Why won’t my autistic sister come out and talk to people?

[Anonymous]

So she prefers to be alone. I mean how can someone live like that? I can’t be alone all the time! My parents, brothers and I are at the neighbors right now hanging out and laughing. My sister is of course at the house cooped up in her room as usual. We encouraged her to come just she said no and she’s watching a movie. I told her she needs to come out but my dad said we can’t make her come and she’ll come when she wants too. My parents enable her too much. When she was a minor, they pushed her to go out and talk to people and once forced her out of the house to hang with our cousin because dad was fed up with her sitting in the house every weekend and refusing to spend time with us and family. Now that she’s an adult they don’t make her anymore. She’s going to miss out on a lot of things if she always in solitude and routine. She needs to get used to the fact that routines will change and can’t get defensive over it. She’s 21. She should be out there with friends having a good time but she has no friends.

[Lynx122]

She's autistic what's so hard for you to understand about that? She probably feels your judgmental attitude and your frustration/anger and she feels pressured as well and that makes her not want to be around you. Putting more pressure on her will not make her change her mind it will just make her suffer more. You have to actually try and understand her read books about autism, talk to her in her room but you have to change your attitude. We can feel when you're just faking being nice to get us to do something or you're just temporarily trying to change your strategy before going back to what you really think about us. You have to fully try and understand her and be friends with her and then you can encourage her to do more but you have to accept when she says no. You have to accept her as a person the way she is and on the inside where your thoughts and feelings are not just superficially. And she will feel that and feel safer and accepted around you and then she's more likely to do an activity with you.

But you've had a younger sister for 21 years and you haven't even made the slightest effort to understand what autism is or you wouldn't be asking this stupid question. So I feel bad for her. You claim to want the best for her but you haven't even tried to understand who she is. You just want her to fit into your image of what a sister should be. You want her to do more because you want a sister to hang out with. So you're being selfish and pretending that it's for her own good when you have no clue what's good for her and you don't really care either.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Leave her alone and let her watch movies/tv, play video games, draw, read, or whatever else it is she likes doing on her own.

Your idea of a good time is not everyone else's idea of a good time.

She will hang out with friends when she finds friends who want to sit in her room or theirs doing the same stuff she is already doing. It may only be 1 friend, and as someone who also prefers to do indoor hobbies and lives in a similar way, 1 friend is better than 2 friends, 3 is pushing it, 4 is the absolute cap, and 5 is unacceptable.

[Lolalue222]

I used to work as a behavior therapist for children with autism. One of the biggest misconceptions about autism, is that they are not smart. Autistic people are extremely intelligent. Many of them are however socially awkward. She may not feel comfortable being around people she does not know well. I don’t suggest forcing her to. She will take a liking to those she chooses. I do think it is healthy to try and get her to try new things. However, never force her. As she may become closed off to ever trying those things again. I would suggest trying things with her, one on one. Then gradually introducing her to others/new activities. If she is still disinterested, let her be. Solitude is a good thing, and I too prefer being alone. I don’t have autism, but I am an introvert. I only have like two really good friends, besides my husband. However, neither my guy or female best friend live in the same state as I. I am currently a housewife, and I absolutely love it. I love spending time with my husband, but I also enjoy my alone time. I’m very good at entertaining myself. I prefer to spend time alone than with other people any day. I actually think it’s sad when people don’t know how to be alone. There is so much bliss in learning to enjoy your own company.

[SotiCoto]

Why would you even bring up the intelligence thing?
What mundanes believe about intelligence isn't generally worth even thinking about.

[Lolalue222]

@SotiCoto I don’t sit around thinking about this. However, it’s one of the dumbest questions I typically get asked about my experience from working with them. Therefore, I make a proven point to highlight their intelligence whenever speaking of people with autism. To shed light on this common myth, so people in general can stop believing this.

[SotiCoto]

@Lolalue222 : And from 40 years of studying mundanes as a hobby and trying to figure out their ways, I can only conclude that nothing you've written there will be taken the way you intend it.
You've effectively pointed out that the misconception is normal, and most mundanes take normality as prescriptive. As in they would rather be normal than be correct.
Another factor is that the phrasing will most likely lead them to believe an additional context filter that wasn't specified. I mean you wrote it using the same sort of language one might use regarding gifted children or dogs that can do tricks.
Thirdly... from what I've been able to make out, most mundanes don't understand what intelligence even is, and treat it as a generalised social value judgement.

What I'm getting at with all of this is that I believe even drawing attention to the subject will do more harm than good in the majority of cases.

[rosemilk]

because she doesn't want to. not everyone is like you. if she's comfortable alone, leave her be. don't push her. and just live your own life.

how come you can't be alone all the time? ugh why can't you just be alone for once?

see where i'm coming from? doesn't sound so great, huh?

[PBandJ_Nerd]

Maybe she gets overstimmed being around others. You could try maybe help her find neurodiverse friends if she's open to it. I have ADHD but I tend to only like being around other neurodiverse people. We communicate, behave, and socialize differently than neurotypical people do. It's not easy for us. But being in spaces we feel comfortable is important.

[boggboss]

Sorry its crazy how misinformed u are about autism to make a stamens that she is no different from the rest of you just goes to show how little u know please do some actual research on it before trying to force your sister into situations where she will end up having a meltdown

[Astarlessnightsky]

Lots of people are avoiding large gatherings and groups of people. They really like and enjoy the time they spent alone or with a handfull carefully selected friends.

Some people can't handle being alone, others can't handle being with lots of people. And both are totally fine.

[JacobJordan]

Read your question again you answered it before you finished asking it. Why won't your AUTISTIC sister. That is all the information you needed to answer the remainder of the question. Very few autistic people enjoy social settings and spending time with people.

[SotiCoto]

Your sister is enjoying herself... except for the parts where you come barging in to insist she join you in your asinine acts of loitering around laughing like hyenas with the neighbours. Like why the hell would you even do that? What the fuck is wrong with you? You should be doing something productive INDOORS rather than wasting time just standing around with other equally broken people.

[Anonymous]

Try to understand that the way she experiences “normal” behaviors like hanging out with friends and family is very different from the way you experience it. Yes these things are good for us all, her too, but they can be very demanding on her senses and actually cause harm and distress to her if she’s pushed too much.

[patois]

Share with the class what was so special about the surface level chit chat you had with your neighbors... What did she really miss? Talk about the weather?

[OlderAndWiser]

Everyone in the world does not think and feel the same things you think and feel. Other people have other preferences and other priorities. That's just the way it is!

[totalism666]

As someone who is autistic putting yourself out there is hard because social engagement is a complex and taxing affair I think you should be compassionate and understanding that her interest in social engagement might be far less and you should just love and support her where she's at.
Why don't you just invite her to spend some 1 on 1 bonding time with you going out to eat or getting the nails done or something?

[Liivv]

Kick her out of the house, just cause she's autistic doesn't mean she needs to be pampered she isn't dumb or helpless, she needs to experience life first hand. If not she will be a grown adult with the brain of an 11 year old, soo your choice

[SotiCoto]

Here is a good piece of advice for you: Kill yourself.
It will improve the average intelligence level of humanity.

[HelpfulWoman]

how can someone live like that? SHE CAN.
you being a dumbass ignorant twat doesn't change that.

[genericname85]

dude there's people who prefer solitude. not even just autists. normal healthy people. but with autists having issues functioning in social settings, they are more likely to prefer solitude.

[laly520]

u need to educate urself about autism in order to get close n understand more ur sis

[Anonymous]

My wife is autistic. Two things are at play, social anxiety, and awkward social skills.

My wife has trouble talking to people, has trouble with interaction, because she doesn't get social cues..

[Anonymous]

Autism does that, only reason I am social is for business or the few friends I do keep but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 21

[elaphe]

It is one of the symptoms of autism spectrum disorders.

[AngryCarl]

Autistic people find other people hard to deal with.

[jahaims]

Some autistic * it's a spectrum and varies greatly

[Anonymous]

She's probably a bad person if she doesn't have friends

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats an unintelligent conclusion.
The smartest people spend the most time alone because most people are idiots and boring.
Being a bad person is almost universally the result of being a stupid person, so the worst people are usually the most social, and the nicest and smartest people are usually in their rooms or offices or labs hiding from from most of the (insane) populace.

[Opinion Owner]

Psychopaths spend a lot of time alone too, what's your point?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Psychopaths usually spend time around others (specifically to harrass them).

[slatyb]

Leave her to live her life. Different strokes.

[MackBoy]

My younger sister also like her too

[In_Trance]

Ask your sister how would anyone else know?

[jahaims]

She's autistic...

[Asker]

So? It doesn’t make her any differently. She needs to be around people and there’s some relatives that love spending time with her, especially one of our oldest aunts who LOVES HER TO DEATH. She has no idea how much our aunt loves her.

[jahaims]

It factually makes her different. She is neurodivergent. We think and feel differently from neurotypicals. You are very ignorant.

[Asker]

What the hell is a neurodivergent? Does that mean she’s stupid?

[jahaims]

Learn how to look up words.