What’s your experience with family estrangement?

[Anonymous]

I was brought up in a dysfunctional broken home. I’ve done a lot of things that people would not believe so there is no point in writing about the causes of the estrangements throughout the years. Some tips for parents, grandparents, and others in the estrangement situation. The media makes it seem like the gay dad disowns the son type of thing when in my experience it’s the complete opposite, progressive feminist types in my family did not like the relationships, and sexual things I’ve done to women. Talking to many friends, and partners, it’s usually the liberal types that initiate estrangement, I’ve never been divorced, but I believe it’s the same mindset, and people who initiate divorces, in fact the majority of the relatives I was estranged from were divorced women. Another thing that is very strange about estrangement is that it usually doesn’t last forever, most of the fallouts I’ve been in lasted between around 5-8 years.

[Anonymous]

You're right. I'm a progressive woman and I initiated and enforce the estrangement between my family and my mother's family. I didn't want to and put it off as long as i could, bc I do love her and I really wanted the relationship to work out, but once my baby was on the way I knew I had to give her a deadline to start trying. She didn't, so I cut her off. I just could not trust her or her family to be around my child. God knows what kind of damage they could do to her given what they did to us.

[Asker]

I just hear a lot of about the narrative that conservative people cut off relatives for being lgbt, sex workers, or interracial relationships, when in reality it’s the opposite. I think because being liberal is the status quo, and I’m not some hardcore conservative, pretty moderate.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, that definitely happens too, but it's not as common anymore because the general public opinion has shifted left, and more conservative people know that if they cut off those family members they will likely be able to find supportive community apart from the blood family and not come running back and be forced to compromise their integrity to avoid being homeless (tho lgbt+ and other minority people are still higher risk of being homeless especially the youth).

On the other hand like in my case, I wasn't cutting her off because I hated her or wanted to hurt or punish her. I did it to protect my family because being around her had tangible negative effects on us and i was scared what she would do to a new baby. That's not a concern that will be changed by whether or not the general population agrees with me or her.

[Asker]

It could be due to the place I live in. I live in California, it’s not socially acceptable to be homophobic, if you didn’t like the lgbtq community you would hate California.

[Asker]

The country also has a huge problem with lacking father involvement. A lot of fathers cheat, leave the family, and disown the children. A very “socially conservative” and “religious” move to abandon your family for sex.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh yeah hypocrisy is HUGE with certain conservative folks. They love to talk the talk and force other to walk the walk that they don't actually want to walk themself. Same as certain liberal folk.
As for hemophilia being unpopular that's fucking awesome. I wish it was unpopular where I live in the midwest. My husband still refuses to put a pride flag outside our house bc some of our neighbors are openly phobic and he doesn't want to risk them trying to make trouble for us if they figure out that/how we're part of the community..

[Opinion Owner]

Homophobia * lol

[Anonymous]

In my family there is a certain couple who both I and another couple have cut all contact with (ie estranged).

It was primarily because of the husband's treatment of women, his refusal to even try to change, and the wife's taking his side in the matter.

While I am considered progressive, the other couple is firmly conservative. I have not cut any family member off "just" because they do not respect me or other certain groups as equals/people. We cut off the couple because the husband was dangerous, and the wife was enabling him.

That's the only experience I have with estrangement coming from a very dysfunctional and conservative family.

[cth2188]

I'm a liberal woman who has cut off my toxic and dysfunctio family, but now is dealing with family emneshment where my family can't live their own lives unless they are codependent in my life. They don't understand that I don't want anything to do with them as they don't serve my life or what I have going on. I have gone no contact with my family for years ( recently broke it ) , but about to do it again indefinitely as they're not changing.

[cth2188]

I have gone through childhood trauma I rather not share on here by my mother and grandmother

[Nikki1989]

After being separated from your family members for 22 years, you just get used to it. It is not a big deal to me anymore.

[Asker]

Sorry your family cut you off. Even if you are “abusive” or “toxic” I don’t care if you are Harvey Weinstein I’m a real man.