What should I do with my friend?

[Anonymous]

I've been friends with someone for a few months now going on 6. She's been a huge help in my life and I truly do appreciate everything she's done.

She's offered me to stay with her when she felt like I didn't have a mentally safe environment at home. She's driven me to and from college when my car broke down. She's paid for food for me on several occasions. She's helped me with personal projects. And she doesn't take no for an answer. She heavily insists to the point where it's borderline arguing and raised voices.

However, recently, it just seems like every time we're around each other, we're always arguing and it's gotten to the point where I'm having such a strong and negative reaction to her. It's like I'm bottling up so much... upset emotion? I feel like crying, I feel enraged, I feel anxious, I feel paranoid, I feel uneasy.

I understand that communication is key and I do all the time but it's difficult communicating with her. She's on the spectrum and I have ADHD so we're both nuero but still communicate and process what the other says differently.

She argues with me on things such as me not wanting our mutual friends to do stuff such as smoking marijuana. She says I need to stop policing people. Then after minutes of going back and forth, she then proceeds to say that the reality is doing that makes her uncomfortable. Not remembering that one of our friends she wants to smoke weed with has Asthma and has said it on multiple occasions or another one who lives over an hour away and would be driving at night time after doing it for his first time at our college parking lot.

I also have incredibly strong emotions and as a result, I retreat internally as a way to not do or say anything that would hurt someone emotionally or physically. And I've explained that when I get upset to please not try to pry it out of me or to just let me calm down but she wants to communicate about it in the moment while still in arguing mode.

[Anonymous]

When I was your age, everyone around me smoked weed. I didn’t smoke or drink. Let me tell you, it was hard to make work. I would get 2nd hand smoke and 2nd hand high. I ended up only hanging out with people who didn’t smoke. It was a lot easier.


Oh and rewinding a bit. The people who smoked weed around me would always try to make me a believer. “Why are you against smoking? It’s medicine. It’s good for you.” It was annoying. I never criticized them about smoking so why did they try to criticize me for not smoking?

[Asker]

I don't smoke or drink either. And I'm not one to really indulge or bend to peer pressure to begin with. I also don't really care what others do but I also have a sense of responsibility and thinking things through and I would be airing on the side of caution rather than trying to be hedonistic and enjoying the pleasures of such inebriators.

So with my friend who has Asthma for example: That is an absolute no in my eyes. I can't force him to not do it and I'm not shaming nor judging another but if he was to smoke and have an asthma attack or worse, it would be a bad situation. Especially since he's also the kind to not have boundaries with his parents and tell them EVERYTHING and they're overprotective.

But I get yelled at by saying "No, no, no, don't do that. That's not a good idea" because it makes my other friend uncomfortable.