Would you stay friends with people who wouldn’t do the same for you?

Question

I have a friend who I really care about but wonder if I should cut her off.
I always pick her up, always provide food when we hang out, I always plan things, I drove us around when I didn’t have my license and even when I was only a learner driver… we do have a rocky past but seemed to be on very good terms now.

With not having my license we never hung out once because she didn’t want to drive us as she only has her restricted license.
When I didn’t have my car we didn’t hang out because she didn’t want to drive us to hangout or do something.

So I just wonder if I should cut people off who don’t do the same for me as I do for them?

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

I think you probably know what you need to do here, since you are better acquainted with the situation. I do have a few questions that you don't have to answer for me, but rather for yourself:

1. Are you her "only" friend? (red flag)

2. How did you meet and why did you hit it off?

3. Why are you friends now?

4. Are you in an overlapping social circle that would make not being friends awkward?

5. Has she ever significantly invested in you before?

6. Is she depressed or dealing with anxiety? Sometimes people can't repay you for what you've done for a while, but they make it up to you eventually.

These can help you start thinking about if this is truly a deep and meaningful friendship, or a proximity friendship. Proximity friendships are where you are only friends with someone because you are in the same groups and involved in the same activities often (i. e. a child's school activity, a volunteer or petition effort, a job, etc.).

A proximity friendship has an expiration date, and it doesn't have to be an ugly breakup. You just get involved in other things and fade out.

A deep and meaningful friendship is something that you know you'll never let go of, no matter how far apart you live or how different your lives become. The expiration date is when one of you dies, usually. These are rare.

Hopefully that's helpful!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No.

I had a toxic person as a friend because I didn't want to throw those years of friendship away anytime I didn't wait for she'll yell at me and every time complaining that I use my lunch money to buy lunch it got really bad that she hit me once I slapped her thrice on her cheeks hard she cried long. People like that aren't worth forgiving they aren't worth friendship they aren't worth trusting. I could go back to that day and slap her and hit her real hard my parents no-one in my life had ever hit me she was the first and will be the last and she regretted another time I slapped her because she was bullying the little one out of our friend group she even denied it when I asked her and she started insulting the girls mom then I said what did I hear you say about Sophia's mom she yelled at me again I didn't say anything about Sophia's stupid mom immediately a loud, hard slap fell on her cheeks and tears rolled down from her cheeks best day of my life.

FREEDOM IS INDEED BEAUTIFUL

*This story isn't meant to encourage hitting people. Teens below 18 like me don't try it you could get in a lot of trouble@xeenabthelilsexygangster😍😘

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No. I mean there are a lot of people that consider me thier friend but I don't consider them mine. I don't write this out of arrogance, let me explain. I probably have about a thousand acquaintances. But I count my friends on one hand. Because I have very stringent standards on what I consider to be a friend. I'm a jovial, warm guy. This sometimes gives people the impression they're my friend. But I don't consider you a friend unless we've shared at least a decade of life together.

I can't tell you how to handle your life. I can only share what works for me. My life got infinitely easier when I learn to accept what people gave. You almost will never see me getting upset at other people's actions as I don't put very high expectations on people I don't classify as friends. This way these people can never let me down.

MisterWack · Accepted Answer

Depends.

If I helped them move out of their apartment, I would expect from them to at least help me move a small lawn chair to the beach from the car.

If I would take a bullet for them, they don’t have to do the same since that is hard for anyone.

Point is, this is a multi faceted question and needs to be looked at all angles before judging or potentially ending friendships.

Billlewis · Answer

Yes, because I'm used to being taken advantage of.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

No, I would not.
I taught my teen daughter around 13/14…how to pick friends. She used to get into “friendship” group who are not mentally healthy…she learned to meet friends who appreciate her. They have similar values and goals as her. She is much happier now at 17 and talking about colleges with these bright kids.
as for you, if one is not reciprocating the friendship/relationship … it’s obviously one sided… that’s why you are asking because you are smart enough to realize the feeling of being used… so… definitely look for new friends… ❤️

SotiCoto · Answer

I've tried, but there is only so much you can do.
If you keep putting in the effort and they never reciprocate... then all you can do is let go and leave them the chance to engage...

... and if they don't, and they simply never make contact again, then clearly you were never important to them in the first place.

It feels bitter as hell, but there isn't much of anything you can do about it.

Staximus · Answer

The next time she wants to hang out, tell her to drive. Or tell her you don't feel like going anywhere, and ask if she wants just hang out at your house. Real friends will hang out with you when there's nothing in it for them besides just sitting around the house.

SweetJoyGirl · Answer

Absolutely not. It is a waste of time and emotional energy.

NathanDavis · Answer

talk about it with her... first see what this is about

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Can you clear something up for me. and please don't take this the wrong way, but are you saying you broke the law behind the wheel of a car, and you are upset with her because she won't do the same?

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Maybe there's a reason she doesn't want to, there's people that have phobia to driving, you don't have to stop being friends with her but maybe not being so close can work

katiesmuff · Answer

Those kind of friends are called users and no I would dump her.

jahaims · Answer

I'm not dumb enough to have a one sided relationship

paledreams · Answer

Not your scenario, yet the general broad question you ask, I wouldn't stay friends lol 😭😆

exitseven · Answer

No, that is probably why I have no friends.

dragoblack · Answer

Yeah, that's not friendship, you're just being used.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

As the saying goes: Givers have to know their limits, because takers don't have any.

Jennz6 · Answer

Nah, don’t do that

DreamLife7 · Answer

She doesn't like u and she's not your friend lol

woahhh152 · Answer

Not at all. I know my worth

Innocuous_Mischief · Answer

It's the Ass always. Titties come second for sure.

DishLady · Answer

Nope.

smd_5545 · Answer

No cause that bonds wouldn't be the same.

MacDaddyRico · Answer

Don't let yourself be taken for granted.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Fuck no

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