Is being pressured to shake hands to make peace worse than openly disliking someone?

[Danielle93]

Long ago, I was friends with 4 girls. They were friends with someone other girl I clashed with several times. One of the arguments almost led to a physical fight (so close), had two girls not intervened on time.

One day, they tried to (unsuccessfully) get us to shake hands. The other girl hesitantly extended her hand saying ''friends'' but I refused. I could tell she was suffering to even do that gesture so why bother even accepting that forced, fake friendship. That was it. Till this day, we don't like each other.

Frankly either I'm your friend and we're on good terms from the beginning or we're not. I don't like being pressured into making peace with anyone. If I had to make peace with someone then it should be coming naturally without any 3rd parties involved.

[strateguy632]

pressured? that is common at sport events, like bow before karate... not bow is open hate, that is worse than obeying protocol. because it SHOWED the hate insted of hid.

an old example 2016. not shake hands.

https://apnews.com/general-news-52f958631f264dcc92c148482a05e104

[Danielle93]

That's sport. It's different when it's a competition and you have to reserve basic respect for your opponent that won.
I wasn't in any competition nor actual necessary need to shake hands with someone our mutual friends kept nagging us to become friends, trying to force a friendship between us.

[strateguy632]

good distinction.

[eagle1951]

don't like that

[Danielle93]

Exactly. If I don't like anyone then it's for a reason. Making peace with someone depends on the factors, if we had things in common and it should be coming naturally, not forced.

[DishLady]

At least she made an effort. You're lucky the other two don't ditch you.

[Danielle93]

I don't like her (never did since our senior year of HS) and don't care to know her at all. I can be stubborn when I refuse something forced.

[thomastown]

It could be a good move if you never have to deal with each other again.

[Danielle93]

The issue would be that I would then be hanging out with them and her if I had accepted it. Imagine if I were either going to the movies or have parties, I would then have to invite her on all gatherings since the 4 girls were close with both of us.
Imagine how awkward it would be, having to hang out with a fake person?

[Danielle93]

and at some point it'll all come back (I can't be a hypocrite for too long) and back to zero again

[NathanDavis]

ew... cooties