Turned 29 y/o few days ago and I've started feeling that maybe the way I live is a lie?

[Anonymous]

I was pretty secure in my life's decision - being child-free, find boyfriend who will travel the world with me, build career in IT and overall live my life to the fullest. I have no friends, I spend most of my free time in front of computer and my flatmate is my mom and till now I was pretty happy or at least I thought so.

Everything has begun when my brother got married this May and the whole day I kept thinking how endearing it is to see that so many people genuinely care about him and I felt quite envious. Also my cousin gave birth to her first child and when I went to visit them, I've started thinking that it would be nice having someone coming home to that isn't my mom (lol) and a little family.

I was disappointed and abandoned by "friends" so many times in my life that I'm now unable to form any deeper bond with people and I treat them like they're disposable (I'm nice and friendly, e. g I enjoy being around my coworkers and I occasionally bake for them but If they were to leave, I wouldn't care) and I feel like I repeated to myself that I prefer to be on my own and that I hate the world so many times that it became my "truth" when deep inside I am lonely and crave to be loved.

So for 18 years I thought I knew what I want from life but now I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I don't know whether I've just been influenced and in few weeks I'll be back in my "I want to be left alone" era or If this is something that needs to be discussed with therapist maybe (?)

[ProbablyClueless]

That kind of thing is really common for people our age. Women especially. I think that the reality is that you're just encountering the limitations of the lifestyle you've been pursuing. I've felt the exact same way.

No matter what anyone tells you, a good career and travelling the world will NEVER be as satisfying as being surrounded by genuinely good people who love you. And the reality is that your ability to land a good career that lets you travel is a bigger roll of the dice than building good relationships. How good your career is is mostly out of your control... and I say that as someone who has a great career and great relationships.

[MasterKS]

You tried to live which is not natural, people nowadays read and think life they know from social media, being alone, freedom, career is most and nothing matters, although all those things matters but ultimately human are not animal, like animal have specific needs and nature while human are human because they need love, emotion, bonding, family, society! Be human and try to live life naturally than plan sheets!

[Anonymous]

I think this reality is common for a lot of people. Especially women. Women are told to fight the patriarchy, to make your career your number one priority. You can hold off marriage, kids, a family, a house w a picket fence. That men will want you pore when you’re making more money, etc. But the reality is for most women, no it doesn’t. I think women are more social, they’re used to being around other women, other people in general. That’s why a lot of women choose professions that deal w people, men not so much. Because women enjoy helping people, caring, loving. So when you’re told opposite, to go against what I think is truly a majority of women’s true nature, you become unhappy. Sure you may be ok for a while, but you can’t really fight nature. I think a lot of women are sold a lie. I think it’s all part of a plan to reduce the population. Selling women on careers, you’re going to be happiest being a career woman, etc. There’s going to be a big gap there w this generation fo women in your age who are childless. A lot of women are going to be single in their older years. No children to come see them, to get together w during the Honduras, birthdays or just in general. When you get old, no one to help look after you. I see a lot of single women come into the hospital alone, scared, sad afraid, no one to be there w them. I feel bad for them. Especially when it’s not a good diagnosis. It’s not too late if you wish to change the path you’re on. You just have to make some changes. Yes traveling is fun. It’s even funner when you have a family. It doesn’t mean nearly as much when you don’t have someone to share those experiences w, to build new memories for a lifetime. .

[ChicoFromThe305]

This happens at some point because deep down we were given the ability to love and to feel loved, these are the results of only caring for yourself for long enough, it's possible you might feel the loner vibes again, most likely in waves but overall it seems like you've come to the realization that maybe only caring for yourself and only worrying about yourself isn't really living, you are just existing, it's possible to turn things around but it will require a lot of effort and motivation and of course time.

[OfMiceandMen]

What you are experiencing is life changing/altering thoughts. Some people never want to grow up because they hear all the bad things people have to say about it. But it's not all that bad. Coming home to a person that truly looks forward to you coming home is life changing. You are right in around the age where women tend to move out (these days - it used to be sooner) and be part of someone's life.

Your thoughts of staying home and playing it safe is okay, but you haven't lived until you get out and try. Even just being away from home can be quite liberating.

The child thing can come later, still plenty of time for that. But you should go out find someone, love, even dislike and love again for the experience. It's all part of growing up and the cycle of life.

[BetaBucks]

Better to feel this way at 29 and not 39. Tbh, this is a really common thing for 29 year olds, especially females, to feel. You're approaching 30, which you've always told yourself is "old." You still have time to find a husband and create a family. Probably best to find a guy that's a few years older and is fully ready for commitment. Worst case scenario, you find a 39 year old that's in the same state of mind as you are. But you want to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons. Like, it's your organic desire and not just the result of the envy you felt that one day.

[Anonymous]

Since all of these feelings were 'triggered' from what other people are doing, I see it as a form of 'fear of missing out'. That is not a motivation I would act on because it just means you will either do something through those fears, or just find something else later down the line to feel you are missing out on. However, since you are both physical and spiritual, if you only live in a way that feeds the physical and ignores the spirit, then you are living a lie.

[ohsheeT]

Well you just did the first thing you could do you just acknowledged. . That is time for change you can still have everything you want depends on how bad you want it there's certain things to do to get what you want but the very first thing you need to do is what you just did you need to say it out loud you need a friend I'll be your friend you want to grow I'll help you grow.

[JFilton]

It's a reality of a lot of people now who find them selves in that same situation. Do your best to speak to link minded people, do hobbies and try to 'do things' the other people who do these things are your next potential friends.

[DrPepper12]

Yes to therapist!! Lonely and alone are so close yet so far from each other. You should test this by reengaging and not being a passenger in your own life!

[exitseven]

I had an entirely different view of how i wanted my life to be when i was 21. Marriage and kids were nowhere in sight.

[strateguy632]

That is natural. But imagine a baby crying night after night. Do you still want one?

[UnicornLobotomy]

You guys who say this to women are probably ugly fat male feminists that never had a biological father in their lives. Misery loves company.

[MicahRaine]

Maybe it's just your hormones telling you that you need a family?

[gorydetails]

You bought the lie. But you're not too old to change your lifestyle. Find a husband and have children.

[Twalli]

It'snot that odd to change like you did. My sister and I grew up not wanting kids. Now she wants kids.

[Anonymous]

This happens to everyone in one way or another. Find a way to turn things around and do something else that will make you happy.

[Anonymous]

You want kids; better to learn this now than when you hit 40.

[LiamJHayden]

You are not old.

[LiamJHayden]

Page scrolled on me so I answered wrong question, yet the answer still applies :). You are still young enough to change if you want. My mom was almost 45 when I, her first and only child, was born. I know someone who had six children in her 30's.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been single now