How do I get my independence?

[Anonymous]

I’m a university student and I’ve just completed my first year. I have been living away from home for a year now and the academic year has just ended so I’m back in my hometown for the summer. Now that I’ve come back I’ve realised how little independence I get from my parents. I understand the concerns (I live in a major city) about safety but sometimes it feels like they want to keep me mentally 16/17. I only live with my immediate family, my extended family lives abroad and when I went there alone for the first time I could tell that they think my parents keep me back in terms of being independent. My home town friends will talk about going on nights out and clubbing like every other 19 year old in my country but ik I wouldn’t be able to go with them because they would want me home by 10 pm latest. How do I go about this situation?

[Skinhead-1979]

I didn't have a lot to say in the matter... But I went on my own when I was 19.

Now, I don't live in the US... and I am from an older generation... so I am fully aware that things work differently.

After high school, in the Netherlands, teenagers go to college or university which is, for most of them, in a different city/ town than where they lived/ grew up.
So while I got kicked out by my dad because his new wife was more important... it is very normal for late teens to move out and start living independently; almost none will return home after their studies have finished.

Government financial support was decent, but most students would have evening/ weekend jobs next to their education to support themselves. Education in the Netherlands is far cheaper than in the US, thus students leave their education with far lower study debts which makes it far easier to build up a life after their education.

In your case... as long as you live with your parents, you will never be fully independent; even if they do not interfere in your life, you still live with them and thus have to abide by the rules they set. You may be able to 'negotiate' the rules, but you will never be fully independent. Only option to become fully independent is to move out and build up your own life.

[DryGermanGuy]

You don’t ask anymore. You just do what you want to do. You are an adult.

[moneymagnet24]

Earn money.. take a house on rent. Live by your ownself. But your parents concern is right they just protect you from guy like me. 🤨

[moneymagnet24]

Just want to *

[slatyb]

Get a summer job on campus