My SIL wants her birthday party at my house, my partner said “yes” but I dont really want it there, what to do?

[Anonymous]

My SIL (29F) wants her 30th at my house, i didn't mind that. I thought it was just some people i know and have met. She made a facebook event and when i seen the event, i saw how many people were going to be there, around 50 people, only 10 i know. I am pretty annoyed about it, as my house is my personal space and i dont know the 40 others that might be coming.

i haven't told my partner this, only that my house is off limits and where they choose to sleep isn't my problem, but they aren't staying inside my house. I dont want them in and out of my house all night and annoying my pets, he agreed on that, but i still find it unfair on me, as these people i dont know them and coming to my place i call my own, is over stepping it.

his family has been to my house before heaps of times and every time, they trash my house. Leave dirty nappies around my house, let their kids raid my cupboards and eat all my food, take plates and cups outside and leave them scattered around my yard for me to find, spill things inside and dont clean up after themselves or their children, trash my yard with their kids toys and also… dont clean up after them.

i really want to have a talk with my partner, but i dont know if he will have the same feelings as me or think im being spiteful. She has her own house, but i think its because i am a janitor by trade, ill clean up after everyone. I dont know what to do. Help please 😭

[slatyb]

Wow, she's both presumptuous and rather stupid. Say sorry, you aren't comfortable hosting that many people. If she wants a large gathering, she can reserve space in a park or rent an event space. Then tell her the limit -- ten is perfectly reasonable.

[Asker]

I didn't mind it being people i knew, like even the 10 thats going that i know. Not the 40 that i dont know, i suggested to my partner that my workplace offers large function rooms that can set up for peoples birthday parties, weddings and other events and maybe having it there would be a good idea, as i dont know half of the people coming to this party that will be at my house. He did the “oh but you agreed”. I agreed to a small gathering, not 50 people.

I dont have parties at my house, i have small BBQs and invite a few people, but it never exceeds over 10 people. These people have been to my house before and treat my house with respect, as well as my belongings and my pets too.

One thing that did put a bit of a damper on this too, his sisters have visited my house and invited people over i dont know of and walked their friends through my house, like giving them a tour. My house is my space, not a museum. My partner only really goes off at them, when they decide to dump their kids on us and run off. I dont know, i will get his point on it all though. Im not really one for parties like this, especially at my house

[slatyb]

Right. Tell her sorry, but no. We can't host that many people at the house. Not only do you have the problem of protecting your belongings against strangers, you have the problem of too many people, not enough toilets.

[Asker]

The house we live in is really tiny, 2 bedroom and its plenty for my partner and i and our pets. I built my decor from the ground up, as im a artist and all my creative works is my decor in my house. Its something i put my heart and soul into. There is only 3 people i will offer my house to, which is his best friend and his girlfriend and a girl i get so along with

I did get his point and he said “they won't be coming inside and i will make sure of it, so wherever they chose to sleep isn't on us”. He said too “i know you take pride in your things, anything they break or they torment our animals, ill be asking them to leave straight away”.

They will all be drunk too and i know ill have to clean up after them, they won't do it

[Asker]

I also start my new job in a week and will be leaving my janitor job, it is a big step for me at the moment too. As my hours will change from Tuesday - Friday, to Thursday- Sunday, i will be a permanent part time, in this job, which is plenty. As i am a artist on my days off and studying too, im currently studying to eventually be a beautician. So my schedule at the moment is full, i will discuss my hours with him for my new job and suggest that maybe they can cut the party early and head off somewhere else after 11:30pm. Maybe get his take on that, as my weekend hours will be 8 hour shifts and ill need my sleep.

My partner can't be pretty understanding about certain things, but he is a person that hates saying “no” to his family, I've noticed. I can say it easy to them, cause i sometimes hate the way they act 🤣

I have a sibling myself and my mom im super close with, but both work pretty demanding jobs. Plus my brother doesn't have kids, so he doesn't treat us like a doormat. I of course dont want my partner to cut off his family or anything like that, as i consider them my own. But i really think he needs to set some boundaries with them, when they visit. Like cleaning up after themselves and their children, when inviting people over run it with us on who is coming. Maybe pay my rent too, since they like to act like my house is theirs too 🤣 i dont want to be the one to force these boundaries, i think he needs to

[Asker]

Just another little update, so i told him my hours and how i work weekends and about the party he said “the party isn't for months and F it, its only a crappy retail job. Get someone else to work the 2 days”. Im really considering saying “no” now and making them find somewhere else, since his acting like a brat

[slatyb]

Who's house is it?

[Asker]

Him and i are both on the lease agreement, both pay rent. But I contribute more to the house then him and pay for more bills than him. So really its his sisters house lol. Its mine more, it has more of my heart and soul in it

[Paris13]

I would NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT. As anal as I Am----With my own Home and things. And NOT KNOWING who could even Rip you off or just the Fact of Having people traipsing in and out of your Home. Rent a Hall and All. Talk to Him and Get on the Same Page, NO RAGE. xxoo

[MrGSpotHer]

Sil? All I hear is that your talking to window sils

[MrGSpotHer]

Omg what's a sil?

[TheCaller]

Don't do anything you don't want to