I just found out that my mother gave up a child for adoption what should I do?

[Anonymous]

Recently I discovered my mother had another child after I was born. My sister is 5 years younger than me. When I was 5 my mother moved away to Arizona from Ohio abruptly, I didn’t go with her obviously I was living with my grandparents. She’s always told me that she moved to get away from my dad who was abusing her. About two weeks ago I got a dm on instagram from my sister explaining asking if I was related to specific person and I said yea that’s my mom. She then told me that we were siblings. When she first messaged me I went to her page and thought to myself she looks like my mom. I’m confused on what I should do. She definitely looks like her and I don’t know if I should tell her or try see for myself then say something. She told me that she would like to have a relationship with our mother if she wanted too.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow man, that's such a crazy thing to find out! I can't imagine how you're both feeling right now. Here's what I would do:

I'd take some time to process it yourself first. It's a lot to take in. Make sure your sister is cool to wait while you figure things out.

Next, I'd try finding out more context from your mom before confronting her. See if there's records of the adoption or anyone else who knows the story. That way you're not going in totally blindsided.

Once you know more facts, I think you gotta talk to your mom. She at least owes you an explanation for putting you both through this. Hopefully she'll own up and be honest so you can all start healing.

I'd also make sure your sister is okay through this. It can't be easy finding out you're adopted later in life. Be there for her - you're both going through something big and you've got each other now.

Ultimately how your mom responds will help guide your next steps. Building a new relationship with your sister could help you both get through the hard parts. You've got this man - just take it one step at a time. Let me know if you need anything else.

[ManOnFire]

Wow, you must be going through a lot of emotions about this. A sister you never even knew existed and she reaches out. I mean, it's always possible that this woman is just claiming it trying to get something from your mom, but then she could be legit too.

If you really want to help her, or you really want to know what's what, you can reach out to your mom (if you guys still communicate) and tell her that somebody says she's your daughter and is it true or not. Of course I can imagine how this might be hard for you, or maybe even your mom. And then depending on how your mom takes it and if she's okay with it, the next thing you could do is put the woman in touch with her.