I Slept With A Girl I Raised As A Baby And Wanted To Adopt?

I know my story can sound a bit much, I'm being honest, I just want advice.

When I was 16 I was already living on my own, my friend (since childhood almost like a brother) at the time went to prison for 5 years, he had a 3 month old baby (the baby's mother/his girlfriend died from drug overdose) and we made an legal arrangement that I would take care of his 3 month baby till he got out, I wanted to help him and he has done a lot for me. So I basically raised this baby for about 5 years, and I bonded with her to the point where I saw her as a family member, sometimes maybe as my own kid. She even called me dad (even though I always explained to her that she already has a real dad) Eventually he got out of prison and was able to raise her.

When I was 24 (the baby was 7 years now) He got killed from a gang member on some crime thing he was involved in and they put her up for adoption. I wanted to adopt her, and tried but I wasn't able to and a family eventually adopted her when she was 8 years old. So I basically moved on with my life even though on some level I loved that child almost as if she was my own. Now I am 35. I met this girl recently who is 20 years old and she was amazing, and we started dating/sleeping together. I recently found out that this girl is the same girl I raised. I haven't told her anything. In one hand I really like this girl and she likes me, but on the other hand I feel weird dating a girl I raised and even saw as my daughter who also called me dad and tried to adopt.

What should I do/ what would you do? How would you feel if you were the girl?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You absolutely have to tell her. She may be utterly sickened by the thought idea and she has that right to know and choose.

    She may also not be and may be happy to continue then it is for you both to discuss and work out.

    You have to tell her. Your lying hiding something and it's not right!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The fact that you couldn't tell even a little bit that this girl could have been the little girl you raised is quite concerning. Sure, kids grow up and change. But they don't change to the point where you couldn't tell at all from when they were little. Unless she is a older grown woman (at least 45 or older), I find this story rather difficult to believe - at least in the sense that you couldn't tell it was her - even a little. If I had met someone like her where I raised her when she was young, I would've held off having sex - at least until I confirmed who she was (if I even had sex with her at all). Not to mention, your math seems a little off. You were 24 and she was 7 at one point, then you're 35 and she's 20?

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 10

  • That's creepy. So if you had adopted her, you'd have try to make a move on her.

    This is why it's harder for men to adopt girls.

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  • Wow. This is tough shit. I really don't know what to say. If I were you I would've stopped immediately after finding out.

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  • this sounds pretty fake...

    but you're both adults so if you want to date then you should it is a bit weird though

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  • 'When I was 16... we made a legal arrangement'

    Yeah stopped reading there. go take your gross pedo fetish somewhere else

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  • Ahhhh wrong wrong wrong this is why you shouldn't date people old enough to be your child and if you know you should tell her maybe it will wake her from her daddy issue maybe it won't I feel dirty thinking about it

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    • There's nothing wrong with dating people as long as they are adults. This isn't an issue about age either way

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    • Morally there's nothing wrong with 2 consenting adults dating. How I feel shouldn't be a factor. I wound't want my daughter or son to be a Pro MMA fighter because it's a very dangerous sport, but it doesn't mean being a MMA fighter is wrong, so appealing to my emotions isn't anything objective

    • It sounds like you wouldn't want her with you so you should just tell her and let her make the choice or at the very least have respect for your friends memory and not do his baby

  • While it is a bit weird due to her being raised by you, there is nothing wrong because you're not related. Be honest with her since she might not like the idea of being with someone who raised her as a kid, but I don't see the big deal.

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  • That is kind of weird and creepy, but they aren't really related to you in anyway, so it's not really /wrong./

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  • Sounds like a story.-. This gonna lead to daddy kink GOSH

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  • This story sounds fake, I hope it is.

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  • Are you the same guy who wrote a story about finding out his "step daughter" was really his daughter from a one night stand years ago?

    They're oddly similar.

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    • No, I don't have a step daughter

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    • I didn't think you did. It was made up

    • can you link me that story?

What Guys Said 9

  • What is your problem? Your not related by blood, You are not her real dad. You only raised her till she was 8. Your not lusting after a teenager. She is 20 and she can make her own decisions. Try talking to her about it and see how she feels.
    It is morally questionable but not ethically wrong.

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  • Two things wrong in this story; first, you said you made legal arrangement at age of 16 which im pretty sure is not possible since you are not over 18... etc and considered a minor yourself.
    2nd, there is no way she won't know who you are even if you were 35. You are the one who raised her since she was a baby until she became 5. You are the person she will always think about all her life, that one true father she ever had and loved. That being said, she would have recognized you right away when she saw you and im pretty sure you may have recognized her as well. she's your child that you raised..

    But just in case this was ever true, it would be wiser that you tell her exactly what you told us here. Give her sometime to think afterwards cause shel probably be shocked at first. From my point of view, i think she may love you more after that, cause she'l trust you more and feel home with you. But prepare yourself for anything.
    Good luck

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    • The more time you spend hiding the truth from her, the more the relationship will be destroyed cause if she ever found out the truth by whatever coinsidence you will be blamed for hiding it and thus lying to the person you were supposed to care for

  • this can't be real tea

    it sounds like one of those karma things, the work you put into it is the work you receive out of it

    obviously it would be weird as fuk for her unless she has any memory of it happening, which I doubt it, ask her about what she knows from her dad, make her connect the dots, don't tell her. What kind of smalltown is this though to run into that scenario?

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  • Well, it's amazing, I would want to just keep on going, but I would have to tell her whaf I realized and let her be part of the decision. Love is complicated, but if it's amazing, there should be a way to make it work. Good luck man, rough one.

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  • Technically, it's not biologically wrong.

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  • Lost for words my friend.

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  • I would feel weird and end it.

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  • You're a weirdo bruh.

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  • she didn't recognize you?

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