Am I wrong for telling my friend off for being depressed?

Question

I have a friend that’s mother had passed away earlier this year in March. I’ve given her space to grieve, but she’s been looking depressed since March and quite frankly, it’s getting tiring. A month after her mother passed away, we asked if she wanted to join us for a movie night to get her mind of of it and she refused. The past couple months we’ve invited her to go clubbing with us, shopping and whatever she declines. We just hung out without her. Her dad a few months back got on her for her depression saying that she needs to get help, make the call, or he’s doing it so she ended up getting help. She was laying around sulking, curled up in her bed, hiding from everyone.
I understand she’s heartbroken about her mother, but she needs to move forward, enjoy life and start laughing again because her depression is effecting all of us and she got fired from her job because she missed too much work.
She complained that everyone still teased and pokes fun at her, but I told her that she can’t go around looking sad all the time and she needs to live life because people will still kid with her. We’re just trying to make her laugh. She yelled and insulted that everyone kept laughing having a good time while she is still grieving over her mother. That’s when I lost my cool and said bluntly, “You know what, we are getting sick and tired of hearing about your moms death! Look I’m sorry that’s happened and I will always be there for you but being a bitch and yelling at people is no excuse! We’re trying to help you but you aren’t even making an effort to get help. You keep up that moody, hostile attitude and depression, people aren’t going to wanna be around you anymore and that’s what’s happened! You’re not being fair to us, especially your mother. Either you continue to get help because I am DONE with your ugly behavior!! I think if you’re gonna keep talking about your mom’s death I think you should just leave.”

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

Look, I get you're all frustrated by how down she's been lately. But yelling at her and saying you're sick of hearing about her mom isn't okay. She just lost someone really important to her, of course she's gonna still be grieving.

You didn't go through what she did. Can you imagine how much that hurt? She needs time and support from friends, not people pressuring her to "get over it" before she's ready. That whole conversation probably made her feel even worse about a really tough situation.

Instead of trying to force her to be happy, you should talk to her gently and let her know you're there no matter what. Check in often so she doesn't feel alone. And encourage counseling again if she's not going - it does help. Losing a parent is freaking hard, man, give her a break.

This isn't about you guys, it's about her healing. When a friend is struggling don't make it about you getting "sick" of their problems. Have some empathy - put yourself in her shoes. She's lucky to have you there for her, so keep being supportive in a kind way. This too shall pass with time and love.

UnusualWeirdo · Answer

Well first of all I think you could have been nicer about it, my sister still get sad about her stepmoms death and that was years ago, but people need time to heal, she needs some support, maybe just try to be a support group and ask her why she is still so sad, tell her to be special, get details just keep her talking, the more she gets out the better she'll feel. You weren't wrong but again just a tad more nice about it, it sucks and I understand but she's lost what could have been her best friend. Just take it easy on her.

MemeSupreme · Answer

ehhh sounds like she was saying she didn't like you making fun of her being sad

she should move on and being depressed can 100% be toxic but i'd say it better next time or talk about it sooner lol it is what it is tho. have you guys talked since

Am I wrong for telling my friend off for being depressed?

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