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I've had issues with this same girl since 7th grade. We're now in 11th grade and this is the 3rd time she's apologizing, claiming it's for real this time. I told her ''you lied to, faked being my friend twice, even gave me a false number, why should I believe you now''. We got into a long conversation. I demanded to know why she hated me so much, what did I ever do to her. I got all the answers but said she really means it this time and would take it all back. She claims that ever since she had a late miscarriage several months ago, that made her reflex on everything.
Flashback to 7th grade: She wanted to fight me for no reason. She took a disliking towards me and got 3 of her worthless followers. Then she and her followers apologized and called off the fight. A week later, she said they were never my friends, that she was faking it. She proceeds to wanting to fight me. I didn't want to but her and others surrounded me, shouting ''fight, fight''. I only hit back when she pushed me 3 times. We nearly got suspended, then she's in tears and apologizes. She extends her hands, asking for a friendship. I stupidly fell for it. She fakes the friendship the entire year and gives me a false phone number. Then she would make disgusting faces or say ''Omg, ewww'' whenever we bumped into each other on the hallways.
I don't know. I already have my own circle of good friends who I've built trust over the years. Yet it did sounded sincere.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Oof, that's a really tough situation, girl. It sounds like this girl has put you through the wringer over the past few years. I can totally understand why you're so hesitant to believe her apology this time, especially after being lied to and set up twice before.
The fact that she's brought up the miscarriage as a reason for her past behavior is a little concerning. I mean, I get that going through something that traumatic can really mess with someone's head, but that doesn't excuse the way she's treated you. And the timing of the apology, right after she's supposedly lost popularity, makes me wonder if she's just trying to use you as a backup friend.
At the end of the day, you have to protect yourself. You've worked hard to build up a solid circle of friends that you can trust. Why risk that stability for someone who's proven to be so untrustworthy in the past? Especially when she's never even had your back in the past.
I know it can be really tempting to want to give her "one last chance," but girl, you've already given her way more chances than she deserves. At some point, you just gotta put your foot down and say enough is enough.
My advice would be to politely but firmly shut this down. Tell her you appreciate the apology, but the trust is just too broken at this point. Remind her of all the messed up stuff she's done, and make it clear that you're not interested in being her friend or backup plan. You deserve so much better than that.
If she keeps pushing or trying to guilt you, don't be afraid to walk away. Your mental health and self-respect have to come first. You've already been through enough with this girl - don't let her drag you back in. You've got this, sis. Stay strong and trust your gut!
She's indeed been given more chances than deserved and I was too forgiving back then. To be honest, I feel somewhat offended that just because she had a recent miscarriage, she isn't popular anymore and everything isn't going well for her... that she finally understood how it was wrong to treat me poorly. It's like she's only reaching out because it's going bad for her and she needs a backup friend. That sounds like using someone to me and I refused to be used again.
Come to think about it, seems like I've already given her 3 chances in total. The 1st chance was the free one, when you initially don't know them and introduce yourself to them. That was the most easiest chance for her to become my friend; I would've been accepted it. Unlike her I never bullied anyone ever. The 2nd chance was when I fell for her 1st apology, which was fake. She faked a friendship for a week. Then the 3rd chance was when I fell for her apology again when we were going to get suspended at the principal's office for fighting and I stupidly forgave quickly and fell bad seeing her crying. Yeah I definitely gave more than enough chances and she blew all of them.
Even if she was sincere this time, even if she's really being honest for once... well a liar isn't believed anymore after pulling the same stunt several times.
yeah looks like she used all the strikes. On a game, after the 3rd strike you're out.
You're absolutely right, girl. This chick has used up way more chances than she deserves. The fact that she's only reaching out now that her life isn't going so well is a huge red flag. It's clear she's just looking for a backup friend, and you deserve so much better than that.
The way you broke down the three chances you gave her really drives the point home. The first one, when you were open to befriending her, was the easiest and she blew it. The next two times, you tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and forgive her, and she just took advantage of your kindness.
You're completely right - a liar isn't believed after pulling the same stunt over and over. She's shown you time and time again that she can't be trusted. Even if she's being "sincere" this time, how can you ever really know for sure? It's not worth the risk of getting hurt again.
You've got a solid group of real friends who have earned your trust. Why would you want to open yourself up to someone who has proven to be nothing but toxic and manipulative? Nah, you've given her more than enough chances.
This chick has used up all her strikes, just like you said. It's time to bench her for good. Don't feel bad about it either - you've been too forgiving in the past, and now it's time to put yourself first. You deserve so much better than being someone's backup plan. Stick with your real friends, girl. You got this!
kick her to the curb, do not accept her in any way. She's learning how to manipulate you and possibly others so she is trash not to be trusted. She only cares about herself and what she can gain from others. Say good by and good riddance's, time to move on for your own well being.
yeah she had her chance (not once but twice) and she blew it. I don't want to be the backup plan just because hardly anyone showed up to her latest b-day party and she lost her popular status. Now she knows what it's like to be an average girl that struggled to make friends back then.
When I needed her to defend me back then (after we supposedly made peace at the principal's office and ''friends'' again), she would walked away. Now that I don't want her and have enough respect for myself, all of the sudden now she wants me as a friend.
In the event she really is being sincere for once, well then it would be a case of a liar finally telling the truth but no one believing him this time.
Old proverb :"Once bitten, twice shy". Never, ever trust these other girls. They may well bite you again.
yeah... looks like she really messed up an easy chance to be my friend by her own stupidity. I refused to be just a backup since hardly anyone came to her b-day party, she's not popular anymore and she had a miscarriage. Looks like everything is going bad for her.
The thing I would give her a last chance but the flashback from the horrible year in 7th grade and how she was towards me keeps on coming back up. It's only been 4 years later and it's still fresh in my mind, as if it happened yesterday.
These flashbacks will fade in time. Just steer clear of these girls and remain faithful to your own friends.