Why do I feel like I can't fit in well in social communities despite my efforts?

[Anonymous]

On online communities, for instance a lively, active community I feel like I struggle to naturally blend in with that community, even if it's related to something we have in common. And on online communities were I do blend in more, are usually more inactive and occasional posting. I managed to make one or two friends from communities, which is very rare because I'm not used to being liked or related to. In the past when I have integrated into communities and developed myself there, it usually ends bad for me, with me having to leave either temporarily or for good. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I barely try to talk in these communities, mostly because everyone already knows each other and they're either already a clique or separated into different cliques and gatekeep themselves. Another reason is just, I don't generate engagement as much as others do, for saying little to anything basic.. Do I lack initiative, am I just too socially awkward or is it just bad luck? People might say you just have to keep trying and find a community, but after a few times trying and going back to square one, alone with fewer and few acquaintances, at what point am I supposed to wonder when it's me. I don't know what to do. I used to not care, and just mind my own business. But after my most recent friend that has gone inactive and left me with the impression that they outgrew me, I missed being part of something. I go back to looking I guess. Based on my odds, I'll end up exactly where I started. And, I'm an introverted person. I'm one of those introverts that needs twice as much alone time to compensate for a little bit of socializing. But unfortunately, a small sample of positive outcomes from socializing, as small as they might be, are just bad for me, being in this state of perpetual social absence. I'm not one to ask for social opportunities. It has to flow naturally. I just happen to not be a flow-er. And at my age, I wouldn't even know where to start.

[ProbablyClueless]

It kind of sounds like an imposter syndrome type of thing.

I'm an extroverted guy, but I'm not a super outwardly chatty guy. I've found that when I get into groups of people where it feels like everyone already has their cliques and is doing their thing, the best way to fit in is to be comfortable NOT TRYING to do the thing. If people have their groups, let them have their groups. Someone will eventually see you and come over and start chatting with you. If you see people doing a group activity, maybe ask if you can get in on it.

I have this dinner group that I go to every Friday. I'm not constantly chatting with people. But I always have people happy to see me, inviting me places, and coming up to talk with me because I don't force interactions and I try to be a comfortable dude to talk with when people do interact with me.

[Asker]

I try to be a comfortable person too, but that alone rarely draws people. Usually in these situations I go unnoticed, and if I try to blend in, I feel awkward doing it and I end up regretting it, it doesn't go nowhere.

[ProbablyClueless]

You just interact with people when you naturally get a chance to. Forcing interactions like that isn't going to get you anywhere

[lorenzomichael]

Because you’re probably trying too hard just be yourself that doesn’t work fuck it. I don’t know what to say.

[Asker]

What kind of solution is that?

[Justneedtokno]

Trust I understand the feeling