Why don’t I fit in?

[PuffinPoo07]

I’m going to sound super whiny but I’m struggling with social aspects of my life. I’m polite and I do make an effort to get on with other people. I wouldn’t say I’m hideous to look at or unhygienic.

i struggle with work. I get on and do my job to a good standard, but I find it so cliquey. I’m friends with everyone I work with but they have their own little groups. And when new people start working here, they gravitate towards the other people. I try to make friends but it seems like my company isn’t “good enough”

What more do I need to do? I wish I could stop caring and just be thankful that I have a job.

[ohsheeT]

Well there's different levels of life that we go through different moments in time.

. All through grade school high school people wanted to be my friends but I would want to run when I was see them heading towards me or they would call my name from a mile away it seemed like and say come here with a wave... . And I would say no to myself there were two girls that always wanted to talk with me and I hated it because the moment they got up to me and we started talking my mouth would get dry I would start to sweat I would start to get turned on kind of and I would be saying God why now no not now. I would just want to run
Or if there is a few of us talking I would be talking and then all the sudden somebody would walk out the interrupt they would just start talking and kind of forget everything that I was saying... Or if I was walking with friends I would always be walking in the back of everybody and... And I was just totally misunderstood I felt which made me shy...

But later on down the road I was talking to somebody and they said did you know you're an empath and I said well I'm not really for sure what that is but I've heard of it and I'm not sure and they started explaining it to me and it was right on the money and then they try to explain to me when I was talking to those two girls and the reason why I wanted to run and the reason why I was getting turned on is because it wasn't me I was feeling I was feeling them and that just made so much more sense and just everything started coming together like I said I've always had people want to be my friends..

I mean it's so easy for me to make friends it's unreal but now that I know everything that's going on and the reasons behind it for many years now I've kind of changed my ways...

So maybe it's how you project yourself maybe it's your eye contact maybe it's the energy level that you project when you're talking with people maybe it's your tone of voice or the way that you answer it could be a lot of different things I would have to talk to you to find out but I'm sure it's something very very simple..

I don't really think it has anything to do with your looks whether you believe you look one way or another...

But it's something very simple I can guarantee you that in order for me to know I would have to talk to you for a couple minutes and you would tell me everything really without even knowing you told me

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man girl, I totally get feeling left out of the cliques at work - that sucks. But trust me, it says way more about them than it does about you, so don't take it personally! A few thoughts:

- People often gravitate to what's familiar when new. Give it time, keep being friendly and people will want to get to know you too.

- Ask thoughtful questions when chatting to show you're actively listening. People like feeling heard.

- Look for common interests you can bond over, like your favorite TV show or type of food. Small talk is key!

- Don't try too hard to impress - just be your fun, genuine self. Confidence is attractive.

- It's okay if you hit it off more with some than others. Quality over quantity with friends.

I'm sure there's nothing "lacking" in you - their inability to see how awesome you are is THEIR issue! You do you, girl. Your perfect work crew is out there. Just stay positive and opportunities will come. And remember, you definitely don't need their acceptance to feel good about yourself!

[genericname85]

the thing about fitting in is that you shouldn't try to fit in. you should find the people you fit in with. it's an entirely different game.

[worldscolide]

Man you may consider trying to get diagnosed for autism. My wife has mostly the exact same issues.

[PuffinPoo07]

Well I’d agree because we’re all on the autistic spectrum :)
I’m having a chat with a counsellor soon. I think it stems from an abusive childhood and self loathing

[worldscolide]

I dunno. But what ever happens, good luck

[PuffinPoo07]

Thank you so much. Sorry for being nosey but did your wife get help for her autism?

[worldscolide]

It wasn't so much as help she needed. She needed people to understand her. When I met her and found out about it, I spent months researching it, cause I wanted to be the right one for her.

You would not believe the number of people who treated her like she was broken.