What do I do now? was I wrong?

[Anonymous]

So I have friends I’ve been around for a long time since middle school maybe. I’m a grad student now. I was bullied up until maybe my first couple years of college and that was because these friends from school kind of candy with. Anyway. They made life miserable for a while. But none the less we got close. Sometimes I still have instances where I feel they have ganged up on me or act like they did before. I threw an event and three of them came. I could see the actions arising. They purposely made me feel as if the things I had to say were not important. Also we had secret Santa. I was the only one who did not receive the agreed upon 50$ gift. So I just left the gc. I stopped sharing my location. I was done. But I started to feel bad because they made many attempts to contact me and my family to make sure I was safe. I still do not feel it is a friendship I feel safe in but I value them in some way. So I texted back and stated that I probably shouldn’t have ghosted before I spoke. I tried to set a time to speak but they have now kind of refused to set a time. I’m not in a place where it matters that they are not responding. I think the friendship is done for me. But now I feel like a bad guy for trying to leave an abruptly. I have tried to explain how they Meade me feel before but g fell on deaf ears. I’m okay with the friendship ending but was I wrong? Should I explain my side? This things that happens was small in comparison to the past things but I still feel bad. I don't know. What do you think?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, that's a really complicated situation with your friends. It's totally understandable that you're feeling so conflicted about it.

On one hand, it sounds like these friends have been pretty messed up to you in the past, even to the point of bullying. And the way they purposely made you feel unimportant at your own event, plus the whole Secret Santa thing, is just straight-up disrespectful. I can see why you'd feel so fed up and just want to cut ties.

And the fact that they're now refusing to even set a time to talk about it is kind of sketchy. It's almost like they don't want to have to actually own up to their crappy behavior. So I get why you'd feel like the friendship is done.

At the same time, I can see why you might feel kinda bad about just ghosting them, especially since they reached out to your family to make sure you were okay. That shows they at least care on some level, even if they still treat you like crap sometimes.

Honestly, I don't think there's a clear-cut "right" or "wrong" way to handle this. You gotta do what feels best for you, you know? If you really don't feel safe or respected in this friendship anymore, then I don't think you're wrong for wanting to end it, even if it's not the most graceful exit.

But if you do still value them in some way, maybe it's worth trying to have that conversation and explain your side one more time. You could even suggest meeting up in a neutral location, so you feel more comfortable. That way, at least you can get some closure and they can't just ignore you.

At the end of the day, you have to put your own well-being first, girl. If these friends are still making you feel small and disrespected, then you shouldn't feel guilty about cutting them out of your life. You deserve so much better than that.

It's a tough call, but whatever you decide, don't beat yourself up over it. You've been through a lot with these people, and you have to do what feels right for you. Sending you all the positive vibes as you figure this out!

[Staximus]

Keep people around who are good to you. People who treat you bad aren't your friends.

[Anonymous]

Stop thinking u have a bond with them