Why do my friends keeps thinking I like my guy friend when I don’t?

[Anonymous]

So this guy friend I’ve known since 3rd grade and he had a crush on me starting in middle school. He’s always asked me to go to the dance with him and I told him no every time. I lot a guys didn’t want to go with me because they were intimidated by my height, plus size and overweight. I was 5’9 and 236lbs in middle school. High school I stopped at 5’11 and I gained more at 260lbs. I was out in a workout program by my parents. I did go to the dance with him twice (but as friends junior and senior year of high school). Junior year my crush (so handsome and good looking) rejected me and humiliated me in front of his jock friends. My best friends and other peers said my guy friend really likes me a lot and I’m always after guys that are out of my league. So I had my first boyfriend after I lost weight (went from 255 to 176). I was 18. We dated for three years until he cheated on me. Then this second guy I saw when I was 23, we had an on and off relationship for 10 months years. My guy friend never liked him and said he is isn’t the right guy for me. I complained to my best friend about my guy friend not liking any of the guys I’m interested in. She was like, “Hello? Are you this clueless? HE LIKES YOU! He’s had a crush on you for years. The boy’s in love with you! Honestly I think you like him too but just don’t want to admit it. When he had a girlfriend you kept looking at him and walked off when they kissed. You walked off. You were jealous.”

I denied it but she said words don’t always tell the truth but my face expressions and body does. I just wanted to let them have alone time. My friends think I like him but I’m too stubborn to see his words and he’s a great guy even if he isn’t the best looking one. Also they said he’s there when I need him but I always blow him off when I work things out with the guy.

Now I’m single, 25 almost 26 and now man snagged me up yet! I’ve been single for almost two years! My parents said I should give him a chance.

Updates

11 mo

I kept telling him for YEARS that I don’t like him and see him as a friend but he said I’m the only girl he has eyes for. Even my parents say I should give him a chance and every guy I liked was a douche.

Updates

11 mo

He never cared how tall or heavy I am and he liked me for how I am which I appreciate it. He’s not the best looking guy but he’s sweet. He’s chubby but losing weight. He’s 6’2

[Cormac995]

I'm going to be honest with you I really think you should at least give him a chance. Consider some of this. If he's been waiting on you for this long and the feelings have never faded he definitely loves you and if it's lasted that long frankly I think he'd marry you eventually and further from the sound of I think there is basically a 0% chance he'll cheat on you. No guy is going to wait that long unless he's too in love to care about other woman. Odds are the relationships kept failing for him because he was too in love with you to love someone else. He may have even been dumped because of it.

At the end of the day think about it? He's been loyal to you for years as a friend. He clearly loves you and, in my opinion, loves you too much to cheat even if the chance was handed to him on a golden platter. He makes sure to make your emotional wellbeing one of his top priorities and from the sound of it has for years.

The guy sounds incredibly affectionate and caring and from what I've heard I think he's a man of integrity to. Your also clearly safe with him too and I can't imagine any scenario where he could ever abuse you based on all this. Even if nothing comes of it and it doesn't work out, he sounds like a really good, sweet, and caring guy. Would it really be so bad to give him a chance at least with all this in mind?

[Asker]

Wow…. I guess I never saw it that way. The problem is, I don’t want to ruin the friendship. Even my older brother things this guy is right for me and if I don’t see his worth, he will move on and I will REGRET IT BIG TIME.
My parents said they refuse to let me be blind and told me the similarities of what you just said. My dad said he sounds like a keeper and I keep going after these good looking guys that keep breaking my heart or even average guys that break my heart. My mom said guys like him are very rare and just give him a chance. A guy that doesn’t even care that I’m not petite, tiny or skinny, he still had the hots for me even at 260lbs.
I did give him a chance when we went to the school dances together but there’s NO spark.
My first boyfriend after high school always abandoned me to talk to his friends where as my guy friend always stayed with me and never walked off talking to his friends and always let me know. I mean we’re close friends. We don’t leave each other hanging. He even warned me about the jock I had a crush on.

[Cormac995]

With this guy I think even if the relationship doesn't work out he'd want to stay friends unless you treated him really bad which I don't think you would. I've noticed a large chunk of good-looking people both men and woman have a kind of arrogance and entitlement because they're used to getting their way and having the pick of options since they're good looking, so they don't have to bother building a good personality to get what they want. It's obviously not always the case but there is a pattern.

Think about this. Lets say he gets a girlfriend and really does fall in love with her and moves on what's going to happen? Best case scenario you go from the most important person in his life to his second. Depending on what happens he could move away and you might never see him again. Further the things he's doing for you now would be off the table because it would be innapropriate in a commited relationship to be that close to you emotionally and wouldn't be fair to his partner.

How would your life change if he just disappeared overnight like the snap of your fingers and he was gone forever? How would it make you feel? What is the first thing you would think if he had a bad car accident, and you didn't know if he was still alive?"

Also, most of the time there actually really is no "spark" love is something that happens at its own pace and often times you have to put in work for that spark before you can bring it to flame. Also take into account your own actions. Why does he like you? Why is he so in love with you? If he cares that much, he sees something he thinks is beautiful about you.

[Cormac995]

By the way you say the last few relationships you've had we're garbage because you were mistreated. What would have been different about those terrible relationships? How many times can you think back to your boyfriend doing something mean and you thought "He'd never treat me like this!" about your friend? Also this is just a line of though I have no other context so this is not an attack and I could be 100% wrong BUT... What if part of why your relationships failed too is because all your boyfriends came up short compared to him? Does he treat you so well you can't find another man who gives the same level of attention? If you two are as close as it sound maybe the level of care and attention, he gives makes the emotional investment not work partly on their end because they don't like how close you are to him? Think about it. If other men kept comming up short because he did a better job than them over and over then you may have been in love and not even realized it because with how much he loves you nobody else meets your standards because he makes you feel cherished. Maybe it's making the other men in your life seem inferior by comparison? If you're judging men by the standard, he sets that sounds a lot like at least some kind of love to me.

[Asker]

Okay okay. I see what you’re saying. I would be devastated and hurt if I didn’t hear from him for a very long time. The problem is I still don’t see him that way. I asked my sister because everyone else isn’t listening to me. Our parents, our brother and my friends all said to just give the boy a chance and he might me the man of my dreams. My bestie said I’m so blind and the good man has been right in front of me for YEARS. She also said one of the other girls like him and I kept trying to push him to her and I know he likes me.
My sister said that’s up to me if I want to go out with him, but he sounds like a we’ll put together guy and I need to stop expecting a good looking 6’5 man because I need to lower my expectations. My sister also said they may have a point and he does have what a woman wants in a man and she wishes that a man was as loyal and caring like my guy friend is. Don’t push him away and the boy is in love with me. In LOVE with me since we guys were like 13 or 14. It’s up to me she said but don’t let a great guy like him go.
I said another girl likes him. Then she said, “Yeah but you keep pushing him to her and quite frankly, you’re afraid of a real relationship. You’re more comfortable and happier with him than with any other guy. Those guys you’ve dated we’re complete assholes.”

[Cormac995]

Your sister sounds like she's smart. I'm going to be straight forward with you your sister is completely right you do have unrealistic expectations. Do you know what percent of men in America are 6 foot or taller? 14.5% of American men. Can you see how much you just limited your options with that one single take alone?

Now you want him to be a good guy too and treats you as well or better than a guy who has literally dedicated like half of the best years of his life, In love with you? Then start considering out of that 14.5% gets smaller when you want him to be kind and even smaller when you want him to be good looking too. From a factual statistical standpoint your expectations are beyond unreasonable.

The only guy who has ever truly loved you has been in front of you basically worshiping the ground you walk on, but these are the sticking points that are causing problems?

[Cormac995]

You keep saying it's a bad Idea and you "Feel no spark." and again like I said the spark thing is more Hollywood than truth. You normally only get those kinds of feelings when you have really deep kisses with an SO your deeply invested in. That love at first kiss 99% of the time is Disney bullshit.

Further consider this. If every single god damned person you know from your friends to your family, to strangers online are telling you that you'll regret it if you let him go disagree with you and you are the only one out of dozens of people who thinks this is a bad idea you might want to consider there's a good chance your wrong just saying.

Also, if you pull a smoking hot guy, it doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of the marriage because if the looks are the biggest factor the moment you hit middle aged divorce time basically. Nobody looks good forever, we all get old, we all get wrinkly, we all get ugly eventually and we all die.

[Cormac995]

Also, I'd like to add the more you talk about this the more it sounds like your either, self-sabotaging, lying to yourself or maybe both. I almost feel like I'm watching a girl on a playground insisting she doesn't like her crush so much everyone knows she actually likes the guy. At least that's how this sounds and feels.

[Asker]

How am I self sabotaging myself or lying. Im not lying. I’ve told him that I don’t like him that way!!!
People are not listening and he isn’t listening to me!
My sister got frustrated with me and said, “You know what? If you want to play this game and self sabotage yourself, go ahead but you will regret this! Trust me. You like him. You blush when his name comes up so that proves that you really do like him but you keep lying to yourself because you rather go after guys you want that breaks your heart than a guy that’s known you for years that is madly in love with you! He is in LOVE. If you don’t see his worth, he WILL move on to another girl that will appreciate him and you WILL REGRET IT and you will get jealous.
You will wish that you were with him. Even dad said he’s boyfriend material and he likes him so much better than those jerks you be bringing home! Good looking and pretty guys aren’t the best boyfriends and guys that are less then that are better. Your choice.”

[Cormac995]

I didn't say you were lying, I said maybe you were lying to yourself. there's a big difference and I think you very well be. Look I'm going to be honest with you this is a one-of-a-kind guy if he's loved you this long frankly, I doubt he's even lost his virginity. He may not look like prince charming and be less handsome than some of the other guys but from every other perspective you literally sound like your life is a romance novel right now.

[Cormac995]

Are you sure you're not insecure or there is some other reason holding you back? He sounds like the kind of guy who would still love you even if you married someone else. It's your call at the end of the day but it feels to me like life is basically screaming at you to try and see what happens.

Even if you don't feel anything else based I what you've told me I don't think you could anyone could love you as much as he does. If you pass this up, and you can but I doubt you'll ever find someone else who loves you as much as he does as long as you live. People who have a bond like that with someone would rather die alone often times than settle for anyone else.

I really think your family, your friends and most of the people here too as well clearly think it's at least worth a shot to give him a chance. If you really don't love him after giving him a shot than there's nothing you can really do about it, but I think if you don't give it a shot, I think you're not just breaking his heart but probably your own down the road.

If you give him a shot too you need to give him a real shot too or I don't think it would be fair to him. If you give him a chance go in with an open and optimistic mind. I would highly recommend you guys try to make it work for at least 5 months and if you still feel nothing at all after that time there's probably nothing to it and you were right all along.

[Cormac995]

I would also recommend you show some genuine physical affection if you can with each other during that time period because that can actually bring out feeling you didn't know you had, speaking from my life experiences. Often times the relationship slowly grows more comfortable and loving until you eventually hit a point where you realize you really are in love and from there things really start to move.

I'm not saying you two should have sex or anything in that period if you don't feel comfortable doing that, but I'd recommend you at least spend a decent amount of time together and make cuddling and kissing or hugging a fairly regular part of the relationship. Physical contact really helps drive and build bonds and I think after a short while of it being a frequent activity theirs a very good chance you'll start feeling a spark.

[Cormac995]

That said try to be patient with him If you do give him a chance theirs a pretty good chance, he doesn't know what he's doing in bed or how to kiss etc. because he seems to have almost no experience with woman and I'm betting even less with going further if he ever has because he's too hung up on you.

It's your choice but I don't see any world where you can find a guy who loves you as much as this guy does even if you love someone else and do find a partner that meets your standards. Like I pointed out too just one of your preferences on its own takes all men except for 14.5% out of your potential dating pool if not more because that's just the people that are 6ft and higher.

Nobody can make you, but I think you'll look back on this later in life and realize you walked right passed the best chance you've ever had of being loved. Dating has never been harder than it is now, statisticly fewer people are dating than ever before even fewer are getting married and divorce rates are through the roof.

You've basically been handed the perfect life partner on a silver platter minus him being average looking. Besides if he's losing weight like you two, I think in time you might start finding him more attractive too, but I can't promise that.

[Cormac995]

sorry about so many replies the text boxes they give you here are too small.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell your friends the reality is even though physically you've reduced your heftyness. In your brain you're still that big girl. So as much as you might like that guy he's never going to be able to fill what's going on in your head. Yeah, you probably are picking guys outside your league. But that's what you really want. And the heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes it takes a couple decades to work this out and yourself only 25-29. When I was your age I wouldn't have considered a fat ugly chick either. A couple decades changed that. Maybe you'll get to that point, maybe you won't. But that's your journey, not thiers.

Just try to understand you friends are trying to prevent inevitable heartbreak for you. So try not to be too hard on them.

[Asker]

Look I appreciate them trying to keep me from heartbreak but I don’t need people finding a man for me. I can do that myself and they’re never taller.
My brother said I always choose horrible and pathetic losers that disrespect you and cheat on you. Don’t you want a nice boyfriend for once? Let me rephrase that…. a GOOD boyfriend. Stop running away from love. Stop running away from him. Give this boy a chance. He is in LOVE with you. Crazy about you!! You don’t understand. If guys go their way of being loyal, caring and stand up for a woman they like, they like them. He’s been chasing you for YEARS! We can’t make you go out with him but stop carrying around about what your ex did to you two years ago and give love a chance again. Get over your ex.”
Who says I still like my ex?

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you're complaining. Nobody wants to hear you complain if you keep repeating the same foolish mistakes.

[Asker]

I’m not complaining. I’m just telling you the facts.

[Anonymous]

You’re just talking yourself into settling, doesn’t matter how you cut it. You seek all the convincing possible.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[Opinion Owner]

I mean you aren’t really wanting to be with him, but you feel pressured by everyone and worried you’ll miss out on something. If I were you I’d kindly ask everyone prodding me in his direction to please stop. You aren’t some pathetic case desperate for a man, you are on gods time not everyone else’s. You don’t have to be more than friends and if he can’t accept that then he’s too much of a peer pressurer and you deserve better, I hate men who can’t take no for an answer.

[Asker]

Exactly! I mean you can’t make someone like someone else. It doesn’t work that way.
Nobody bothered to asked how I feel.

[Opinion Owner]

Very true, and I hope you keep this in mind when you’re tossing around giving him a chance again because you truly don’t have to. Reading this made me feel bad because you’re trying so hard to talk yourself into his arms and I just don’t understand it. You aren’t romantically compatible and that’s okay, he isn’t the only man left and it would be nice if the people in your life could stop acting like you’ll never have other options outside of him.

[Twalli]

Give it a chance. Relationships from friendships are the best. It will feel good to date a guy who finds you beautiful regardless of how you feel you look. In the end looks fade, but not the personality. He's clearly a good person for you ignoring looks.

[Asker]

I already gave him a chance at the school dance. No spark.
My best friend said that doesn’t count and they mean a REAL date not that juvenile school dances.
My guy friend said it’s nice to have someone tall because most of the girls we knew were petite, short and tiny. Well not all of them and most girls were average height.
Me being 5’11 is perfect and size doesn’t matter even though he likes big girls. He even said even if I’m 300lbs or 190lbs, he still says I’m beautiful either way.
He was one of the only guys that didn’t care that I was tall and very heavy at 260lbs.
I just don’t have feelings for him.

[Twalli]

You went to the dance as a friend. My sister took her best friend to her prom. She's engaged and he's married now. Go on a date with him considering romance.

[Asker]

No I don’t want too. I’ve told him I don’t like him that way and I was very clear with him.

[Twalli]

So basically, you're unwilling to be with a guy who will see you as beautiful regardless of how you or others view you.

[Asker]

If I had feelings for him I would. My sister said, “Honestly I think you like him. You have the hots for him but you just don’t want to admit it. You’re stubborn. Who cares of he doesn’t have a six pack? Who cares if he isn’t 6’5. He’s average but you deserve to be with a man that treats you like a queen and you’re wasting it but going after losers that treat you bad. Not a lot of guys are over 6ft so you tall ladies need to grow up. 6’2 isn’t bad. Just stop holding a grudge about what happened with your handsome ex and give this boy a chance! Again your choice, but just think about it. He’s a good man. Good man are very rare to find.”

[Twalli]

She's right

[MisterWack]

I know the choice is up to you and you alone, if you want to give your guy friend a chance & just one little chance go for it and if you don’t then you have every right not to. Your choice.