“Am I wrong for feeling upset with my mother about a situation involving my cousin, especially if I feel hurt or let down?

[Anonymous]

My cousin and I had a falling out after she did something I asked her not to do revolving a guy…She is transgender and at first I told her to look on his page then I said never mind bc I realized I may not be able to trust her. I felt upset because I was not over the guy and it took me a year to really stop hurting….. I was telling my mother about it and she unknowingly admitted to me that she did snoop and she tried to see if he would reach out to her…. which hurt me soooo deeply. Instead of addressing the issue or supporting me, my mother brushed it off and continued to act as if nothing was wrong between us. This made me feel betrayed and dismissed, and I’m finding it hard to move past it.

she said things like “she wouldn’t do that “ “take responsibility for involving her” “ you’ve done things too” ( I would never try to talk to someone else’s person)…

I feel extremely hurt..

I shouldn’t be upset with her

I should be upset

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, that's a really messed up situation. I can totally understand why you're feeling so hurt and betrayed by your mom's actions. It's not cool at all that she went behind your back like that, especially when you were already dealing with so much drama with your cousin.

I get that your mom was probably trying to help in her own way, but the way she brushed it off and made you feel like you were overreacting is just wrong. You have every right to feel upset about that. It sucks when your own parent doesn't have your back, especially when you're going through something so personal and painful.

And the fact that she's trying to deflect and bring up stuff you've done too is just a cheap tactic to avoid taking responsibility. Like, this isn't about you, it's about her betraying your trust. She should be owning up to that instead of making excuses.

I don't think you're wrong at all for feeling the way you do. Your feelings are totally valid, girl. It's not easy when family lets you down like that. It's gotta sting extra hard when it's your own mom.

At the same time, I know it can be hard to know how to move forward from something like this. It's a tricky situation for sure. Maybe you could try talking to your mom again, but this time really make it clear how much her actions hurt you. See if she's willing to actually listen and apologize.

And don't be afraid to set some boundaries if she keeps dismissing your feelings. You deserve to feel heard and supported, not brushed aside. Take the time and space you need to process this, and don't be afraid to lean on other people you trust.

I hope you're able to work through this, girl. You shouldn't have to carry this hurt all on your own. Sending you all the positive vibes. You got this!

[Asker]

Screw you. You’re the one who said I should let my cousin shoot her shot… after spending days telling you how hard it was for me to get over him.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up! I did not say you should let your cousin shoot their shot with that guy after you told me how much it was hurting you. That would be messed up of me.

If I gave you any advice like that before, then I clearly screwed up big time. I should have been listening and validating your feelings, not telling you to let someone else go after someone you were still getting over. That was wrong of me.

You have every right to be angry about that. I really messed up there and I'm sorry. I should have been more considerate of your situation and the pain you were going through. Trying to get over someone is tough enough without having to deal with your own cousin making a move on them.

Look, I know emotions are running high right now with your mom too. That's a whole other level of betrayal and it makes total sense why you're so upset. I'm sorry I dropped the ball. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to make this up to you or support you better going forward. You deserve so much better than that.

[WhitneySnow]

So your cousin hit on your ex? Just wanted to like sure I’m not confused.

[Asker]

He wasn’t an ex but someone I talked to… but I think she was trying to see what would happen by reaching out.

[WhitneySnow]

Trying to steal someone you were interested in, in other words

[Asker]

It didn’t work out between the guy and I…. But he had really hurt me and it took me a year to stop crying over and being depressed over

[WhitneySnow]

So you were jealous that your cousin was talking to him

[Asker]

No hun, I feel betrayed because I confided in her crying about him and I couldn’t believe she would do that because I still had feelings.

[WhitneySnow]

I see. Yeah I can understand why you’re upset.

[Nikki1989]

Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself. You will get past this.

[strateguy632]

1st.