Are you allowed to hug your therapist?

[Anonymous]

My therapist asked me what would help me calm down before a session and I think if I could get a hug it would but I was to embarrassed and nervous to say that

Updates

1 y

I ended up getting this really cool stress ball and I realize that’s all I needed was something I could physically squeeze and put my energy into

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a tough one. I totally get why you might want a hug from your therapist, especially if it helps you feel calmer before a session. But the rules around physical contact with therapists can be kinda complicated.

Generally speaking, most therapists try to maintain pretty strict boundaries with their clients. Hugging, physical touch, or anything too intimate is usually off-limits, even if the client requests it. The therapist's job is to provide a professional, therapeutic relationship - not a personal one.

There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost, it's about protecting the client's wellbeing and ensuring the therapy remains focused on their needs, not the therapist's. Crossing those boundaries could potentially be seen as the therapist taking advantage or blurring the lines.

There's also the risk of transference, where the client develops strong feelings (romantic or otherwise) for the therapist. That can really complicate the treatment and make it harder for the client to open up honestly.

So I'd be really careful about asking your therapist for a hug, even if you think it would help you feel better. They may not feel comfortable providing that, and could see it as an inappropriate request.

That said, if you're struggling with anxiety or feeling upset before sessions, it's totally valid to bring that up. Your therapist should be able to provide support and coping strategies that don't involve physical contact. Maybe they can suggest some breathing exercises, guided meditation, or other techniques to help you feel more calm and centered.

The most important thing is that you feel safe and respected in your sessions. If you're ever uncomfortable with the way your therapist is interacting with you, don't hesitate to speak up or even look for a new provider.

I know it can be nerve-wracking to open up, but your therapist is there to help you, not hurt you. Just be honest about your needs, and trust that they'll find appropriate ways to support you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If you can't learn to say whats on your mind and what you need in life without worry of embarrassment, you'll never be happy.

[Asker]

So I should tell her?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Controlled deep breathing is scientifically proven to calm the brain. There are tons of YouTube videos on how to do it. You can check out somatic release exercises and therapies while you're at it. Walking or sitting in a park or green space is also shown to help with calming the body. An emotional support animal might be worth considering, or going to an animal shelter to spend some time with animals.

That said, you don't need to hug your therapist. That's crossing a line.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Manual deep breathing actually stresses me out, so I dunno about that being "scientifically proven".
I second the get a pet suggestion though.
Hugs are only crossing the line if the other person isn't ok with it.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@TheSpaceGnome I would never contradict someone's experience in the name of science. :) There's a lot of positive data surrounding the effects of deep, diaphragmatic breathing on the central nervous system and the the primal brain responses. There are of course always exceptions, and that is where more data is required. Why this affects some but not all, if the study is being conducted accurately, etc. Thanks for bringing that up. :)

Therapists are under strict rules regarding their patients and physical contact is one of those rules.
That being said, he may of course ask. She'll simply tell him no and explain the rules. :)

[TheSpaceGnome]

That implies that professional therapists cannot be friends or family.

In my personal opinion, hiring a therapist is pointless, but if you are going to do so, at least have them act like family/friends (because those are what a person actually needs).

Also I'm "zen" whem I'm hyper and multitasking and leaving my bodily functions to their normal automated routines. To each their own, but I imagine most of the populace agrees with me considering how popular caffiene is.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@TheSpaceGnome That's basically the essence of it. They aren't really supposed to be a friend, any more than a doctor is. They are supposed to operate within specific perimeters to support the patient and help identify negative thought patterns such as black-and-white thinking, cognitive distortions, etc. Developing a relationship beyond the safety of the therapeutic environment risks a negative outcome for the patient and places the ethics of the therapist under scrutiny. That's not to say they don't have friends; it's simply unlikely that they could ethically treat a friend due to conflict of interest. That's why it's such a terrible idea for pastors to pretend they are therapists with their congregants. :)

I can see your point about therapists. Many, many people agree with that perspective. I have my own view on that, but I can respect yours, too.

I'm with you. I like to be busy, too. :)

[Nikki1989]

You can try to hug anyone, but some might pull away.

[Asker]

I’d ask permission of course and if there not comfortable with it I’d understand just was nervous about asking but I think it would help me

[JonCobretti]

Is that a man or a woman?

[Asker]

Woman I think that’s why I felt weird asking

[JonCobretti]

Would you have asked for a hug if it was a man?

[Asker]

No because I don’t feel as open and comfortable around men she has the quality's of nurturing I didn’t get as a kid and I feel comfortable with her. I don’t feel that way with men but that’s because there not as nurturing as women. That’s just how I look at it

[JonCobretti]

You just wanna bang her dude, lets be honest here

[Asker]

No honestly offended you’d say that

[In_Trance]

Dies the therapist have a penis?

[Asker]

No and that would make it less weird probably

[In_Trance]

Not appropriate. Don't say it; don't do it