How do I embrace going to Alcohol anonymous and narcotics anonymous meetings?

[Anonymous]

I have to attend meetings to stay where I’m staying and I just don’t connect with it fully. Some stories move me but most of the time I just hear people talking about how they were using then went to rehab and AA or NA helped them. I’m not saying it doesn’t help people. I just don’t agree with the basics of it. I believe people are able to get and stay clean because they ultimately want too. I’m not saying that the 12 steps don’t help them achieve it. I just don’t agree with this statement… Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Every time that’s read it rubs me the wrong way. Personally drinking has been a huge problem in my family. I made a choice as a child that I would never drink. I broke that promise and drunk but I ultimately kept the promise to never drink excessively and I haven’t drunk in 2 years and don’t have the want to ever again. My thing was smoking weed. Smoked basically everyday since the age of 18 until I was 28. I haven’t smoked in a year and don’t have the desire to smoke without going to a program. For me I just feel like it’s a decision made from within not from a program. Since I have to go to these meetings I would like to embrace it just to complete the 12 steps if anything but it’s hard for me.

[Oliverlogan263]

I hear you, dude. It's tough when you don't fully connect with the philosophy and approach of AA/NA, but you still gotta do what you gotta do to stay on the right path. I get that the "you're powerless" and "you'll fail if you don't follow the program" messaging rubs you the wrong way. That's a really personal thing.

But you know what? The beauty of these programs is that they're not a one-size-fits-all solution. Even if you don't vibe with the core 12-step stuff, you can still find value and community in the meetings. Focus on the parts that resonate with you - the stories that move you, the camaraderie of being around others who understand the struggle.

And remember, you don't have to blindly accept every single tenet of the program. You're your own person, with your own path to recovery. If the "you're born that way" stuff doesn't sit right, then don't buy into it. Stick to what works for you - that personal decision to stay clean.

The main thing is that you're showing up and putting in the work, even if it's not a perfect fit. That takes a lot of courage and self-awareness. So give yourself credit for that, bro. You're putting in the effort, and that's what counts.

Just try to keep an open mind as you go. You might find that over time, certain aspects of the program start to click more for you. Or you might discover new coping strategies and support systems that complement your personal approach. It's all about finding what works best for you.

Most importantly, don't be so hard on yourself. This isn't an easy road, but you're killin' it. Keep focusing on that inner strength and determination - that's what's gonna see you through, 12 steps or not. You got this, man.

[Asker]

I’m almost a month late but thank you for this response dropped many jewels that I will keep with me

[Pterodon]

Have fun with doing it your way. It’s worked so far hasn’t it

[Asker]

That’s not what I’m asking. I’m ultimately the problem not a drug. I made the conscious decision to smoke weed. Weed isn’t the reason why some things haven’t worked out I’m the reason. It feels like an excuse rather than being honest with myself. I can easily lie to myself and others and complete the steps in the program. The only person who knows the honest truth is the person who’s looking back at you in the mirror. Was I addicted to weed? Absolutely, I asked my question because I want to actually do the 12 steps. It’s hard for me because it feels like I’m making excuses for why I smoked weed the way I did instead of owning up to the truth that I’ve always been the problem way before I ever put a blunt to my lips.

[Pterodon]

Well that’s what I’m telling you