Parents who separated from the other parent of their child/ren, what’s some advice you’d give to a newly single mom?

[petitedollbabee]

Didn’t think I’d ever have to ask a question like this, but unfortunately me & my partner have split, and I’m just a little lost on ‘where to’ from here when it comes to our son. I don’t know any single parents/solo parents whom I can ask advice from in person. Hopefully some gag-ers have words of wisdom!

[Purpleronnie]

I’m so sorry that you find yourself in this situation , it’s unfortunately fairly common however.


You haven’t shared any details that could help us offer more soecific advice so forgive me if this seems a little generic



The adjustment of the split on you emotionally will likely be challenging so I would say firstly draw on any support you can get financially straight away otherwise this will only add to the pressure you feel upon you. which may escape into your relationship with your son and ex making things more mercurial and volatile than they may already be.


Make sure from this day forward that your ex gets the time with his son that he deserves and or ia able to offer , he needs to always be in his son’s life if possible.


Never let your son , or use him as a weapon against your ex , your son should be reminded by both of you always that what’s happened had nothing to do with him and that both of you love him and always will.


Create an emotional distance from your ex , don’t get drawn in to arguments or spats and try as hard is it may be to be fair and even sympathetic to his position as he should to yours , neither of you should ever be enemies.


Finally. Your going to be ok and so is your son , take this time to re-Centre yourself as much as you can , make a routine and a forward plan and stick to it , the rest will fall into place.

[petitedollbabee]

Thank you, thats great advice. His dad will certainly have equal time with our son, he’s a good & involved dad and our break up was healthy, so there’s no reason for me to interfere with that. I want my son to have his dad around. And I will never ever use my son against his dad, my parents did that with me and it was toxic.

[Purpleronnie]

Well thank you , and nice to know your split was a healthy one , that should make the path forwards a little easier to navigate for all of you. I think it’s great also that dad is fully invested , I hope that never changes. You sound level headed and focussed and likely even determined given the insight you shared of your childhood. Good luck to you all. Maybe you could share a my take on the near future so that I can see how your all getting on?

[ohsheeT]

First things first I'm sorry to hear that I hope your ex is not like most guys. And he Provides for your so.

Next thing if you guys get in to an argument. Don't do it around your son
He has a clean brain up there just waiting to be fill up with with positive things.

Ok so when you have a child. It's you job to make them better and smarter than you

Another thing if you are mad one day and he does something wrong . don't take it out on him
the way you you talk your tone of voice body language is what he will be paying attention to the most. And you won't even know it

Healthy food are a must. Because just about every man made foods are filled with garbage... don't. Give any Sodas are sugary juice.
I mean don't let him even taste it
Because of what you do that's all he's going to want. Just be a good mom. Pay attention to every thing you say and do because he Is paying attention And he will copy you

Get in on the schedule that you can do everyday and love teach him guide him because one day you are going to be so proud of him

[sage2021]

My son and I were abandoned by my husband when my son was only 6 months old. He never paid his court ordered child support. He stole my car that I had before I ever knew him. Yep! The girls went after him and he left us right before Christmas 🎄🎁.
How old is your son? Because that will help us to help you. And do you live in America?
If you would please answer those two questions I'm sure you will get more opinions.

[petitedollbabee]

My son is 11 months and we live in New Zealand.

[IslaTheWitch]

children need both parents... put as much effort as needed to keep the bond between your son and his father... whatever is between adults should never impact the kid...

[Kelly6]

@islathewitch
Totally agree with this, for kids

[KittygosMeoWW]

Don’t invest your time to try to make things work while coparenting, keep it cordial but never too friendly. Make sure you figure out what boundaries are and set them. Take some parenting classes/coparenting classes should you go to court for custody it’s better to show you’ve already done them.

[PrincessC16]

You've already got some great advice here so I'm not going to add to it. But if you have anymore or you just need to talk you can message me here. I too was a single mom. I raised two boys by myself. They are grown now and wonderful boys!

[unknowngurll1212]

It's okay to feel lost right now. Just focus on creating a peaceful, loving space for your son. Stability, patience, and self-care go a long way. You’re doing better than you think 🤍...

[petitedollbabee]

Thank you 🤍

[Finchie40]

If your partner is leaving you , then the best thing for you to do is go file for child support and emergency custody of your child , the courts will determine the rest

[petitedollbabee]

We have mutually split up. There’s no need for emergency custody or child support. We’ll have shared custody, my son will have a relationship with his father. His Dad is a great parent.

[Finchie40]

Well if you both are willing to work together for your kids’ sake then just do what you feel is best for you your child , whether you want to date other guys’ lr not , is clearly up to you to decide. Being a single parent isn’t the worst thing if you make the best of it for you and your child , when your child goes to his Dad’s house then do whatever you feel is best for yourself. Spend time with family and friends’ and go out and have fun

[petitedollbabee]

Thank you 🙂

[princeofromance]

You were doing mom duties when you and your partner were together. Continue to do those duties, while not being afraid to ask for help from family or friends if needed.

[BruceWayne987]

Sorry to hear that your relationship didn’t work out. I have no experience in this situation myself but I would just say to try to work together to make sure that your son still feels loved by both of you. Even if you aren’t together, he is still going to want both of his parents in his life and if that is a possibility then I would try your hardest to make it a reality.

[DrPepper12]

Build reciprocal relationships with everyone.

Prioritize your self at times

[Ariesman81]

Respect the boundaries defined by the custody arrangement. Get comfortable letting go of control of your son when he's with his father.

[petitedollbabee]

We won’t be going through the court to sort out custody, thankfully we had a healthy break up and it was mutual, and have agreed that we’ll have equal shared custody. 3.5 days each. His dad is a good & involved dad so no worries there.

[nicfire171]

Hey I can give advice based on being a child of divorce

[lightbulb27]

@midnightmoon05


Yea

[lightbulb27]

Try to work it out , people mate so easy but give up easy too.
The child needs to know they are loved and both parents are good.

[Staximus]

Do you live with this guy?

[petitedollbabee]

Yes, we’ve lived together for most of our relationship. As of our split, he is currently getting finances sorted so that he can find his own place to live. But we will have to continue to live together until that happens.

[Staximus]

Are you married? Make sure you cover your ass legally and financially in case things get messy

[petitedollbabee]

We’re not married.

[jahaims]

Put your kid first