I kind of hate my aunt. Am I wrong to?

[Hotzone417]

My aunt lives with me. She's 68, she never takes care of herself so she's essentially a cripple, and is constantly whinning about it. She's not in a wheelchair or anything, but she has trouble walking, and she's fallen like 8 times since she moved in 4 months ago. She drinks too, so a couple of those were just because she was drunk. She often comes to my room to sit on my bed and whine about how miserable he life is. I wanna tell her to shut up, but im too nice, so I just pretend I'm listening, and act sympathetic. She goes to clean some people's house like once a week. She went to vacuum today, and came home saying her back hurts. I just thought okay whatever. So a couple hours later she shows up in my room hunched over. Im like here we fucking go. I'm laying there in my pajamas watching a movie, and she asks me to go get her some vodka. I have trouble saying no, so I went to get her some vodka. She shut up now, so I can finally go to sleep (unless she wakes me up bitching about something else), I've talked to her about getting a care taker to come help her like once a week so I dont have to fuss with her. I didn't say that but it's what I was thinking. She said no. Even though her insurance would cover it. I really want her out of my life, and I honestly don't care what happens to her.

[Rosexøxø]

Well you didn’t really say why. Seems like you both aren’t compatible socially.. at least. And you’re in a zone where you want your one space and perhaps feel she’s intruding on that.

I’d recommend you get her the aid or get yourself a therapist and group or solo hobby to cope with stress. With or without her. With her to start and most importantly, but in general overall cause you being nice or so is causing you to suppress other emotions usually anger if not also fear or really any other negative emotion.

Which is a no good route either and all. If it hasn’t been a long time yet and you’re both this bothered, it won’t progress well. Maybe plan for this to be short term. If not an aid for her she go to therapy. Her cope seems to be vodka and looking for an outlet to vent to others and you happen to be around a few times. Then your cope is just ignore and these two aren’t the best out of the grand scheme of coping mechanisms/strategies/options.

I really recommend getting something ^^ what I said earlier for either or both of you. Honestly both seem ideal. So you both can heal and focus on being happy or just content for starters with what you’ve got goin on currently.

Things just won’t magically improve on their own. And you both are who you are so neither of you are really going to do any drastic changes from being in this habit/routine you’re both developing at home or when near each other.

Maybe your suppression leads you to believe you have stronger emotions more extreme ones, and it may feel that way. Your previously suppressed feelings just builds so what you feel next may amplify. Basically you may just really dislike her or her presence or just anyone in your private space and yet the previous suppressed feelings and this suppression of these current ones feels like hate instead of disliking.

Whether you dislike or hate, you’re free to feel what you feel and think and believe what you believe. Just don’t act out in a way you’d later regret or would negatively impact your lives for the worst.

consider therapies/hobbies/ health aide. Things like that. Maybe journal. Social group. Something that leaves you feeling folded inside out and refreshed. Rejuvenated and a bit lighter on the chest and mentally. Stress if left alone for certain amount of time can somewhat affect or “manifest” in different areas of our bodies like headaches or nausea. If left alone for longer the issues could worsen like having chronic bowel issues or so.

So really consider what I said, and one this is don’t worry what others think of you. You’re doing alright. Was cool of you to take her in. Maybe wasn’t the best or what you wanted, or the best outcome, but you’re not bad if she stays elsewhere. Just try and make sure she leaves you on a good note. Maybe she can go to senior living area or another relative. Things like that.

Best to you. Focus on your own health and happiness instead of what others think of you. If everyone here said you were awful for it, you can’t take personal. Can’t let your feelings rest in the words of others. Or thoughts of others about you.

[Rosexøxø]

Hope this helped somehow and wishing you both the best. If you really HATE her good news is it’s not forever. Sadly and hopefully she’s not trying to end her life faster than usual by abusing alcohol.

She won’t be here long and she should try and spend out her final day a bit better and you should spend your moments at this age doing what you think will be good for you. (And legal ideally). 😳👍😂

[Effably]

Honestly one of the harder things to do as a fellow human is to get rid of people harmful to you.

Friend or family member who always needs help? Of course you want to help! So you do. But suddenly you are enabling them. Taking care of them goes from a one-time appreciated instance to a recurring thankless job. The worst thing? Progress stops. They can lean on you. To them this is a solution.

Don't get me wrong. I am not really blaming her or people in her position. Everyone needs help and when you are empty and burned out even accepting help can be all the energy you have. It is a shitty position to be in.

But you are not helping her. She is not helping you. You are unintentionally making her dependent and she is unintentionally robbing you of parts of your life.

I don't even think you hate her but rather the situation. So no, you're mostly in the right. My advice is to sit down. Firmly tell her you need to go back to living your life and that the two of you need a firm plan for her to get things back in order. Do not accept a plan that delays it or is uncertain. If she needs to recover she needs to do so somewhere without you.

It might seem harsh but enabling 'victims' to remain that way is harmful too.