Am I a bad aunt?

[Bysin21]

My niece who is 26 years old always asks me for money. Most recently she wanted me to co sign a car for her. Often times I will help her with money or in general as best I can.

However, I feel she harbors anger toward me. She ran away from home as a teen. Her mom my sister was neglectful and abusive towards her. At the time I was trying to care for my sick mother. I had planned to take her in but found she really didn't listen to me and liked to be in the streets. So, I changed my mind. Instead, I looked for a program that helped troubled teens and planned to enroll and support her through the program. She opted not to do this. Instead, spent years couch hopping with friends. Eventually, she got into trouble and spent a year in jail. I still tried to be emotionally supportive but didn't think it was a good idea for her to live with me after being released. Though I continued to help her financially and was supportive in other ways.

She recently decided to get pregnant on purpose without being financially stable in any way. She tends to reach out to me for money etc. However, she's united with her father's family and dotes on them. She also tends to lie.

Am I a bad aunt because I keep her at a distance? Has anyone else had a similar experience?

[kyleelyn199723]

I think the only bad that you are doing , is you are enabling her ways by giving her money and being an outlet for her to fall back on. You need to find a way besides money that shows you are there for her, but aren’t there for her bad choices in life. I don’t have the best answer for you on what exactly that would be, but enabling a persons habit is probably amongst the worst things you can do for them

[AviatorTom]

You're not a bad aunt. You tried to help her and she decided to do other things. Your niece is an adult. responsible for her own actions. I'm sure you feel bad that she's turning out the way she is, but that's her issue, not yours.

[AviatorTom]

Thanks for the mho

[Fireguy17]

No you are not a bad aunt, she is a horrible niece.
The more you give her, the more she will want and demand.

[JohnK123]

No she sounds like she has some problems
why would she have a kid when she can’t afford it or anything?

[Bysin21]

Her rationale for getting pregnant is that she didn't want to be old and trying to have a baby. Mind you I'm 43 with no kids of my own due to having medical issues. I think she sees my age as old even though she overtly denies it.

Her other reason was to have a baby so she'd have someone who would love her back. Despite my expressing my love to her or her grandmother. I just think she is very damaged from the neglect and abuse from her mom.

In general she presents as easily angered and overly sensitive. Very bull headed and stubborn.

But I do love my niece and I pray for her and do what I can.

I'd bet $50k that she's bad mouthed me to her father's family because growing up I didn't let her as a child tell me what to do. Now, that her dad appeared in her life over the last year or so she's smitten with him and his family. Apparently I am just a money machine. She's supposed to visit tomorrow. If she actually does I bet she'll beg me for something before leaving. I get offended because I don't feel she does that with her dad or his family.

End rant... thank you for your feedback.

[JohnK123]

Oh no lmao if u wanna keep talking u can haha
But yeah personally u sound like a great aunt who loves their niece
And good job being firm and putting your foot down you can’t let a younger person dictate what u do, especially if it involves hard earnings such as money

[Bysin21]

Ps... she ask me to buy her an expensive wig. She does work but not steadily and lives in very low income housing. She claims her paychecks are only $100.00. I know no one can fully prepared for a child but my niece is just a mess. But I love her. I hope she gets her life together. I do see she tries or has the thought to try but lack motivation and drive. She's not a hustler when it come to working hard and having discipline.

[JohnK123]

That’s where the problem starts
😂 and a wig (no offense)