Do you think it’s rude that my friends assume that I’m coming over every weekend? My family complains that I barely see them?

[Anonymous]

They just think I’m coming over every weekend. They should have asked because assuming that I’m going to come over. My friend said, “We haven’t heard from you because we didn’t know if you’re still coming over. You usually come over every Friday.” See they don’t care to ask me anymore. They always assume that I’m coming over every weekend. I have other friends and I have family to see. I missed three family get togethers. I asked if they wanted to meet up with them. We did once. I love being over there but I just want it be at my own house. I think it’s rude that they assume I’m coming over every weekend. It’s been like this since after my mom died. I mean it was a bit before then. I know my friend who’s autistic like me doesn’t do much but stay home. She doesn’t go to a day program anymore because of the junk since covid. Not a lot of our peers hang much only once a year or month. What if I end up getting a boyfriend or start doing activities in other weekends?

[HollyK21]

I don’t think it’s rude because you’ve gone out of your way to be with her every weekend. You posted about this before and how at the time, there was a family event happening one weekend but you didn’t want to flake on your friend. You are the one who made your weekends revolve around her on purpose so I don't know why it would be rude that she assumes you just want to hang every weekend. And you never actually speak up for yourself or say anything to her so how would she know any better?

[Asker]

It is rude because they don’t ask me if I’m busy anymore. I told them I can’t always be there every weekend

[HollyK21]

Maybe it was rude in the beginning but it’s not anymore and thats your own fault. Why ask if we think your behavior was rude if you already believe that it wasn’t?

[Asker]

How is it my own fault?

[HollyK21]

Because YOU created this pattern, therefore you created an expectation that you’ll be there every Friday.

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If I consistently pick up my friend from work every Wednesday/Thursday for months on end, that becomes a pattern, a routine, an expectation. So if I just don’t show up one day, and she’s like “you usually pick me up on Wednesday and Thursday so I just assumed you were coming”, is it fair to be upset that she expected me to come? When that has been our unspoken arrangement and routine for months prior? I mean sure I could say it’s rude not to ask first but she hasn’t had to ask in months, which would be my own fault for not making that a requirement previously.

So in your situation, things can change going forward. You can have a chat with her about not going every Friday Or request that she ask your availability first before assuming you’ll be there Friday. But it’s not rude to expect what comes with a routine. It’s the persons fault who created that routine. If you disagree, please explain why it’s wrong for her to expect you at her house every Friday when that has been your routine for months?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you all have communication issues.

[Anonymous]

yeah rude

[jahaims]

You're an idiot