Befriended hot girl, what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

So I befriended a beautiful woman…unintentionally.

I’m in charge of supply ordering and stocking at my job and so happen to stock her department. Many times, she has been alone when I get there, which lead us to talking and getting to know each other.

Now it’s been a good year of this. Crazy thing for me, I’m usually for introverted and tend to be more quiet especially around attractive woman. Always have been. I’m 39, she’s 36. But we just got along so well. The comfort I feel with her is crazy. Like we’ve known each other forever. It was like this from the very beginning.

So, she is in a LTR with two kids. Recently had a baby last year. No problem there because I never thought of trying to approach her that way. It’s been friendly this whole time and I have no illusions about a “what if” future…

But it is getting hard not to find her attractive or be semi jealous of the boyfriend. I mean, more of a “why can’t I find someone like this” kinda way…but also like…”damn, she is perfect” and feel like she can be a big unintentional tease.

We tell each other everything. I’m there for her when she needs me for whatever is needed cause I care about her a lot. I’m not friends with her because I think she’s hot but because her personality is so sweet and she makes me feel good inside whenever we are around. I’m even surprised we hit it off so well because a lot of guys have tried around here and failed.

With telling each other everything, I know things about her that are hard to look past in a way cause I guess I’m a dude lol she’s shared her favorite thing to do is have sex, she’s into women, she has and would have threesomes, talks about outfits she was going to wear…and it’s like ahhh!! lol add that to her personality, her kindness and sense of humor…and in my eyes, she’s perfect. BUT I know I’m torturing myself by thinking of her like that which is confusing because at times I don’t and just think of her as an awesome friend. What should I do to get past this?

[Levin]

I've been in your situation, and let me tell you, if you continue like this, you're going to experience a world of pain.

She's in a relationship. Not to be a dick, but she's not perfect because she has kids. Bringing up someone else's kids is not my idea of fun.

I think you probably need to raise your standards and find someone who values you. It doesn't matter how well you get on, she will always put her boyfriend first. Don't play second fiddle.

In the end I had to terminate the friendship and it was absolute agony for about 6 months after.

Keep raising yourself up and you will find the right girl.

[Asker]

Thank you for that, need to hear stuff like this. Stuff that makes me stop from cutting it off, just the fact we get along so well. I haven’t found that in forever. It is torture hearing about things sometimes, she does so much for that man it’s like crap…won the lottery there in a ways but yes, I will definitely always be second. She actually has less time now to talk due to the new baby. She’s also about to start classes to become a nurse will only take more time and eventually move jobs. So in the end, maybe it’s meant to cut loose. It’s hard to think of because she’s been such a constant in my life and it’ll hurt losing a dope friend like that. Harder for me since I’ve gone through life finding it hard to even make friends.

But again, thank you!

[Levin]

Same scenario as me and her. Her boyfriend was sort of okay, but emotionally retarded. So I guess she'd get the emotional connection from me, but everything else from him. Obviously, self respect has to come in at some point. But tbh, we were more like platonic friends, rather than me worrying about a relationship. What would bother me would be that she'd talk to me for hours on end on instagram. But if I ever wanted to do anything in person, see her, well...

And yes, my 'trauma' is rejection and I find it difficult to make meaningful friends. So to have someone with whom I got on perfectly. We would meet up, and spend 12 hours together non-stop talking. There was never any silence or discomfort. And we were on the same wavelength. I have odd views so it is rare. We got each other through convid. And she would put in the effort and initiate just as much as I did, well, at least on IM.

Do what you gotta do. But for me, my heart had had enough.

[Nikki1989]

@Levin

"Not to be a dick, but she's not perfect because she has kids."

Are you sure you are not being a dick?

[Levin]

@Nikki1989 Yeah, a bit of a dick now that you mention it.

[StephanieChick111]

If she is telling you about her sex life, she is hinting that she is interested in you. Share some of the things you like to do in bed. Hopefully she will be like oh I love that or I wanted to try that. Try asking her out for coffee. Make some excuse to get her over your house and make your move. Good luck.

[Nikki1989]

If you can't figure this out at your age, you shouldn't even be thinking about dating.

[Anonymous]

This is why i don’t like to befriend men, because of shit like this happening, makes me wanna gag just thinking about it