My younger cousins mock me for not knowing how to properly take care of my own hair? Should I be ashamed?

[Anonymous]

Well first of all, I’m autistic and I had to admit that I am pretty lazy. I do well academically in school. I do comb my hair but I don’t always check it and my family nags at me that I need to start taking care of myself properly and I will never get a boyfriend if I’m going to be a slob and not take care of my hygiene. I do take a shower and dress nice.

I don’t really know how to use a flat iron or curler by myself and I almost burnt my hair and my aunt had to stop me and she said it’s best that I have someone do it for me. One of my coworkers asked me if I can braid or French braid. I told her I can braid but can’t French braid. She had this look on her face and said, “You don’t know how to friend braid? Oh my god! Seriously?”

I kept telling her that I can braid. Then she said, “I thought since you were…no offense black, you would know how to French braid? I even my 11 year old cousin knows how to French because.” Then she asked someone else to do it.

[ohsheeT]

No nothing to be ashamed of at all

And you don't have to be mad at her. Tell her, thank you, blow her away. Be nice. She won't know what to do

Look, there's so many of us that don't know how to do certain things you can't get defensive about it. If it's true , it's true , it's not even a big deal

If she wants to make a big deal out of it , let her all you have to do is look her in the eyes and say , well , thank you , I appreciate you telling me that and walk away.

Whether it's true or not, it doesn't even matter what matters is, you acknowledged it. And now you're going to do something about it or try to it really is not a big deal. So don't be ashamed, don't be angry at your cousin. It's a learning moment any chance you get a learning moment. Go for it. Everybody leaves their egos outside the house. It's not a big deal. That's why I say tell her , thank you because she won't know what to do if you do that lol look, I don't care what it is even if I know it.\nEach and every day there's a new way to do things so far as I'm concerned, I don't know anything because it's already changed. There's a new wave somewhere

Look, the best thing you could do is just love yourself. Be happy with yourself and tell yourself each day is a working progress. I will never ever catch up but it will be fun trying to

When you're doing something , pay attention to it , as you're doing it , try to look for new ways to do it.

Because I don't care what it is in this world that you're trying to do. There's always more than one way to do it. Just be happy. Don't let people get you down as a matter of fact , thank them every chance you get if they want to put you down , thank them you can never have enough knowledge

[Anonymous]

No, you should not be ashamed; hair styling is a manual skill, not a measure of your worth, hygiene, or intelligence. Your coworker’s comments were based on an ignorant stereotype, and your family's pressure ignores the fact that executive dysfunction and sensory challenges associated with autism can make complex grooming feel like an exhausting chore rather than laziness. You are already meeting the standards of hygiene by showering and dressing well intricate styling like French braiding or using dangerous heat tools is an optional hobby, not a requirement for adulthood or finding a partner.

Good luck.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You don’t need to be ashamed but you do need to learn the basics of hair care, aka washing it, conditioning it, and brushing it a minimum of twice daily. Not doing these things can lead to potential problems like matting, dandruff, and if you struggle to wash it regularly, lice.

[Asker]

I know I know! I’m just sick of my aunts and grandma nagging at me about all that and force me to sit and them doing my hair. One of my aunts said, “You can dress yourself to look nice but you can’t even look at yourself mirror to take care of hair? You would take the time to sit on your ass and play on your phone but you won’t take the time to learn about hair care? That is a shame! All this electronic, drawing crap doesn’t mean anything. That means nothing. You’re a young woman. You should know how to take care of your hair and be more clean. You have us, grandma and older cousins that can help you. Stop being so lazy! You should learn basic hygiene and independence. Being autistic shouldn’t stop you from doing that. Your mom should have been on that and quite frankly she didn’t do a good job at it. Some of your younger cousins take care of their hair better than you and they are 11-15 years old. You’re 27! You’re an adult now ACT LIKE IT! GET IT GOING!”
Way to shame me auntie. 😒
She really criticized me

[Asker]

Black people don’t get hair hair lice

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Race does not exclude you from infections or infestations.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Your autonomy is being infringed upon, I get why you’re upset as another autistic person who used to deal with the same thing. The reason I changed up that habit and started taking care of myself, body and hair, is because I STANK. It was a smell I couldn’t smell and it was unbearable to those around me. Your loved ones aren’t telling you that because they don’t want to hurt your already sensitive feelings, as much as it sucks to know that. Not to mention that kind of focused care is undeniably beneficial for you. Once you get into a habit, you won’t even think about it

[7Phoenix7]

Don’t feel bad for not knowing how to French braid. It’s easy for some people but not everyone. I struggle to French braid and corn roll and I’m also black lol.

Just learn the basics of healthy hair care and you will be fine.

[Asker]

I do wash my hair once in a while. I’m just sick of my family nagging at me like when was the last time I washed my hair or got a perm.

[Shy-boy53]

The grooming regimes of girls these days is crazy from what I’ve seen. I don’t envy you. Being a guy is so much easier there

[Asker]

You guys are so lucky. You’re right is women have it the worst

[Shy-boy53]

Seems to be a trend to use so many different products and things these days. Not just a shampoo and conditioner

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should feel ashamed. If you want to learn those things, learn them. If not, don't. I don't know how to french braid. I also don't know how to use a flat iron or curler.