How do I cope with my brother’s toxic ex turning my niece against me?

[Paradiseequeen]

It hurts so bad how im the bad person now. She keeps turning my niece against me. She doesn’t want my sister to even talk to me. The kids aren’t allowed around our family. He isn’t allowed to see the kids unless he can see her. He has to be with her to see the kids at all.

She treats me like total shit. A few days ago my brother put on a Ty Rex costume for my nephew birthday party. All the kids had fun but she didn’t appreciate anything. She had him nowhere in the pictures except for the costume. She wants no family members talking to me.

She takes all her frustrations out on me. She wants the world to completely dislike me. My niece graduation is coming up and it’s a problem.

[Purpleronnie]

Sadly I can only empathize with your predicament. Some very close to this has happened to me , which I won’t go into , as it still hurts 15 years later.


Being pushed out of a bond you didn’t break cuts deep , it’s toxic interference as I call it and so frustrating because you can never control or even have an effect on how your regarded , the water is basically poisoned.


I think the only chance you have is through your brother , assuming he gets to see his daughter and can consistently communicate that you love her and will always be there for her , etc etc.


Clearly neither of you can risk pushing back against the mother because that will only cause further conflict.


Your brother can only really keep speaking positive about you , keeping you real in her mind and re-enforcing that love and care , persistence may even cause your niece to want to see you , which unless the mother is a heartless bitch could make her see that she is using her child for conflict instead of being a decent parent and that you should be in her life as that’s good for both of you. My gut tells me she won’t do though , call me pessimistic , but I’ve been down this road with a woman scorned.


You’re in a deeply unfair position likely through no fault of your own , it hurts like f*** and there isn’t really a fix. Your brother really does hold a key though.

[Cyfris]

So I will say the same I say to parents in similar situations. There is not a damn thing you can do but cry about it in private. If you act like the bigger person and don't play the game in time most kids grow up and learn to think for themselves and see those things for what they are and they will in there own time find the way back to you as long you as always leave that door open to them. If you play the stupid games with her and try to prove your right or you deserve blah blah blah you will just win the same stupid prizes as her and the kid will think you are both just using them.

[Paradiseequeen]

Exactly! I’m definitely being the bigger person! She wants me to be the bad person in everyone eyes. She wants me to pay for everything my brother does! 13 years of a marriage filled with miserable and sadness! She is who she is

[Cyfris]

Yeah exactly. Just keep showing up when you can. ignore her and everything she does and has done and make your time about you and the kid. Kids know when they are being used as weapons and they who know who actually cares.. just give it time and don't let her get the better of you and make you lash out

[Paradiseequeen]

Thank you! He showed up and showed out for the kids at the party. I’m gonna make my next post about something about this with the photos and videos. You definitely gotta see him running in the costume lol

[Cyfris]

Its the short little t rex arms.. they get me every time.

[Unycorn]

Try to ignore it.

Actions speak louder than words.

Don't say anything bad against your brothers ex. Your niece will grow and one day she will see who is normal and you tries to manipulate. Let time work for you.

[midnightmoon05]

you have your own kids? focus on them?

You don't? make a few... then focus on your own kids.

let your brother deal with the drama he created.

if she wants you to be a part... say thank you... if not... don't butt in.

[Nikki1989]

Her behaviour toward you is likely a survival strategy, not a true reflection of how she feels. You can’t change her mother’s behaviour, but you can protect your wellbeing and keep the door open for your niece.

[jshm2]

Well... what good is she bringing exactly? Fuck the lot of them off. If they want to reach out to you, then be happy to. But stop reaching out and getting burned.

[Staximus]

Tell your brother to grow some balls and put her in her place. He needs to go to court

[Staximus]

He should tell his daughter that you're not the bad guy

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately I know someone exactly like that and it sucks there's not much you can do unfortunately. Sitting down trying to talk to her won't help unfortunately

[Bklynbadboy12]

Just show your niece that all that she says about you is a lie by being the best auntie ever

[Sugar100]

Babies will believe their mom and never choose their aunt over their mom though. So no matter how nice you try be she’ll never side with you and think you are fake , so that won’t work

[WhitneySnow]

Oh ok! Now I understand.