Are mothers generally the only ones who can love their children (literally) unconditionally?

[Anonymous]

There are exception to the rules but generally are we the only person that can give unconditional love towards our children?

From experience, I've always felt my mother had unconditional love towards me but not my father. Even if I were to betray her trust badly or steal her money, she would cry a lot, but still forgive and speak to me. If I do that with my father, I'll be given the cold shoulders or possibly get disowned. When I was 11 and he really thought I lied to him, he didn't want to speak to me for several days. His famous phrase (even as a kid) was always an ''I'm drooling over for you but on the straight line'' or ''Don't fail me, respect me''. It made me feel insecure to feel that his affection was base on my behavior, compliance and family loyalty; those are still conditions. If you put any condition (even loyalty and respect) then it's not unconditional. I never had that fear with my mother.

In return, I trust my mother more and feel the same unconditional love for her. In an extreme, hypothetical case where she were to murder my father, I would be mourning his death but still visit her, still speak to her. If my father did that, I would disown him immediately.

Even as an atheist, I can say 200% certain my love for my son whom I held for the first time ever at the late age of 38, is unconditionally. Even if he wasn't loyal towards me, failed me or even if he was the most hated person on earth, that's still my Sunshine, precious boy. I wouldn't approve of his wrong actions but still speak to him, still provide my love. Now I truly understand Ted Bundy's mother; poor woman. She still loved her kid till the end.

[InknKink]

Too a certain extent, I believe that's the role fathers play in the life of children.

A mother provides them with unconditional love, her brain having been wired for it during pregnancy, while the father provides guidance and tough love for their children to aspire towards.

You have a goal to aspire towards and a safety net to fall back on should you need it.

But let me just clarify, that fathers do have a responsibility to make their children safe and feel loved... but they're not mothers, nor should they try and be more like them.

I'm sorry you don't feel the same love towards your father as you do to your mother. Most of the father/daughter relationships I know differ from yours in that their fathers are their security blankets. It's the boys whom tend to get more of the tough love from their fathers.

[Asker]

That's a great, detailed explanation of the different types of parental love. My father fit the role of the traditional provider that would sometimes showered me with gifts but expected reciprocity, which was compliance and obedience. Sometimes the tough love (a couple times he used old-school threats such as saying ''talk back to me and I'll dance in your teeth'') he used was too harsh for a girl. I've always felt that's really how a man would talk to another man, not a girl. That's more like a father-son, tough love talk. It looks like he was clueless on how to raise a daughter, sometimes he would treat me carefully (if in a great mood) but other times talked to me like I was a son.

[Ariesman81]

The question being... Did Ted Bundy's mother's "unconditional love" lead Ted to do his evil actions?

[Danielle93]

Nope it didn't. He was born a psychopath and there is no cure for that.

[Ariesman81]

@Danielle93

Ok. Say that's true. It definitely enabled it.

[Asker]

Well my love doesn't mean agreeing with every decision my son makes when he's older. I can love him unconditionally but if he robs someone I'll still report him but still visit him.
It's still terrible to make a child feel that you won't love him anymore (after all disowning is withdraw love and affection; treat them as if they never existed) if they do things that disappoint you.

[Ariesman81]

True, disowning is the consequence of betrayal. It's a conscious decision to distance oneself from a person who has made poor choices. Now, whether your son new the consequence is another matter. Frankly, unconditional love conditions people that there are no consequences for bad behavior.

[Asker]

My mother has unconditional love towards me but I've never betrayed her and never would because that alone would make me feel so guilty and my conscious would kill me, even though she wouldn't disown me. I don't to get threatened with severe punishment (disownment) to know right from wrong. Empathy is actually there already even without punishment. If someone only behaves out of fear of punishment, that doesn't sound like a morally, good person.

[Asker]

**I don't need to

[Asker]

My mother's style is actually worked because in return, I have unconditional love for her too and trust her more. My father's method can backfire because what if the person can be talking about you or doing things behind your back but acting obedient in your presence?

[Ariesman81]

Ok, so she taught you how to be a mother.

Generally, if a person talks shit behind your back will show up as disrespect within the relationship.

[Asker]

Yeah that's more likely. I'll never be able to give strict, tough love to my son, the type of love mainly a father would provide because after all I'm not a man. I can only give maternal love to my son.

[Ariesman81]

Well, I think mother's can, but it requires a level of detachment that goes against most women's nature.

[Asker]

yeah personally I can't do it. It took a painful recovery process after my C-section just to bring him into this world, then the attachment of him latching on my breast, the unique bond, etc. I've been bonding with my son even before he was born.

[Ariesman81]

Yeah... wait til he throws keggers at your house.

[Nikki1989]

Generally speaking women are the only ones capable of true unconditional love. Men always expect something in return, and even then, for many men, their love has an expiration date.

[Asker]

Well towards my husband, being loyal towards our marital vows (not cheating) is still a condition but towards my son yeah it's true unconditional love. Many men will never understand that type of love. I already figured out that anytime you place even one condition such as loyalty and respect (even if it's a valid one) or else you stop providing them love that's already still conditional love. Anytime you would disown a child for betrayal that's still conditional.
I would never stop loving or talking to my son.

[Anonymous]

Only women are capable of true unconditional love , men learn it from a woman if they are lucky

[Asker]

Indeed. I've long figured out that if you even place loyalty as a condition for loving your child (your own blood), that's already not unconditional. To me, the word unconditional is exactly what it is, no condition towards my love no matter what, not even if my son plots against me and betrays me when he gets older. I would obviously cry, be upset, asked why but still be there, still speak to him, still love him.

[Asker]

That's the unique aspect of our love towards our children (maternal love); the warmth, profound bond, beyond limits that remains fixed through time regardless of their actions, flaws and mistakes.

[Summeroflove]

I mean marriage should be almost unconditional but then again if there’s cheating or abuse. Someone has to leave. So….. yeah

[Asker]

Though with children it's different. A loving mother would still love her child even if the child stole money from her. I've been hearing too many cases of fathers disowning their children but lesser of mothers doing that.

[Summeroflove]

Well some parents disown their kids. For extreme cases where their kid does something really bad like molest a child or something. I understand that.

But many mothers and fathers love their kids even when they do really bad stuff.

[Summeroflove]

But it does depend. Some people don’t love naturally and are without natural affection….. or narcissistic. And will disown their kids for things that are sometimes trivial

[Asker]

yeah everyone is differently. Personally I really have no conditions for my love towards my son. Just like Ted Bundy's mother last words towards him were that he'll always be her precious son, my son wil always be my Sunshine no matter what happens. I'm there for him till the very end. I love him too much that it's so different from any other type of love I've ever known.

[Asker]

In those extreme cases of my son growing up to do something that horrible, I imagine visiting him in prison and be like ''My Sunshine, what did you do, why, was I a good mother, did I fail you and if so where did I go wrong''? Then still love him.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah asker I could only imagine. Your kids going to always be your kid. Even if they’re doing something horrible I hope to never be put in that position

[Summeroflove]

Yeah Asker. I just pray I’m not in that position. Unfortunately, even if someone has great parents people choose who they become.

Some parents blame themselves but they’re adults. You can’t control someone beyond that point

[Hiker_011]

I love my son unconditionally. I spent way more time with him when he was young than my ex did, and we bonded.

[Asker]

I'm glad to hear your child feels secure with you. I think the only unconditional love that should exist is towards our children. The rest has conditions.

[Razp_Sorbet]

No, love is always conditional.

[Asker]

I have no condition towards my son.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Yeah im sure you dont right now , you can't fathom thinking of the things that would make you not love your own child.

As a childless person I can imagine not loving my child if they found joy in harming others. Id hope I felt the same way if that were to come to fruition

[Asker]

I used to think like you when I was childless but generally everything chances once you become a parent. If he found joy harming others, I would report it to the authorities and either get him placed in a mental health institute or prison. I'll still be visiting my son and making sure he gets the help in there, others being save from him.

[Tomislav7]

My mom hates me but not as bad as everyone else

[Asker]

I'm very sorry to hear that. That's an exception to the rule. Not everyone deserves to be parents.

[Tomislav7]

Agreed and im homo

[loveyouoak]

No. That's a ridiculous generalization.

[DirtyOldMan777]

as a father, the answer is no.

[In_Trance]

Nope