Should I tell my 6‑year‑old that the ‘family friend’ is her dad?

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old daughter is starting to question who her dad is and the thing is he's a lot closer then she thinks and I dont want to mess her head up and confuse her.

she's so beautiful and extremely intelligent for such a little girl even her dad says the same and so has her school.

Her dad is actually an amazing man and helps us out a lot but the thing is her half brother is also a distant cusion of hers who she's good friends with at school.

She knows her dad but doesn't know he's her dad. She just thinks he's a good friend of mine which he is its just complicated and we still love each other very much just nlt romantically anymore.

I've been friends with her dad since childhood and we used to play out together all the time. As a teenager he started dating my second cusion and she fell pregnant at 18 , the whole time my future baby dad was there for her and even got them there own place to raise the baby and worked multiple jobs to help her. The thing is and she'll amit this herself now she's older and wiser. She didn't want to be the typical house wife/ mum and instead would leave him at home with the baby whilst she went out drinking and partying. They eventually broke up but still remain good friends and he still supports her as well as myself.

How things happened between us was id managed to save up to get my own place and it was abit of a fixer upper. I needed someone who could help me with a lot of the kitchen and bathroom fitting and my grandma recommended him to me as he has his own business now.

We got talking a lot when he was helping out at my house and we relised we both really liked each other. Im not the type of girl who jumps into bed with anyone in fact I was a virgin before him. We fell madly in love with each other and then I found out I was pregnant after 7 months of being together. Things slowly burnt out between us and we relised we wanted different things from life.

He continues to support me and was there for me throughout my pregnancy.

Updates

3 mo

He takes both children to school as his son is 10 and we live close to each other. He said he didn't want to explain it to her yet as she's too little to understand but she keeps asking and I think the longer we dont tell her the more she'll find it hard to understand

Updates

3 mo

Im not being biases when I say she's extremely intelligent. She ain't stupid and is saying things like "I wish Matthew was my daddy", "mummy is Matthew my dad?" etc I can't not tell her the truth. He doesn't help himself either and I think its cruel to keep it from her

[SueShe]

If your daughter has a close connection to that "friend of the family" and she feels comfortable around him, then I think she is ready, even at age 6 to find out that he is her dad.

First, you have to make sure that your feelings for her dad are genuine and that you plan on being together for a while and not just part after a few weeks or months. If you are not serious about staying with him for a number of years, then it is best not to tell your daughter right now but let her grow up a little, perhaps 2-3 years.

I think that you and her dad need to work out a plan on how to bring the news to your daughter. Don't just blare it out but make it a progressive information flow. Children at that age are probably not ready to accept or understand the full spectrum this implies if being given such big news at once.

You can start by asking her how she feels about that man and if you think he is a good guy. Go progressively, day after day till she starts realizing that he could be someone that has a bigger meaning in her life than just a good friend of the family.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you for your kind worlds. I just dont want her thinking we come from a broken home because we dont. Her dad is amazing and we all get on and co parent and support each other its just a little unconventional.

Some part of me still very much loves her dad but I know he doesn't want that in his life again after what happened with my cusion but he's always been there to support us and never let me down.

We are not currently together and we dont really plan on getting back together. We are just friends now and he literally lives the next street down from me.

Another thing I haven't mentioned is his parents are getting very upset over the situation with him. It was his choice not to let her know from the beginning but he's her farther but his parents want my little girl in there lifes and often send her gifts and visit again she just thinks they are a nice elderly couple who come to visit but id love for her to be able to call them her grandparents.

He travels around a lot for work too so sometimes he could be spending a month in are hometown and 3 months on the other side of the country as to why he wants to keep his distance a little too so she doesn't question were he this all the time and why he's not around but I just think its pointless at this point and very unfair to her but we promised we'd respect each others decisions on the matter as long as he still showed up as a farther.

[SueShe]

That is a very difficult and challenging situation you are in.

She seems to like Matthew and it would be heartbreaking for her if her like would not be reciprocated or if the like for her by Matthew was just short lived and he did not want to have anything to do with her (or you) in the future.

This is a real challenge and honestly, you must discuss this topic with Matthew in depth.

Perhaps you can progressively inform your daughter about how close you are (or were) to her dad. It would break her heart if the things would not work out for her because at that age, she needs and wants a daddy figure she can look up to.

[jazzy34]

Just tell her. No need to overcomplicate it. The older she gets, the harder it’ll be. The best thing would be is to tell her now so that they can build a father/daughter relationship.

[BadApple69]

She is already asking if he is her dad then it’s an easy YES. It’ll be easier now than later. At 6 she is just looking for the male figure in her life and doesn’t want or need to know all the drama.

[Asker]

The thing is there is no drama between anyone of us. We are all cool with each other and friendly. Its just i dont want het thinking were from a broken home when we really aren't and I dont want other parents and children make assumptions and judgment apon her just because of the strange family tie between her and her brother.

Myself, my cusion and the farther have always reminded very mature and supportive with each other.

[Asker]

Remained*

[BadApple69]

When I said drama I simply mean the story to told here. Right now she just wants a father figure in her life and she would be happy for it to be the”family friend”.

[DryGermanGuy]

„We’re going to play a wonderful game called: Who is my daddy and what does he do?“
- Det. John Kimble, Kindergarten Cop

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

"I don't want to mess her up and confuse her"
Kind of already did. Didn't need to read beyond that.

[whosnumber_1]

Just tell her. I would have home there too