Should I remove people on Instagram if they suddenly stop talking to me?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes i have people that would start talking to me, then stop talking for like 2 years and then reach out again. Then they pull the same trick and continue to watch my stories anyway. I find this quite disrespectful since you have no way of knowing why they wanted to ice you out. For me i like to cleanse off my friend list so they don’t get to sneak peek and watch while ignoring my texts

[HollyK21]

If you feel the need to regularly chat with your entire friends list then sure, be that strict. But I don’t see how someone using a basic functionality of social media, which is liking and viewing content, as disrespectful if they aren’t always talking to you. I would understand it more if they were like leaving your messages on read all the time, or not viewing them entirely, ignoring your comments, things of that nature. But people get busy with life, and carrying on conversations with you or any other friends on a daily or frequent basis just may not be a priority for them. I don’t take personal offense to the reality of being an adult and living your life, plus I’ve got more important things to do than monitor who is or isn’t doing what on my friends list. But if that’s how you are then get to purging your Instagram I guess.

[Asker]

I know what you mean but as you mentioned there were one or two people who left me on read or didn’t open my messages. I was pretty sure they didn’t want to remain in contact and i didn’t really know why. Hence i remove them because i don’t like the idea of them seeing my posts. With facebook or snapchat i don’t care though 😛

[Asker]

I meant to say they had ignored me for more than 1-2 times so it was obvious they didn’t want to remain in contact.

Sure i have some friends who reply late or cut convo early but they don’t actually look like they are avoiding me if you know what i mean.

[HollyK21]

I can agree that people leaving your messages unopened or ignoring them isn’t cool, but why not just have a conversation with them about it? I’d sooner do that than to just delete them without a word, I find that a bit passive aggressive and avoidant in nature.

[Asker]

Yeah but that would be needy right? Unless it was someone you knew for several years and you think it is worth the effort.

Maybe it does look passive aggressive, i agree but then again they didn’t want to engage anyway so does it matter?

Also? Just curious, did you try to have those conversations for closure and how would it go?

[HollyK21]

I could be wrong obviously, but I’m getting the impression you don’t like being vulnerable, and that can be an issue when it comes to creating meaningful relationships, romantic and otherwise. I don’t think basic communication is needy, but you would likely feel otherwise if you’ve been invalidated in the past when it comes to communicating how your emotions. I’m not saying knock down all your walls for people, however I think that with any wall, there should at least be a gate, otherwise no one can get in. You do a lot of rationalizing when it comes to your decisions, like “I did this because this seemed like that”, a very assumptive driven way of thinking that isn’t quite fair because it doesn’t give the other person an opportunity to explain themselves, I know that ultimately despite what anyone says, actions do speak louder than words, but at least give people an opportunity to prove you wrong.

[Asker]

I see what you mean, i guess sometimes there could be several reasons for the lack of response other than them condescending you. I had some cases where these people circulate back to you so they may be going through something but then you can’t tell why they didn’t want you back then.

But also if they are not even opening the message how would you even “communicate” to them? Seems to me like they want you to get the hint

[HollyK21]

Sorry for the late response, I logged off for the evening lol. I can agree for sure that when someone isn’t opening your messages, then you can’t communicate to them and I agree that it does relay a certain level of disinterest in communicating with you. I’d just say that in situations where you can gain some clarity to things you have questions about, then there’s no harm in trying to receive it. My initial comments were framed around the idea that you are just deleting people on your friends list who you don’t talk to anymore, yet they watch your stories. I wasn’t seeing the problem with not regularly talking to usually over 100 people. But when you bring in factors like these are men, they’re leaving you on read, ignoring your messages, sending mixed signals, then it really changes my opinion.

With any relationship, I will always say that effort and interest should be a two way road, with both parties doing their part. Nobody wants to be the one doing everything or most of the work, they want their efforts reciprocated. I’d say clarity is equally important, especially when it comes to men and knowing where they stand when it comes to how they feel. If you feel like all the signs of disinterest are in place and they couldn’t be bothered then sure, delete them. However if there is ever an opportunity to ask certain questions and you feel interested in getting an explanation, then you don’t lose anything by asking.

[Asker]

No problem. If i put it under a title concerning men right away, i knew i would attract a lot of hate here ;)

There is a lot of men like that though. They make the first move and lose interest when you reciprocate. I don’t get the point, we are almost 30. I don’t like them hovering while my message remains in their inbox unread. One of them particularly whom would always check my stories first. Like i don’t want to talk but i will view your content anyway. That shit is toxic. I bet he will notice in a few months because he told me he checked my profile back then 😛

[HollyK21]

I hear you 100%, especially based off how you met, then I think certain expectations are in place that they aren’t living up to. Like if you met on a dating app, or on a night out, basically any instance where mutual interest was relayed and the intent of adding each other on IG was to get to know each other better, then that’s what you expect to happen through DM. Otherwise you aren’t interested in new friends or meaningless connections. I get all that for sure. However, do you feel any reservations about it morally?

[Asker]

Hmm sorry i don’t think i understand your question regarding reservations. Could u pls specify?

Actually i stay off dating apps strictly, you get all kinds of creeps there. I did add people who i met organically though.

We will do better 😛😂🤗☺️😜

[HollyK21]

By that I mean, do you feel like any aspect of unfriending them is giving you a moral dilemma? Like are you overthinking whether or not it was the right choice or feeling bad about doing so in any aspect? I ask because if you are or were feeling any of that, then maybe that means deleting them without a word isn’t the best choice of action. If you don’t care that’s totally fine and it’s exactly how I would feel. I don’t make decisions like that on a whim, it’s usually based off certain behaviors and ultimately a warranted decision.

I also made mention of “how” meeting these guys matters, even if not on a dating app or whatever, because then you have a better idea of what expectations came with friending each other. If these were just casual girlfriends or dudes you met back in high school or something, then I’d imagine the nature of your connection was fairly casual and I’d assume there were no romantic intentions. But if you met them in a way that suggests you should be getting to know each other better as to progress your connection, maybe there was some flirting or even straight up affirming you like each other, then that makes it even less cool for them to leave you hanging and confused.

[Asker]

Not a moral dilemma but i guess there is always the possibility they may re-visit you later. But if they are currently ignoring you then i feel that removing them shows you accept their decision. I feel that reaching out to them even to ask them why boosts their ego and they may even resort to removing you themselves.

by the way i had someone remove me like that several years ago and it made me see to that everybody is expendable. Your close circle will treat you better ofc but new people like to back out especially at the beginning because they think you don’t have the same expectations

[WhitneySnow]

Do you sext with them? That can often cause them to act that way. Another reason is they like you but get tired of you not liking them back, then return when they get desperate enough.

[Asker]

. One of them straight out told me they had frozen me out because of a girlfriend but then did the same thing again 😂 he was not a real friend so i removed him

Like you said though, Some guys do that if i denied a sexual request lol. That is why i consider removing them since their interest has already subsided

[WhitneySnow]

That’s a good idea! If they dump you because of a girlfriend, they’re not a real friend, and if they make sexual requests before you’re in a committed relationship they’re not really interested in you.

[Asker]

Yeah and i get the feeling he is not a good boyfriend either. He bitched to me about his exes and how they keep texting him after he breaks up with them. I was thinking that im boosting his ego by texting him no need for that remove and move on. I don’t like this condescending attitude towards women

[Asker]

But lol i think he will notice in a few months imagine 😂😂😂

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you!!!

[ZameerAnsari91]

I think they just get bored of same person, and try to find someone new, and when they get bored of them then they came back to you lol

[ZameerAnsari91]

can you add me on Instagram please lol

[ZameerAnsari91]

Won't you add me on Instagram

[Asker]

I’m very specific though can’t add you sorry

[ZameerAnsari91]

😭😭😭

[Master_Debator]

I mean if you want to... have fun doing it. Call them names and them block them so they can't respond.

[Asker]

Call them names? Nah. When you remove them they don’t even get notified maybe in a few months they will notice.

[Lesbologist]

In that case... call them names and don't block them... wait until they respond and then block them, just don't read the response.

[Asker]

@Lesbologist just saw this! But that is immature and looks like im thinking of them a lot. I unfollowed one of the guys he still follows me but i don’t think he wants to talk. He hasn’t opened my whatsapp like tf

[Anonymous]

Is your life that sad?

[Asker]

How would you know

[Anonymous]

You can’t make this decision on your own?

[Asker]

Nah i like to talk about it

[Iron_Man]

I know that can be upsetting