Why do abusive people expect automatic forgiveness and contact?

[Paradiseequeen]

Thanks to gag for helping me with all this drama! So my niece texted me last night. She feels that my brother ex wife is using her. She feels torn between two adults because someone doesn’t wanna let go. She feels used by her and would like detachment honestly. She told me that she wanna cut ties with the ex wife but she’s being nagged about social media statuses. She’s always being told to “comment or like this”. It’s constant nagging attention for confirmation. Any action to say that my brother is still connected to her. He let his ex wife back into the house since she has no place to stay. She even threatened suicide. Nevertheless it’s ugly now because she see my brother means business. He has a lawyer for sole custody of the youngest. She refuse to better herself or take care of their kids without solely depending upon my brother. She still treats me like crap. She takes photos of everything for confirmation and post them online. This entire series of drama started when my brother accepted his dream job. She always likes to outsmart people but fails. This girl treated our family like complete trash especially me. We were publicly humiliated by her. 13 years of knowing her feels so fake now. She doesn’t understand that her actions are unforgivable. She doesn’t understand it’s time to let go. My brother has a girlfriend as well. Now she’s taking photos and tagging people. She completely disrespected me. She completely humiliated me. She disrespected my brother on social media and took that out on me. she continuously disrespecting me while suddenly being nice to everyone else. she went over my sister house and took a picture of the youngest son with my other nephew captioned “cousins”.

[Taurus_Woman]

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with all of that, it sounds emotionally exhausting and very messy. In situations like this, abusive or manipulative behavior often comes with pressure for forgiveness or constant contact because they want to maintain control or emotional influence, even when boundaries are being set. But you’re not obligated to keep engaging if it’s harming you. Clear boundaries and distance are often the healthiest response.

[Paradiseequeen]

Thanks so much! You definitely made a striking point especially with striking contact. My niece feels she is being used by her. She blocked her on tiktok and that turned into a problem. It’s difficult to get away from someone who’s threatening suicide and who won’t do better for themselves. Our family is just letting her know that she outsmarted herself out of life honestly

[Paradiseequeen]

She actually had to unblock her. This weekend is her weekend with my brother. She went over and engaged with them as always. This turned into a TikTok video dispute. My niece didn’t wanna post the video so she posted the video on her instagram account. My niece never posted the video at all. She don’t want to! She feels trapped in the middle of their problems

[Agape93]

The faster you forgive, the faster they can get to abusing you again.

[Paradiseequeen]

And I think that’s where she got us messed up at. Maybe I’m too smart for her and can see through to her mess

[slatyb]

How old is the niece?

[Paradiseequeen]

She just turned 18. I guess she trying to avoid the drama

[Jen_oic]

It’s probably not true

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cause they are out of touch with reality

[In_Trance]

victim mentality