Should I tell my friend what her late grandad did to me as a child?

[Badtobad]

When I was 5, I was playing outside and I saw a bird laying there. I wanted to step on it, my dad's uncle rubbed towards me drunk and hit me on the neck. I went home crying and my dad stormed out and I don't know what he told him.

The uncle now passed away 2 years back and I still hold grudge. I hate him and I talk to his granddaughter who I am on good terms with. Should I tell her what her grandad did to me and that I hated him?

[Finchie40]

Hitting you over that is wrong consider the could of just pulled you away considering you were a child , so you have every right to feel hurt and upset that he did that to you , I am shocked by people on here saying you deserved to get hit? Nobody deserves to get hit period just because someone makes a mistake it doesn’t mean they deserve to be hit over it , especially has a child. I had an abusive delink father growing up that beat me and my brothers’ up over mistakes that we made as children and I resent my father to it til this day for laying his hands on us like he did , when I turned 16 years old I grew stronger and taller than my Dad , and when my Dad came at me to hit me again , I knocked him the fuck out , for defending myself because I was over his shit , that was the last time my father ever laid his fingers on me again and honestly I wish it never came down to that , beating someone up doesn’t solve anything , whoever thinks it does, , needs serious counseling and anger management classes. There are other alternatives to punish someone without hitting them period. Nowadays you can go to jail for laying your hands on someone whether you feel you were right or wrong for
Your actions , you will suffer the consequences of your actions , if the person you hit presses charges against your ass. I grabbed my exes wrists when she was attacking me to calm her down and guess who went to jail , and now has to take 24 mandated classes issued by the court? Me , and she gets to walk away like she is innocent because she had a little scratch on her wrist and now I am suffering the consequences of putting my hands on her period. Why putting your hands on anyone is stupid to do , so yes tell your friend what her grandad did to you and make it clear to them that what he did to you was wrong and out of line , and say if he did that shit today , he would be behind bars for his actions if your Dad chose to press charges on his ass , which your Dad should of did. Hitting anyone is wrong and why people think that’s ok to do? Needs serious counseling before they end up behind bars as well

[Badtobad]

Yeah he needed his ass kicked

[Finchie40]

He didn’t need his ass kicked but he definitely deserves consequences for his actions for sure , so hopefully your Dad said some shit to him to make it clear if he ever touches you again his ass is going down

[Finchie40]

Now he is dead so the only thing you can do now is go piss on his grave 😂

[Badtobad]

He did but to me it's not enough

[Finchie40]

You have every right to feel the way that you do about him , it’s your feelings and something you have to live with , hopefully one day you can put it behind you and realize there isn’t really much you can do about it , now that he is dead , just like my female child molester that i wish i had the courage to put a stop to when it was happening to me , but all I could do was move forward and accept it for what it was. And have to live the rest of my life with that inside myself. As a child we don’t know any better , our brains aren’t fully developed, but we absorb so much shit into our brains that we don’t realize what is always good or bad , why children are innocent human beings , we adapt to whatever we experience in our childhood lives. Why so many serial killers and murders and rapist are out there , because most of them were raised by mentally insane parents’ that neglected their children and punished their children for no reason , As much as murder and rape and violence is wrong , it’s sad as well that someone was raised in that environment or experienced those things while growing up. Which kind of makes me feel bad for some of those murders when you find out they had a shitty childhood then they meet other kids’ that don’t have that childhood and wonder how come they aren’t being treated that way , They don’t know any better. As children we have fragile brains that absorb so much shit so as a parent you can do everything you can to protect your children and guide them the right way but unfortunately it does t always mean that child is going to turn out sane and normal because the brain is a very powerful thing and if that brain gets fucked up in any way that child is pretty much doomed. I have met other people that experienced molestation as a child and sadly to say they are way worse than i could even imagine , thankfully it didn't effect me as much as it did to others’ and I am happy about that , because i know i could of been a lot worse.

[Finchie40]

A lot of my friends’ that know me personally are amazed that I am the way that I am , thinking why are you so positive when all this negative shit has happened to you , and I ask myself that question all the time to realize , I am just who I am , I am not going to hold all my negative experiences to mold me into who I am as a person , my past is my past and I choose not to dwell on it to much and continue to party for happiness and peace in my life. Life is too short to dwell on negativity all the time, is how I see things , even though there is so much negativity around us , only you can change that and not allow it to effect you as much as possible

[Finchie40]

Pray but party is good to lol

[Badtobad]

I would have kicked his ass myself if I could

[Finchie40]

Yes at that moment you would have every right to defend yourself

[Anonymous]

You should carefully weigh the purpose of telling your friend before doing so, as it may not bring the closure you seek and could damage a good friendship. Because her grandfather passed away two years ago, he cannot face accountability, and sharing this painful memory may force your friend into an uncomfortable position of defending a deceased relative or absorbing unearned guilt. What you experienced as a five-year-old child was scary and unfair. It makes complete sense that you still hold a grudge against a drunk adult who used physical violence against you. However, deciding whether to share this with his granddaughter requires balancing your need for healing with the reality of your current friendship.

Good luck

[Badtobad]

Thanks

[ohsheeT]

Well how good good of a friend is she and that was when you're 5 years old and so what all the sudden brought this up to make you feel this way because it does sound like you need to vent to somebody I don't know if she would be the right one until you get it all figured out but your friendship could end because she might not believe you but once again you know her a thousand times better than me so I think you have to do what's in your heart. And that if nothing can be done about it then I don't know what good it would do to bring it up to make her hurt as much as you do it's I guess you have to really think about what it would do to everybody else at the same time it's doing to you not everybody needs to go through the pain that you're going to I know that doesn't sound right but

[choco-latte]

What the hell? Your big trauma is that he didn’t let you step on a defenseless little bird on the ground? He did right. Americans are so sensitive. In most countries kids get punished like this for less serious offenses than what you described. Beating kids severely is wrong, a smack on the back of the head when the child is clearly in the wrong isn’t.

[Badtobad]

Maybe you need a smack too, don't you?

[Badtobad]

You seem to come from a ghetto

[choco-latte]

Who’s going to give it to me, you? I’d like to see you try. No, maybe that’s you. I was actually raised with manners.

[Badtobad]

Yeah by child and woman beaters

[choco-latte]

Nope, by decent and respectable people with morals

[whosnumber_1]

Not knowing the full extent of a lifetime of probable ups and downs with him. I would say that it's probably not worth getting into unless your friend has similar experiences. These childhood memories are difficult though and it's amazing how long they can impact our lives for.

[Badtobad]

She knows he beat her grandmother and mom but doesn't seem to hate him that much

[whosnumber_1]

Well I would say if it comes up in conversation about other abuse from him mentioning that you had similar experiences is perfectly justified

[BadApple69]

What good would that do?
It could only cause issues between you and your friend.

[Badtobad]

Because he was a bastard and if she sticks up for him, so ls she

[BadApple69]

You need to move forward with your life and not keep looking on the past.

[Staximus]

Your uncle grandpa whatever was right. You shouldn’t have wanted to or tried to step on that bird. Hopefully you learned to respect life and not be a psycho.

[Badtobad]

Says the psycho himself

[Badtobad]

You are a child beater too

[Anonsonly]

It isn't difficult to say "it will hurt the bird. Before you do that you must feel what it's like to be stepped on. Want to try?"

That would have taught the 5 year old many more lessons.

[Staximus]

I have never beat a child and don’t even have children. You should go see a psychologist, you sound like a psycho

[Badtobad]

You support child beaters, you child beater

[Staximus]

How many animals have you tortured?

[Anonsonly]

I don't think the asker even ever walks out of his city apartment to see any animals.

[Badtobad]

@Anonsonly I hate animals

[Badtobad]

Hope you get your ass beat, no excuse hitting a little kid

[Staximus]

How many animals have you tortured you mental invalid?

[Badtobad]

Mouth zipped

[Staximus]

Answer the question

[GAG23456]

Honestly if it gets brought up in conversation naturally then sure but not just out of the blue

[Badtobad]

Why not

[GAG23456]

Bringing up how you didn’t like a dead relative without them being the topic of discussion may not be the best way to stay close with that person

Also the bird did nothing to you I understand you where 5 but I cannot deny that is messed up a little

[Badtobad]

Yeah but children do messed up shit

[Badtobad]

What he did was far worse

[slatyb]

No, it seems like a really minor thing.

[Badtobad]

Assaulting kids is hardly minor

[Badtobad]

That speaks volumes about you

[slatyb]

I agree. Many parents do worse and call it discipline. I call it child abuse. But this was a single incident and the perpetrator is dead. What's the point of bringing it up to other people? Who does that help?

[Badtobad]

Myself maybe

[AngryCarl3]

No, you got off easy. Live with it.

[Badtobad]

Me? More like him. He would have gotten locked up

[mothefriendly]

No. There is no need for her to know that

[Badtobad]

Why?

[mothefriendly]

Because what does it achive

[Cidknee]

No! I wouldn't. Be bigger.