Was I wrong to vent to my friend about my abusive father and our fights?

[Badtobad]

If you read my questions, I am going through a very hard time with my dad, he is abusive and it has terrible impact on me.

I told my friend who is his cousins daughter everything, and how much I hate him. That we fight occasionally and I said it to everyone. She told me I shouldn't be talking bad about my dad because he's still my dad and my family situation is starting to take a toll on her and she has her own problems to deal with.

I told her that she, and everyone is on my dad's side and they are eager to back him up and they would die for him and she told me I am being a bitch for no reason and that I pissed her off.

[ohsheeT]

You going to hate everything that I say but that's okay

Go someplace quiet sit down make a list of everything your father's done in the last past month

Write down all the things that hurt you

The 100% honest right down all the things you hate about him

On another piece of paper wright down
All the things that you have done in the last past month

Write down all the things that you hate about yourself

From tone voice to yelling to screaming

Be honest with yourself 100%, write down everything that you have done that you have seen him do
Do not justify it just write it down

Write down all the things you hate about yourself

We either pick our family or we don't we either like them or we don't

The 100% honest with yourself are you any way like him whatsoever you have to be honest if you're not honest in any of this then all my words are waste of time

There's some things in life that we have to be by ourselves in a quiet place to work it out because it's changing our lives when it goes bad

Your family is like you're safe house you don't put down your family in front of anybody no matter how much you hate them just like them it's nobody's business not unless you know that you feel down deep that he's going to get out of control and hurt somebody and then you get a hold of the police no friends the police

Next time your father gets out of control do not say anything except for maybe time out look at him deep in his eyes think whatever you want to think do not let your eyes go away from him let him say what he wants to say do not say a word let him do what he's going to do do not say a word walk away let him keep talking and then sit down someplace so he has a free clear look at you and you and him do not take your eyes off of him and no matter what he is saying what he says do not say a word until he is finished I contact still and then just say you're out of control very calm very quiet let him say whatever he wants to say do not say another word no matter how bad you want to talk do not do it

No matter how bad you want to yell do not do it when he is finished stand up with eye contact still and almost to a whisper but let him hear the voice let him hear the words you're out of control and walk away walk outside leave not unless you live there if you live there go to your room do not say another word let him think about your four words you're out of control

The next time he starts his shit Give the same thing Hi to eye contact Not a word once again very quietly very calmly you're out of control listen to the rest of his ranting once again stand up you're out of control walk away go back into your room

If you want all this to stop it's up to you to stop it not by physical Force not by yelling and screaming but by making him see himself and not through you only four words

By acting like him by yelling by screaming by throwing a tantrum or whatever you want to call it you're pissed off understandable but you need to control yourself let him learn something from you if you're out of control he's going to be out of control just because he's out of control doesn't mean you have to be you take control of the situation forwards never stopped those four words I don't mean say it one sentence after another after another no I mean say it twice in the whole scenario once he starts and once you walk away you have to teach him you have to embarrass him in a roundabout way it will hit deep you don't really know but he's a man and that will hurt him when he can't control himself and you know it but he pushes your buttons to get you out of control to take all the focus off of him and now put it on you do not play the game

[Badtobad]

Nothing embarrasses him or works on him

[ohsheeT]

Well there is one thing that is.

And that is feeding into his bullshit because once you do that all the focus now is on you now it's your fault your problem you can't feed into his garbage you have to look at him with disgust and not say one word I guarantee you that will eat him up inside but you have to be able to control yourself 100% always the moment you can't he wins he knows down deep that he's wrong but the moment somebody butts in all that Focus is now on that person don't give him that satisfaction ever let him go to his grave knowing that he was wrong it will eat him up I'm telling you

[Badtobad]

I wish someone beat him

[ohsheeT]

Yah well I can understand that to but control yourself and he will do it to him self faster

[Coercion_Is_Trauma]

Being afraid of criticizing one's own parents is what makes oneself a tyrant.

Venring is only bad if it is used to suppress feelings, like some people expect to suddenly feel euphoric after venting... and they make it into a gossip addiction. But healthy venting is what trigfers yourself to grieve even more, and only after induced sorrow the trauma lifts. ㅤ

[Finchie40]

No you aren’t wrong to vent your frustrations , you just vented your frustrations to the wrong person , your cousin is clearly no help to you whatsoever , so just find someone else to vent your frustrations to , since your cousin is no help

[Badtobad]

I don't know why she got so pissed

[Finchie40]

If she loves your Dad than that’s probably why , cuz it’s her Uncle , so she probably looks at her Uncle as a great guy. When I use to tell my cousin that my Dad was an asshole , he would defend my Dad and say he is a great guy , He is a great guy to him because he doesn’t live with him , so that’s probably how your cousin looks at it as well

[Badtobad]

Exactly but he's not her uncle, her mom's cousin

[slatyb]

No, but she was the wrong person to talk to. Talk to a friend outside the family, or if possible see a professional counselor. in my opinion you need to leave this environment.

[LunarEclipse433]

Absolutely not. Everyone needs a good friend to vent to. And if someone vents about private matters to you, know they consider you a good friend

[eagle1951]

i'd say nol you were not wrong