Am I food-shaming my brother just by declining a second helping?

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to watch my weight as I'm slightly overweight and want to lose a few kilos.

My brother is a bit immature for his age. He's 35.

I had dinner with him the other night at his place. He had a second helping of soup and asked if I wanted more.

I said no and he started yelling at me that I was food shaming him cause he had a second helping.

All I did was say no and that I was full.

Immature right? How am I food shaming him by not wanting more food.

[HollyK21]

Based on what you wrote, of course it doesn’t sound like you’re in the wrong and it definitely gives an overreaction from him. However, him having such a massive reaction of yelling based off such a simple response, makes it feel like there may more to the story, whether you realize it or not. Since we only have your side, it’s hard to tell if he’s just overreacting vs if this is part of a bigger issue between you two.


If food or weight has been or is already a touchy subject, he might be self-conscious about his own eating, making you saying no feel like a sort of passive jab at his choices. Or, if you've been talking a lot about your diet lately, he might have just misread your refusal as a judgment on his second helping. I don’t know.

If this really came out of nowhere, he is probably just projecting his own insecurities onto you. But if there’s a history of tension around eating, competitiveness, comparisons or anything in these ranges, then that extra context is likely why a simple "no" came off like an attack to him.

[slatyb]

No, you are not. If he says that you are, then he's not a good host. He's insecure about his weight and is making it your problem. You might try telling you that it has nothing to do with him, but you are full.