Friendzoning a girl?

[Anonymous]

Guys, when you friendzone a girl - why do you want to still be friends with her?

When

1. You know she likes you; and

2. You know that it'll probably hurt her to have to be only your friend

I ask because myself and this guy I recently met have an obvious emotional connection, but quote "I can't be with you because.. (insert super stupid appearance related reason)" and this hurt me, but he seems to still want to maintain our friendship even though he knows I want more.

Boys are so confusing :(

[toulouse]

i stay friends with guys I don't want to be with because we are FRIENDS. m not friendzoning them, I just don't want to be more than friends. you are presupposing a guy is supposed to want to date you so if he doesn't you are in a zone. your not in a zine, he just doesn't want to date you.

if you don't want to be friends with him, then don't that's your responsibility not his.

what would be irritating is if someone who likes someone else, says they still want to be friends even tho they want more. and the person who is liked, decided on their own, that for the other persons best interest they should not be friends.

thats insulting and irritating because it is dismissing a persons conscious decision, as delusional.

but seriously, I you say you WANT TO be friends why shouldn't he be friends?

If he didn't want a relationship- why wouldn't HE want to be friends?

if yo don't wamt to be friends, then don't be friends, but I don't understand why you think he's responsible for your will.

[Asker]

I have to admit I'm slightly confused as to the actual advice your trying to impart here.

But from what I can gather: I didn't say I wanted to be friends, I rather asked why HE would want to, knowing that by doing so it would just emotionally hurt me. Also, I don't think he's responsible for my will, which is why I broke off the friendship - I just want to understand what was going through his head.

[toulouse]

i see. well I would think he wanted to be friends, because

A) he likes you as a person.

B) he didn't want to feel guilty.

C) he liked having the ego boost around.

D) he thought he might convince you to f*** him.

but really youd have to ask him.. plus, as I said it isn't good for him to decide you guys shouldn't be friends,because its bad for 'you'--- it should be your decision.. maybe he was trying to respect that.

[Asker]

Ohhhhh now I understand what you meant. Sorry, I thought you were saying that it should be up to him to decide whether or not we should be friends, but now I understand that you meant that it was appropriate for him to give me that option of still being his friend, if I so choose. Gotchya :)

And thanks, those were the types of reasons I was looking for...

[obligations]

Men don't tie emotions to situations which is why they get over stuff easily...so they don't understand your pain as well

[Asker]

Hmm, well he is well aware of my pain and feels bad for it and for the reason he friendzoned me (we talked about it and I could see his eyes watering up when he realized how upset I was) so I don't know if this is true in my case..?

Though I really do agree with you for the most part - a lot of guys are oblivious to the pain of women.

[obligations]

Men do know how a woman feels based on visual cues...but do they understand exactly how you feel...no.

[Asker]

So true

[greese]

I choose to be friends with a girl that like me, who I liked also, because I didn't trust her and lot of guys I know liked her to, so I felt that I would have less bros and more awkward friendships for dating a girl I felt would cheat on me. Also she ask me out when I knew she had a boyfriend, and she refused to tell me that. She now admits she has a boyfriend.

I tell her where friends, but I avoid most of the time because I don't want her to hurt me emotionally. She flirts a lot and I think she likes to tease guys.

[arashmenalagha]

Yes I do still maintain a friendship with them, they are friends, are you stupid?

Why would you not be friends with someone just because they're not interested in going balls deep with you?

Keep them, they might change, all the girls I were """"""""JUST FRIENDS""""""" with really like me a lot more because they know me.

[Asker]

Your comment made me of think of this double standard that exists in the whole 'friendzoning' debate - as it seems fairly common for it to be completely acceptable for guys who are friendzoned by girls to just drop that friendship and move on, while when a girl is friendzoned by a guy people judge her for not wanting/being able to still be his friend. Just cus its fine for a guy to move on because he know he's not going to be able to go 'balls deep' doesn't mean a girl shouldn't be able to also.

[arashmenalagha]

so you like to follow what society tells you to? make your own special way, it's better.

[Asker]

haha no, what I'm trying to say is that I am in actual fact going against societies norms and adopting the approach of "F him - if I can't have all of him, then why should he get a bit a me", as many men do to women, but which women rarely do to men after being friendzoned.

[Anonymous]

It could be that he likes just hanging out with you.

Ive got a friend who likes me but I've made it clear we will never get together. We share the same taste in music and jokes. Its her problem that she likes me, its only my problem when she couldn't deal with it which she can so all is good :)

I have broken off from girls who I liked and only wanted to be friends. I find it easier to brake off til the feelings go away.

[theydidntnameme]

women do this too. I suggest you ask your female friends why they do this to guys. the answers you get will most likely be the same for guys

[womensuck]

You have to learn how to forgive and forget. Don't hold a grudge on a guy, just because he rejected your feelings. The bible says love your enemies.

If you don't want to be his friend, after he turned you down, God won't bless you.