I feel embarrassed being the only single child?

Question

Both of my sisters have boyfriends and it embarrasses me that I am the only sibling without a boyfriend. My parents make comments on it all of the time and my sisters always invite their boyfriends over to family dinners. I feel like the 3rd wheel in my own family.

Does anyone else feel like this? How can I get over this feeling? I'm picky about who I date so I can't just get a boyfriend. I don't just date to date.

Ugliness · Accepted Answer

>Both of my sisters have boyfriends and it embarrasses me that I am the only sibling without a

> boyfriend.

They seem like shallow immature a$$holes.

> My parents make comments on it all of the time

Them too.

> my sisters always invite their boyfriends over to family dinners. I feel like the 3rd wheel in my

> own family.

I'm not really on speaking terms with most of my family. We just don't get along.

Guranteed we won't see each other for Christmas but oh well. Although I was engaged before my younger brother was, he is the favorite son - my parents lavish all the love and attention on him. It doesn't matter in our family if I'm the oldest or if I was the first to get engaged, the first to get married, if you're not the favourite, it seems that doesn't matter. You can get a boyfriend tomorrow and it's possible your family still won't care. Hey if I were to win an Oscar or find a cure for cancer or something my family would still write me off like I'm just "showing off" or something.

I'll never get accepted by them. Some families are like that. And I really don't know a way around it. I've had to disatance myself completely from the entier extended family. In fact I tried to contact two cousins on a friendly basis and they bad mouthed me for trying. My grandmother is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and while she still recognizes me she is the only relative to have anything to do with me so I made the special 100 mile train trip to see her. The rest? I realize relatives will never take me seriously. I stopped trying. You may have to face facts.

BUT I know that's not as easy if you still have to live with them. When I moved out from their house it was one of the best days of my life. It seems you can't change your family's attitudes - they'll always have excuses if you try. Sorry but that seems to be the sad reality. I wish I had a better answer.

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

Sometimes I do... I'm an old guy compared to you, though, so I have more room to feel awkward.

If you're "picky" then maybe you have to figure that in to the equation. I don't date just to date, either. However, I wouldn't say I'm particularly picky, I demand a decent quality woman... I try to hold myself to good morals and values, and I expect things out of myself AND the women I try to date. I have trouble finding single WOMEN around my age. So, feeling lonely around the holidays is usually not a problem.

I try to find other things to occupy my time and thoughts. Sometimes it's easier said than done.

My career is important to me. Could I give a girlfriend a huge amount of my time right now with what I'm trying to do with my life? I don't know. Would she be understanding or compassionate about what I do? Again, I can't say. I would hope so, but right now, I have to focus on other things. Perhaps that's what you need.

This is sometimes a difficult question to answer. Someone posted a similar question recently to her friends... "Are you the type of person that you ( or your imagined boyfriend/girlfriend) would want to date?" If not, perhaps you can work towards that.

Good luck.

windy-rose · Accepted Answer

Up util very recently...all my siblings have remain resolutely single...which is kinda odd being there's 4 of us. But ce la vie.

However, I know the chronic 3rd wheel syndrome from my friends. There was a suggestion at one point at my old apt to throw a roomie boyfriend party (4 girls + 1 fabulous gay boy)...and...yeah. Cue the sad violins for this girl's lack of a beau throwing off the whole idea.

I just went on being my happy cheery self. Deflected questions in regards to the lack of guy with things like "I'm so busy it wouldn't be fair to anyone" or "I'm graduating and moving across the country in a few months..soo...yeah" [truths at the time]

Its not like I was going to make a guy appear out of air for me, so I just worked with what I had: a sense of humor and other drives in life.

Which, I suspect will hold me out for a bit longer if need be...kinda coming up on the settling somewhere and getting a real job kinda soon...mrrrr.

RubyRedRox · Accepted Answer

Yeah I can get where you're coming from, I am single as well and I used to hate it, all my buddies and cousins had relationships and I had nothing. There was also a good while where I thought there was something wrong with me and so I deemed myself an undatable cat lady (at such a young age). But I did have a boyfriend once upon a time finally and I hated it, I rushed into it and it sucked pure cyanide!

Moral of the story is don't rush it, or it may blow. Also enjoy what you have right now, look at the positives like: no insecurities, no stress, no having to check in with anyone, no jealousy, and no other crazy emotions that come with dating; you are clear of conscience.

Be patient young Jedi for the one who is patient catches the bigger fish... er wookiee.

fabulous87 · Accepted Answer

There is nothing wrong with that...just enjoy being single. Besides, you're still young so you have a lot of time to find a guy...like everyone said don't rush into it, just  because your sisters have boyfriends you shouldn't feel embarrass it's good that you don't just go for "any" guy  because most girls are not like that nowadays. And about your parents making comments, just tell them that you are not rushing and you haven't found the right one, they'll leave you alone.

Red_Arrow · Answer

You are fine! You are not looking for a boyfriend just to be in the category of "having a boyfriend." You expect something special in the guy you call special, and that is the way it should be. You really need to date a guy before labeling him your boyfriend, so that you have had the chance to get to know him well. Maybe you do that but the way you wrote it - "I'm picky about who I date so I can't just get a boyfriend." - sounded like if you dated him he was your boyfriend.

Being picky means you have a much better chance of ending up with someone you really like who respects you. By ending up, I mean when you have a boyfriend, but it also applies to when you marry. We seem to have gotten to the point where most marriages end in divorce. If you are more selective to begin with, you will more likely have a happy relationship that endures.

Call it picky if you like, I would call it being more selective, and it shows you have a higher respect for yourself. Don't be embarrassed about that. It will improve your life chances in the long run.

Yeahhbro · Answer

well if it really bothers you, then you gotta see why you are single. You say you are picky...how picky you are I don't really know, if you have been single for a while, its probably because you are too picky. If you are looking for Mr perfection, I am sorry to say this, but you will be 30 and still single.

The reason why women for the most part is that are single is because theye xpect too much for men, he has to dress up up the right way, say the right things, be certain way, he has to look cerain way, he has to have these many friends, he needs to be a certain amount of popularity, he needs to have a looooot of stuff, for him to be with you...am I not right? With no imperfections.

Well guess what? Eveybody has defects, including you, so you shouldn't be so picky because you are just as impefect as any body else. You should look for somebody who respects you and treats you well...that's it! if you look at too many factors or you are too picky, you will never find the person that you want.

Just ask your sister's boyfriend´s I am sure they have a lot of defects, but they went through those things, to look at other mrore important factors, like for what I assume is they treat them well.

Harsh but true, you want a boyfriend? stop being so picky.

Dantemustdie · Answer

I am sorta feeling the same except with my friends more than my family, they are all getting into relationships now and don't have much time to hang out and do guy stuff anymore, and when they do they always have to bring their gfs and its really awkward when I'm like the only one there without a girlfriend, I am also picky with who I date too, I don't see the point in just doing it for the sake of it. I think the best way to deal with it is just suck it up, I know I have to and it helps to just accept you're the different one and move onwards in your quest for a good boyfriend. I sometimes think being single is better tbh, less bs and you can do whatever the hell you want whenever you want and don't have to answer to anyone

Phoenix1991 · Answer

Don't worry I am the same too, I like to date specific people. My brothers are very attractive and very flirty while I'm quite the exact opposite. I'm not shy or anything, Quite talkative and friendly, but they usually bring their girlfriends over and they are already treated like they are apart of the family.

While they are in their late 20's and I'm just 20 and they were the party boys while I was normal. So I kinda feel like the black sheep sometimes but I'm content with being different , just over time it gets to me a bit.

kennyk · Answer

I'm sorry you're drawing in all the immature "ooh date me lol" douchebags...

That said, I'm typically the oddball single guy amongst my friends and although they tease me, you just gotta get over it y'know? It's a bit sucky but you can't go around getting a boyfriend just to fit in. It just takes some people longer to meet than others, and you'll feel like a 3rd wheel in the meantime, and that's just how it is. It only has to bother you if you let it.

tohrment · Answer

Hmm. I'm the only single one between my sisters (yay for having less of a love life than my 16 year old sister) but it doesn't bother me at all. I've been single for ages. Sometimes my parents and other family comment on it, but it's nothing antagonistic. *shrugs* I don't really care. I'm single of my own volition, and will remain that way until I find someone that makes me want a relationship.

Livestrong58 · Answer

It comes and it goes. Theyll break up, theyll get in fights, you'll find someone, you'll break up. Happens in my family, my bro and sis are in just starting relationships (only one has a chance of lasting) and so I was the one without a counter part at the table at Thanksgiving, but for me, I like to do what makes me happy.  I've got things in my life that I enjoy, so I savor them and let whatever else happens, happen.

LunaMay · Answer

I kinda feel the same, except its four older brothers.  They always invite their girlfriends over. My family teases me every now and then about how I'm the only single person. The feeling comes and goes I guess.  I don't go on pity dates either or date just so I'm not the single person anymore.  I mean, I'm pretty particular about the guys I want to date, so yeah, no first boyfriend yet for me.   However, my brothers are all over protective, so I doubt I'll get a boyfriend any time soon -___-.

sOcrazychickxx · Answer

Omg I am the exact same way, but its not only with my family its with my friends and I'm like ugh! every time they have their boyfriends around. What I think is best is that to tell you family that maybe you are not ready, and hey I don't blame you for being picky because every girl wants that perfect guy whos cute funny and romantic so yeah, take your time because remember it is all up to you and no one else.

Jonny_ · Answer

Nothing wrong with that... Personally I do hate being single, it's not really a jealousy thing or embarassing (even though I get guys joking about how I'm ugly) I'm picky as well I date hoping it'd actually go somewhere good, I never quite know where or how far... Just hope. Call me a hopeless romantic :L How to get over the feeling? Acceptance... You have to deal with the fact you aren't like your sisters and that you have your own way of doing things.

Anonymous · Answer

i mean there is a difference between being picky and thinking that no one is good enough for you. if your picky, just wait till you find a guy who is good enough for you and go talk to him. if no one is good enough for you then you are a bitch and are always going to be unhappy

decentusername · Answer

i think you should think about all the positives about being single instead of focusing on the negative of not being in a relationship

at least you can do whatever you want, not feel tied down, go out with friends more, less stress etc etc etc

there really aren't that many good things about having a boyfriend

JSmuve · Answer

I know the feeling - I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend while all of my cousins and brother have gfs/bfs. Now my dad's been giving me subtle cues to go get myself a girlfriend. As if I don't have enough to do already, now I have to worry about that. I say just take it in stride and don't pass up on opportunities when they come around since you just never know.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm 16, but I've never been on a date or anything and my sister has had a boyfriend. I think my parents wonder if I'm even interested in guys at all. It's kind of frustrating because before dances and other events it seems like they find it strange that a boy isn't taking me.

micricjac · Answer

i wouldn't worry about I'm the same

yet my brothers younger than me and gay and has had more relationships than me

ive yet to find my girl but I d just enjoy life as much as possible

its good to be picky you know what you want :)

AmberChick · Answer

I don't really feel like that but it's probably a good thing since the guy you do find will probably be more serious and you can bypass some of that uncomfortable stuff that comes with casual dating

Pebyron · Answer

Do you wanna go get dinner and then maybe catch a movie after? :)

justjumpit4 · Answer

yeah, definitely. My little sister always has a boyfriend, aaaand, I won't date just anyone either. And I get basically told that I'm the loser at life for not having one.

Rashad · Answer

It's nothing that you should be embarrassed about. It's your family they have tease you sometimes, its what families do. Atleast you're not one of those girls that sleep around.

LightUp · Answer

Cmon your only 19 its not like your 35 or something ! You still have time to get a boyfriend.

shacodraco · Answer

naww there's nothing wrong with being picky.  its better than settling.

SR1916 · Answer

meet me, and I promise you won't be single anymore ;)

Marie0708 · Answer

OMG This is exactly me right now! Only my situation extends to my cousins as well, so family gatherings are EXTREMELY awkward!

I feel your pain girl, and when you find a solution to handling this be sure to let me know! :)

Anonymous · Answer

try being 42 male and still a virgin while your youngest 2 bothers are both married with kids

I feel embarrassed being the only single child?

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