I'm Fed Up With The Friend Zone

[Anonymous]

Every time, and I mean every time I like a girl I always end up in the friend zone so fast it just leaves me looking confused and stupid, and I'm sick of it sick of hearing that stupid line 'you are like a brother to me' bs. I'm fed up with always seeing the girl I might like in the arms of a sleazy guy who is just trying to get into their pants while I'm on the sidelines sick of being overlooked for the next guy or not even being considered it makes me wonder wth is wrong with me I know I'm not ugly even though I'm a little on the heavy side I am a good guy, a nice guy, I have a good job I have a car I am a dependable person I like to have fun and all that. so can somebody please tell me why the heck this always happens to me? I know in situations like this I'm supposed to be on the next one but if its just the same situation over and over again then what's the point?

[Kimin]

I know the situation realy, a friend of mine is kind a like you.

I think it's just that everyone likes the nice guy, no one loves the nice guy.

If they say you're like a brother to them it's most likely because you are. You probably are very nice for them with all good means but it results in 0 attraction.

If you want to get the next one instead of getting friendzoned, then put yourself on the first spot. Be Batman, not robin.

It's by the way a good start that you can get along well with girls, it gives you a good position to practice and experiment with attraction and attraction killers.

From what I know, attraction can be easely achieved with 3 keywords: Excitement, Mystery and Humor.

Excitement: Let the girl be excited about you and your presence, about what you're going to do, where you're going,... If you have an awesome story, don't just tell it, first say something like "Guess what happend to me last week while I was working at ...!" And actualy make her guess. After a bit of fun guessing and joking around you can tell the story and she will be listening a lot more than when you'd just tell it.

Mystery: Make yourself a mystery, don't let them know to much to fast about you. Let them discover who you are instead of just throwing it out there.

A simple example is NOT saying "I had a great time we should do it again sometime soon" after a date. this creates mystery AND excitement because she might know how you felt about the date but she'll be wondering a lot about it as you haven't confirmed how you felt about it. It makes her guess about your feelings and as she thinks and guesses about it, she's thinking of you. Double win.

Last but not least, Humor! Be yourself and everything will be alright, everyone is funny to the person that is right for them. And if things get to serious, think about the fact that we're all just talking monkeys on a giant biological spaceship :)

[That-Guy]

It's because you just start out with friend vibes rather than "hey date me" vibes.

With my circle of friends, the friend zone guy is just nice and not aggressive, they meet girls and fall for girls after 8 months, girls who he has already developed a "friendship" with.

They don't however, ask girls out in fear of rejection. So they sort of play it safe then when they ask out their friends, the girls think he's just desperate because she's available... they don't want that.

When you meet a girl and things are going well just ask her out. This is going to yield you to be rejected more but it'll also cut down the amount of "friend zone" dating.

[queenofpeen]

Look. No matter what other guys tell you about how girls aren't interested in a guy if he gets too close as a friend, or if he's too nice, or if he's not exciting enough, what it comes down to is we simply don't like you enough to date you.

I could use That-Guy's answer as a perfect example of the wrong way to look at things (sorry to call you out, That-Guy). I don't reject guys because they're friends with me and don't have enough "date me" vibes and don't flirt with me enough, I reject them because I simply don't want to date them.

Every single guy I've been in a serious relationship with has started out as a best friend first. I LOVE getting to know someone really well before I date them. On the other hand, many guy friends I've had are guys I will never be interested in. ALL it comes down to is compatibility. Can I see myself with them? Are they smart, funny, considerate? Do we have a lot in common?

Also, I'm certainly not going to date a guy who's bitter about being "just a friend" and thinks he has no shot because of that. Bad attitude.

[Kain6th]

Very nice

[That-Guy]

Well, in my opinion... the friendzone issue is simply a difference with "making female friends" vs "dating them." I know my female friends have been attracted to some of my shy friends but they eventually lose interest because the lack of effort of my male friends.

However, my male friends that do make it apparent that they more than a friendship either get rejected or they date and things start moving to something else.

[That-Guy]

Something else to add is it is much easier to get rejected in the beginning than it is to ask a friend to date as it makes things awkward.

It's great you've been able to be friends first with a guy and than date them, kudos to them for asking you out after the friendship but this takes time and usually... doesn't end up with two people mutually feeling the same.

[Spy-Girl]

The friend zone is not some default place girls put guys who didn't become a date fast enough. A friend is what we consider guys we like as a friend and not romantically. We probably never will. The only thing I can suggest is either reconsider the type of girls you're going after (are they in your league? are they showing you signs of liking you and flirting?), or consider your own behavior. Do you flirt and make a woman feel desired, and do you have your own life and interests, or are you just the nice guy who's always around?

Women under a certain age... we don't care about the job and the car, we care about how you make us feel.

[Kimin]

Don't believe in something as a league. It's superficial

[Eiffelgirl21]

Is that Jennifer Garner? I LOVE her show, Alias.

[Spy-Girl]

League doesn't just mean looks, it means simply if she feels she's settling with you... personality, intelligence, how interesting of a person you are, how you approach life.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

its because you wait too long to tell a girl you like her. if you befriend a girl then she will see you as a friend. after becoming friends and close with the guy, its almost like he's your brother so then if he were to flip things around and tell you he's interested, its like well I don't really see you that way

[Prof_Don]

"That-Guy" should get best answer by the way.

When it comes to girls you have interest in, make your interest known from the get-go, from the jump, from the initial interaction.

If you are fearful (yes, I said FEARFUL) of rejection, don't make your interest known initially, and "play it safe"...

...

...she'll see you as a friend, because frankly that's what you presented yourself as if you're make yourself known that you want MORE than friendship.

Gotta have balls to get women, dude. W/o them...you're a gal-pal with a penis to them.

[kheserthorpe]

Lose the damn wait.

Stop being friends first.

Maybe you're sending out asexual vibes, which is a problem.

Or maybe the problem is that the 'befriend a girl then make a move' lets you hit on, I don't know, 5 girls a year. That is not a good opportunity set. You simply need to find out much SOONER if she has any interest, because if not, you're wasting all your time on her.

You are investing WAY TOO MUCH emotionally in girls without having any clue if they are interested in you.

[Eiffelgirl21]

Guys who get friend zoned by my friends and I are usually hitting on us and talking or trying to talk to us when we have a boyfriend. Also, when they come on too fast. When they are extremely interested in us..It makes us friend zone you.

[Kain6th]

"When they are extremely interested in us"

Define 'extremely interested'

[Eiffelgirl21]

when they are constantly texting us, or replying right away. Or calling us and if we don't answer, calling again. Or, acting somewhat desperate and/or acting like they are 'falling' already, when it has only been a few days. It made me run. fast.

[Eiffelgirl21]

and, you can respond right away for the majority of times..but ALL the time, would make us think you have no life. Responding within 5-20minutes would be good. Until we are officiated.

[Kain6th]

Sounds like a game to me. So even if I didn't have anything to do I shouldn't respond to a girls call right away?

[Eiffelgirl21]

Not ALL the time. And, call it a game if you want. We don't intentionally get turned off. It is just NORMAL. If a girl did that to you, unless you were desperate, you would be turned OFF too. What runs through your head when a girl acts this way? I will tell you what runs through mine. What is wrong with him? Why is he already falling for me. That is normal. He has to be desperate. If he wasn't desperate then he would be taking things slow. Why is he SO into me? Wouldn't he need time?

[Eiffelgirl21]

I need to breathe..and he won't let me. Things like that. To me, it is a sign of being weak and desperate and I am sure I speak for 90% of the world.

[Eiffelgirl21]

And, it isn't intentional. People who treat us so great (when we aren't used to it) empower us..and think about the person empowering us..and we will not stop thinking about them until we find something wrong with them. And, then, later, we think about it and wonder why we ran..and then this comes to my mind.

[Prof_Don]

to the answerer:

SERIOUSLY?

You're the type that likes "players" and "unavailable" guys, don't you?

How many times have you made the "wrong choice in guy" and gotten your heart shattered because of your self-destructing philosophy?

[Eiffelgirl21]

LOL Why don't you take psychology class? Then, come back and say the same thing. Thanks. It is the SAME as YOU MEN rejecting women who come on as 'clingy' and such. But, I am not going to argue with you. All you men know it all.