Do girls and guys view a non-platonic friendship differently?

[Anonymous]

Recently spoke to some female friends about crushing on a friend you can't have, whather it be because they already have a partner or they do not feel the same.

What would you do in this situation? My female friends all agreed that they would rather keep a friend than lose friendship altogether. I (and some other guys) argued we would rather be nothing at all than know you can't have what you really want.

It got me thinking about friendship. Do woman value friendship more than guys? Many guys I know always say they don't need another friend when they are turned down. Do woman value friendship on a more emotional level? I'd do anything for my friends and have some serious bromances! But I am straight so never have to worry about any romantic interests with them?

It interests me how the females I spoke with regarded friendship as still being enough when your crush doesn't feel the same whereas for many guys it is not enough?

[Anonymous]

I always thought like most girls: iwe should be friends with a former crush because anyway it's stupid and bla and bla.. Then, it happened, crushed on a guy I could not have because he was already taken. And furthermore he was leaving to another town. So yeah, it really got me wondering abotu this whole being friends with a crush thing. I guess it really depends on whether or not you've put yourself out there or not. If the the oher person knows how I feel but doesn't feel the same, it would be the end of the friendship for me altogether. Not because I think the friendship is useless but because it hurts being around someone you have feelings for who doesn't return them. But if I'm the only one who knows then .. I guess I'd make a choice, if I like him way too much to be happy by just being his "friend" then I'd leave but if the friendship really is the bast thing I can get then why not.. Anyway it's a battle of will between the friendship, the attraction feelings, the hope/despair because you have high doubts about where it is going, and the strong desire to sill have some kind of relationship with the person.. But I guess to answer your question, it is this complicated for m at least because I value friendship on an emotional level while being aware that it will NEVER be enough when you have a crush on someone. All in all being friends with someone you have feelings for is never a good position to be in .

[blossom7409]

women do value friendship and work harder to keep relationship on a deeper level. most male relationships don't entail a lot of emotional bonding. if you notice men who went through something together or when their male friend is there for them in a tough time tend to get closer. But I would rather have a close friend than a boyfriend anyday. I hate when friend to lovers end in no friend or lover... I know it is a fact of life but I prefer to keep folks in mylife not remove them. life is too short folks are not expendable.

[Asker]

Yes I am very close with some guy friends. But then we never have to worry about it turning into something romantic. I guess I am interested why (and how) women are able to maintain a friendship with somebody they have romeantic feelings for yet cannot act on them?

[TheDigitalSaint]

Male friendships can be very, very strong. What we lack often in words, we are there when it counts. My boys have been there through thick and thin, good times and bad. Being friends with a female that you find attractive has inherent risks. It does not mean we can't be friends, but our truest friends will always be our boys. Being friends with an attractive girl is an intrinsic conflict of interest. It is just honest to admit it.

[blossom7409]

"women are able to maintain a friendship with somebody they have romeantic feelings for yet cannot act on them?" some women not all but for me its a level of maturity that I reached. I love you enough to let you be happy and enjoy spending time with you so I am good. It doesn't mean that if we were on the same page I wouldn't want to test out that romance but for the most part I can remain friends with a guy I am romantically interested in with out a problem. romance complicates things...

[TheDigitalSaint]

I am going to have to respectfully disagree. Your viewpoint sounds like someone who dislikes or at least has a very strong fear of intimacy. I'm sure you have your reasons. I don't doubt you value your friends, but they are no substitute for someone you really love.

[blossom7409]

that's cool to disagree your question was "It interests me how the females regarded friendship as still being enough when your crush doesn't feel the same ... ?" its not a very strong fear of intimacy its just acceptance of a situation you can't change. I can't hold on to someone who doesn't love me back or doesn't love me the same. love isn't just "having that person" its more. timing is everything, if I sat & dwelled on the one guy I can't have I would've missed the great guy who loves me now.

[mitzykitty1]

I've actually been incredibly successful in maintaining extremely meaningful relationships with men I've admitted having crushes to. It's extremely important I do, because they are the closest friends I've ever had, and to loose them as friends would be far more heartbreaking than realizing neither one of them shared my feelings.

[Anonymous]

Being a guy in the positions I've been in, it's hard to say. I would rather not have a friendship if I have feelings, but I'm mostly on the other side. Seems every few weeks there's a new girl trying to start something, some are just flirty some are stalker-ish. The latest came to me talking about how god told her I was hers and that she would marry me and blah. No matter how much I've told her I can only be friends and only want friends she continued, which would often lead me to consoling her out of depression. Usually the girl eventually drops it, but some don't. That's when I give the number to my wife and wash my hands of it.

But being on both sides it seems the one that the feelings are being bestowed upon believes in the friendship while the sender can't. I don't think it's a gender specific issue, I just notice that usually ladies are on the upside of the arrangements and it causes a general bias that sexes view relationships differently.

[TheDigitalSaint]

I prefer the all or nothing approach. I have very strong male friendships and would do anything for my male buddies. The female friends I have are either older, physically unattractive to me or already have boyfriends, but are otherwise interesting girls worth keeping around. I value my male friends strongly because I know they will never try to date me, nor will I have to wonder about them wanting more.

Attractive females are either my girlfriend or they are not. I don't torture myself wanting something I can't have. I still have the other females mentioned in the groups above, plus my male friends to fill that void. What the original question misses is that you can still have some female friendships, but the girls have to fit a specific category which makes undatable which is described above.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a guy so I can't say whether or not women have stronger friendships than men, but I do agree with your girl friends in your question...I would rather have the friends, too, knowing nothing would come of it than lose the friendship. I don't necessarily have strong, emotional friendships with all of my friends (I'm very close with my family so I feel I already have that type of friendship in them) but I do certainly value my friends. Whether or not I value it more than the average guy, I can't say.

[Anonymous]

I think they definitely view them differently. Women will strengthen their own sense of self by the amount of ties she has to other people.

Men are not like that, so yeah, I think most men would rather be nothing than be friends with a girl who shot them down.

[AmberChick]

Yeah, I wanted to actually stay friends with this guy who I dated but he didn't want to, or he was all weird about it. Like it was all or nothing, either we're f***ing or we're not talking at all.

[dudeman]

all or nothing because I respect my friends and future spouse so having a female friend I want to f*** is not OK to her me or my future spouse, id have to argue women value friendship less and relationships less but attention far more

[libidoboost]

guys usually see it as the closest hottie is good. girls look at it as finding the strongest guy in the room. something to keep in mind.

[Anonymous]

Guys don't give a sh*t about friendship, even though there are many benefits to having a good friend. Guys only care about getting their d*** wet, hence being pissed at females who aren't interested in sleeping with them.