Can there be platonic friendships between men and women?

[Caroline91]

Do you think a man and a woman can ever really have a close platonic friendship? Have you personally ever experienced that kind of friendship? Were there challenges to maintaining the friendship?

Updates

1 y

Okay. Thanks for the answers so far. I have had several platonic ones, too. But, lately, I get quite a few people, men in particular, telling me that it can't really happen. The reasoning seems to be a version of "You know, boys will be boys." What's up with that?

Updates

1 y

So far, it seems to have come down to men in their 30s who lack maturity will say "no" it isn't possible... annnd men are predators who can disguise themselves for months or even years until they can make a move on a woman they are "friends" with. I think there's merit to both ideas. Any other thoughts on the subject? If you haven't answered the question already, do YOU believe YOU could have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex and under what circumstances?

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Short answer, sure. The longer answer is more complicated.

Basically, men will lie to get close to someone they think is attractive but shows no real interest in dating them. Unfortunately this is the case in the majority of cases.

They could just be hoping for a drunken romp, or a bad breakup before trying to take advantage of the "friendship " and step up.

These guys can and will hover around this "friend " for months, even years. I would easily bet some of your platonic friends intentions weren't very platonic.

[Caroline91]

Thanks for your insight. I've kind of wondered if women are more likely to be able to have the friendship and not think it might become something else. What are your thoughts on that?

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Your correct. For the reason I outlined. Men do not have the same attraction or success level women do in dating overall so they have adapted.

There is a reason for all the posts, videos and tiktoks talking about the "friendzone". Men are natural hunters, just as predators do in the wild we can hide and camouflage very well including subconsciously until we get that opportunity.

[Caroline91]

Wow. And so, in your analogy, women are the grazing gazelles and it comes down to survival of the fittest on both sides...

[Caroline91]

@XXTruthfulOgrexx So, I guess you're disguised as a lovable ogre, huh? But, really, your comment is super thought provoking. Kinda feels like my brain is gonna explode contemplating that one!!

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Not close. I'm very up front. Casual dating only, not looking for a relationship, marriage or anything resembling it

[Caroline91]

Really appreciate when a man conducts himself in an up front, truthful way.

[Anonymous]

Easy way to find out. Offer your male friends sex. If they decline, they are real friends. If they take you up on the offer Block them.. I did this with my wife when we first started dating and 99% of her friends wanted to fuck her.

The answer to your question is yes, but its uncommon.

[Caroline91]

This really resonates with me.

[Opinion Owner]

Well thank you for mho

[Caroline91]

Thank you for writing it!

[Opinion Owner]

An example of a platonic male/female friendship fir me anyway, there is a woman I've been friends with since 2nd grade, at no point have I ever had interest in her, even when we were both single. If she had offered, I'd have been grossed out a bit, not because she's gross, on the contrary, she is still quite attractive.. Its because she's not only friend zoned, she's sister zoned.

She's happily married, her husband is a friend too, I was responsible for getting them together, they have three kids. My wife, my self, her family occasionally get together to hang out..

But the above is uncommon.. When I met my wife, I broke contact with all but two female friends. This is because only two were women I'd say no to if I were single..

[Nikki1989]

I answered this same question less than 5 minutes ago, but I will say it again. Yes they can, most of my friends are male and it has always been that way.

[Nikki1989]

And your update is 100% correct.

[Apple1996]

Yes definitely. It's only immature people that think it's impossible to be friends with the opposite gender

[Caroline91]

That's what I think, too, but I've been getting flack from several guys in their 30s, no less, saying no. The cool thing is my husband isn't one of them. We have 3 sets of friends: his, mine, and ours. All three sets are mixed and the way we stay ok with it is we practice total transparency. Thanks for your comment.

[Apple1996]

It really is always guys in their 30s saying this 😂

[Caroline91]

Thanks for your thoughts. It's good to hear the guys take on it, but I definitely want to hear from women, too.

[SomothErgai]

Gay men can perhaps be platonic friends with women. However, like I tell everybody, look at the rates of cheating across the board. Married unmarried, has kids doesn't have kids. Cheating is far far too common to ignore the obviousness of the situation.

Men want to fuck most women. Women want to fuck some men. Men who tell you they don't want to fuck you are lying, gay, find you repulsive, or have something wrong with their sex drive.

There is never a situation where a normal man finds you attractive and wouldn't stick his dick in you given half a chance. It's not "immature" to recognize and acknowledge reality. It's honest. It might not be pretty. You might not like it. But it's the truth.

Now here's a slightly different question that I think is actually way more important. Can men have friendships with women and refrain from acting on their desires to fuck them? Yeah. Sure. Happens all the time. Just don't make the mistake of thinking the guy isn't down to fuck at a moments notice.

[Caroline91]

Even if he is in a happy relationship with another woman?

[SomothErgai]

Yes. People seem to have this idea that since one person is making you happy you no longer have an interest in anything anyone else could offer. That's simply not true.

It's perfectly possible to be fully in love and happy with your partner and still feel the desire to experience life's pleasures with other people.

Here's an analogy. I love going outdoors and camping and hiking and jumping off waterfalls and cliff diving and all kinds of stuff like that. My absolute favorite place to do that is a place in West Virginia called Summerville lake. It's fucking awesome It's got everything you could want in an adventure and it's the best place I've ever been to.

But that has nothing to do with my desire to find other beautiful places to do those same kind of things. Every location has something beautiful to offer that I want to experience.

That does not in any way take away how much I still love my favorite place. It doesn't change how awesome I still think that place is. And it doesn't change my desire to keep going back there.

And the only reason I wouldn't go to other places to enjoy their beauty too is if there were some insane social taboo against finding fun in more than one place, and doing so meant I could never go back to my favorite place again.

[Chazmatazz269]

Absolutely. The people, mostly guys, who suggest it’s not possible are clearly incestous perverts. If it’s humanly impossible to look at someone of the opposite sex and not feel compelled to mate with them, then you wanna bang your mom. Just admit it and leave healthy, well adjusted people alone. Ell oh ell!
To be fair, men in western cultures aren’t taught to have standards and boundaries. We’re taught that we’re blessed if any woman likes us at all and that we should give her everything because we don’t deserve better. Once a man has a healthy ability to evaluate his needs and desires, and set meaningful boundaries, having platonic female friends comes quite easily and is more common than one might think.

[NathanDavis]

most of my best and close friends, happen to be women...

the longest being, and becoming 22 years of friendship this year while the other are also over a decade time

it was never any kind of issue or drama... I was very much a friend to these girls as I was the boyfriend to my girlfriend, and that was it... and my girlfriend has friends too, that are men

[Caroline91]

That's the way it is with my husband and me. We have 3 sets of friends... mine, his and ours. I think the reason it works for us is because we talked about it before we were married and decided, as a couple how it could work without breaking the marriage. And we have both stuck to our agreement

[NathanDavis]

so... honesty, trust and communication... that's about the best way to go about these things, and every other thing as well

[Caroline91]

Yeah, absolutely. My husband and I have a full transparency agreement. Each of us always knows when the other is spending time with an opposite sex friend and where. Also, our friendships, no matter whether they are with men or women do not interfere with out time together. We prioritize ourselves as a couple.

[CriticalCatDad123]

It seems a lot of people like to ask this question and I always have the same answer. No. Men and women should not be friends because someone always catches feelings and it makes the friendship awkward. Relationships form from friendships and when a woman has multiple single male friends that’s going to be a problem she for some reason can not comprehend

[CriticalCatDad123]

Which is why I do not have any female friends

[Caroline91]

@criticalcatdad123 Hmm. I'm thinking about this one...

[exitseven]

I had some female friends before I got married. My wife was very jealous and it caused a lot of problems in my marriage. Eventually I lost contact with these people who were an important part of my life. I know that one had been murdered and I am still haunted by it.

[OlderAndWiser]

This question is asked VERY often and the answer is always the same. Some people will say no, some people will say yes, and some people will say yes because they have had that experience.

[dustybiker2]

@sirderpsalot123 I've been faking my entire side of the friendship. I'm really a 20 year old psychic man.

[sirderpsalot123]

You're a fellow brick? 😱

[dustybiker2]

Yup.

[sirderpsalot123]

😩 I'm too tired for this shit lol

[sirderpsalot123]

Now I can hit you when you're being annoying

[dustybiker2]

Go sleep. Hit me tomorrow.

[dustybiker2]

Bet I can hit harder though. Be prepared.

[Caroline91]

psychic or psychotic? lol

[dustybiker2]

@Caroline91 This is tame. You should see our private chat platform conversations. 😈 And he made me this way. This is what years of friendship with this guy leads to. Sowing on someone else's penis and removing decades of your life with that machine from The princess bride (he hasn't seen this movie "too girly" so the reference will bother him and prob cause him to have a girly movie night which will make his girlfriend happy)

[sirderpsalot123]

What kind of psychic doesn't see all of this coming?

[sirderpsalot123]

And still not watching that movie lol

[dustybiker2]

I did.
Figured.

[Caroline91]

@sirderpsalot123 BIG lol

[Caroline91]

Actually, I really hate that movie! Maybe that's why? I mean, I'm a really girly-girl, so when a movie is too girly for me, but you like it... What does that say about YOU?

[dustybiker2]

@Caroline91 I'm cool with it. It's a damn fine movie. Sword fights, poisoning, giant, ROUS's, hero and princess. Even four white horses and a sunset in the end. Well-rounded story. 👍🏻👍🏻

[sirderpsalot123]

Dusty is a biker chick and that's pretty cool so she's forgiven lol

[dustybiker2]

•vroom vroom• What was that, buddy? 👂😎🤗

[Caroline91]

I know almost everybody I know, both men and women really like that movie and it's definitely a classic. I don't know why I have never liked it. The one scene I o like is the marriage scene.

[dustybiker2]

"Mawwage"? Hilarious.
Eh, it's not for everyone.

[KrisKris81]

If they grew up together, as little kids; or there is, legitimately, no attraction between them. Even then, there's no guarantee. Otherwise, unless you consider friends-with-benefits as platonic I don't think a legitimate friendship will work.

[KrisKris81]

Or some kind of trauma-bond

[Caroline91]

It's amazing the wild span of opinion on this one. Thanks for your input. I think your trauma-bond comment is especially interesting.

[legman528]

Sure. But I have also seen where they have evolved into something more.

[Billlewis]

I think it depends on whether, and to what extent the guy is attracted to the woman. If she's attracted to him or neither of them is enamored with the other, of course it's doable.

[FunkyMonkee]

Absolutely! I've had a number of female friends and best friends over the decades.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'm still friends with girls I used to fuck back in the `80's and haven't fucked since then.

[Simslover92]

Yeah if one or both parties are not attracted to the other.

[Caroline91]

@simslover92But can't that change?

[Simslover92]

Meaning can they eventually not be attracted to the other party? Perhaps.

[Caroline91]

The opposite... Can they eventually *be* attracted to the other party?

[Simslover92]

I doubt it. If it's not initially there then I doubt they would ever be attracted to them.

[Caroline91]

Ok. Thanks for the input. :)

[Simslover92]

You're welcome!

[legman528]

I believe they can. There are girls that I've been platonic friends with for years that feelings evolved over the years and suddenly, you have other feelings for them. Sometimes you just grow close to someone. It's not necessarily evil intent.

[Simslover92]

True. I mean for many people it's not the case but it can be for some certainly.

[Sunrising]

I'd like to think men and women can be just friends. Recently that has been the case for me, but generally probably not.

[Sunrising]

Do you think I'm doing something wrong, but I feel if we can't be friends we're better cutting all links do you agree?

[Sunrising]

I think men and women can be friends, it's society that breaks up friendships, like
neighbours gossiping etc.

[clampfan101]

I’ve had many of that kind of friendship. No challenges so far.

[clampfan101]

Update: “boys will be boys” suggest guys never grow up to become real men. Sadly it seems some guys refuse to grow up, but there are plenty of actual men.

[Caroline91]

Yeah, pretty discounting of a lot of good men out there. But there do seem to be a lot of jerks... so sorry... there are female *jerks* too!! Thanks for your thoughts.

[sheikalana]

I believe so as long as they're not attracted to each other.

[Account]

Yes, for sure. One of my oldest friends is a guy and it is and has always been platonic.

[spartan55]

If one is attracted to the other there is no chance.

[grega239]

Whats the point. I (thougth) had women who were just friends.

I haven't heard from them in years.

[Caroline91]

@grega239 Have they heard from you by chance?

[grega239]

Several times. The usual respone is "no time" or left on read

[Caroline91]

Yeah, that's a pretty big "what's the point?" It's also really rude on their parts. But if a woman worth having as a friend comes along, maybe don't count her out...

[grega239]

Meh. I dont really care. Im too old to worry about making friends

[Anonymous]

Of course. You just can't if you intent is to exploit thier friendship for your own personal gain/gratification. Some people that's all other people are to them. Somebody to be used.

[Jennz6]

I can do it but the guys always want to fuck me

[Hobbert]

This is exactly it. If given the chance, they would unless you're butt ugly.

I have platonic friends. Some I would have sex if given the chance, others, it's a no because I don't find them attractive but happily to be friends.

[mandyfire98]

Absolutely. I have platonic friends that are men.

[rebeliouse]

any that you haven't had sex wtih @mandyfire98

[mandyfire98]

Most of them lol.

[rebeliouse]

why would u just want to be platonic friends?

[rebeliouse]

suppose you could be platonic with the ugly best mate of the girl you want to bed lol

[slatyb]

Yes, there can be, even if both are single.

[Caroline91]

What if one or both are married?

[slatyb]

Definitely.

[sirderpsalot123]

I have a few female friends

[dustybiker2]

One less

[sirderpsalot123]

Dork lol

[dustybiker2]

Proud dork 😎

[LavLavLuv]

Of course

[Rangers]

No, there can't. Unless the guy is gay

[laly520]

definitely

[AngryCarl]

Yes, unfortunately. lol

[DrPepper12]

Yes.

[Tstrbrainer]

Not really for me