Why do some people say that men and women cannot be platonic friends?

Question

I have a couple of platonic male friends as well as all the girls I know and all the guys I know including my brothers have platonic female friends so I find it weird when people say that men and women can’t be platonic friends.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Let's start with some definitions, so we all understand what we're talking about here.

When people say this, they're generally referring to people who are STRAIGHT (i. e., attracted to the opposite sex) and who are SINGLE (available) - it's a different dynamic when someone is already in a happy, healthy committed relationship. And finally, it assumes that they aren't asexual.

Also, "friends" doesn't mean "acquaintance" or "colleagues" - "friends" implies that you hang out with each other, alone together, by choice, on an on-going basis.

With that out of the way, let's get right to the point: the vast majority of single, straight men CANNOT be PLATONIC with a woman he likes enough to be friends with. I'm aware that most women CAN be platonic with men, even men they like enough to be friends with - but MEN ARE DIFFERENT. If a man is single, and he has a female "friend", he secretly, or not so secretly, is her "friend" for one of two reasons:

He has romantic feelings for her, and hopes to date her.
He doesn't have romantic feelings, but he's physically attracted to her and wants to have sex with her.

Girls LOVE to deny that this is true, but they are either incredibly naïve, or they are living in denial. How do I know this is true? Well, I'm a guy, and I've talked to hundreds of other guys over the years, and most guys admit this is true. But here's another way: there are a couple of relationship podcasts where they bring people on to talk about relationship issues, and every time this comes up, and a woman asserts that she has a close male friends who she is SURE has no sexual interest in her, they ask her to call him on speakerphone, right there, on camera, and for her to tell him that she's lonely and horny and would he be interested in coming over? Between both of these podcasts, with more than 150 of these calls between the two shows, 100% of these "uninterested guy friends" jumped at the chance to have sex with his "good friend."

THIS IS NOT WHAT "PLATONIC" FRIENDS DO. And it proves that these guys were never platonic - they just pretended to be, because they were just biding their time, waiting for an opportunity. Maybe she's lonely, maybe her boyfriend breaks up with her, or hoping that one day she just wakes up and sees what a good guy he is and stops seeing him as "just a friend." (This last one almost never happens.)

Again, we know most women CAN be platonic, but most men CANNOT. It's not how men work. And so the ONLY thing keeping these "just friends" relationships from being sexual is the woman's lack of interest in it being sexual - and that is NOT a real friendship.

Virtually all men know this, but the majority of women are either naïve or delusional.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/T_lh5fR4DMA https://www.youtube.com/embed/LjFWLVPfoHQ https://www.youtube.com/embed/RBj8UVR9CdM

Are there RARE exceptions? Sure. People also win Lotto jackpots - but the odds are certainly not in your favor.

RebelinSteel · Accepted Answer

Of course they can, there are some on both sides that are not social mature enough to separate friendship from sexual desire and being basically something a friend is not, those types invariably only have same sex friends and are poorly equipped to socialise with the opposite sex. I was at Archery last night, 3 girls also there as well, we went to the pub afterwards, we chatted and had a laugh. At no point in the 5 years I’ve known them have I hit on them. Does it happen with guys and girls being friends and then lovers yes, however equally they can just be friends.

Finchie40 · Answer

They can be , if there is no attraction to each other what so ever . Most people say this, when they are already in a committed relationship with someone. When you get into a committed relationship , it’s best to distance yourself from opposite sex friends out of respect for your relationship with your partner , Your partner should be your top priority over your friends when you choose to commit to someone , sadly so called friends can bring drama and unwanted fire into your relationship without you realizing it , if a friend talks bad about your partner or tries to influence you to do things that your partner would be upset about , you are best to end that friendship with them and focus on your relationship with your partner , because that so called friend is not your friend. They are a toxic friend, toxic friends don’t respect the boundaries of your relationship. If your partner doesn’t like one of your friends , you are best to talk to your partner and find out why they don’t like them , don’t just assume your partner is just jealous of your friend , if your partner tells you why they don’t like them or trust them , you are best to side with your partner over your friendship. Most people make this mistake when they get into relationships and then they wonder why they keep failing in relationships, Your partner needs to be your top priority , if they aren’t , do not get into a relationship with anyone period

WintersDaughter · Answer

Most of the male friends I have have confessed that they all, at one point in time, had a massive crush on me. This led to us spending less time together when I would get into a relationship or because it was hard to be around me knowing I didn't share their feelings.

After 7 years, I maybe remained friends with one or two of these men and we're only acquaintances and see each other a few times a year.

At the same time, I've become good friends with my best friends boyfriend because we all hang out together (there's no risk for feelings).

Do I think men and women can be platonic friends? Sometimes. Not often.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Can you show me a legitimate example of a guy asking this exact same question?

This only works if both guy and girl don’t have any attraction to each other. The acid test is if you feel jealous when your opposite sex friend is dating and/or hooking up with someone else.

But again please provide a genuine example of a verified male asking this same question? It’s exceedingly rare. Reason being is quite simple: women gain a lot more in a “platonic” friendship then vice versa.

That’s not say men and women can’t be friendly. But actually legitimate “friends” is different. Also men have a much deeper definition of the word “friendship”. We won’t call anybody we just had a pleasant conversation with a “friend” right away. We have a deeper sense or loyalty. And you will never be a man’s equivalent to a true male buddy.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

The common interest is what I question. If he's just hanging around to listen to your stupid problems for attention on your part and he's just looking for a opening to smash... you expect me to believe this beyond some sexual/attention thing?

Why you think I'm stupid? When I ignore the situation you'll end up fucking him... Don't ignore it and he's a major issue... why is that?

You need to be real with yourself about what it really is... it's orbitors that want to fuck and you have them orbiting. Back up plans? Looks like it.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

because not everyone can create a friendship bond without intimacy with people of the opposite gender...

Anonymous · Answer

Because those people are really not in "loving" relationships with the opposite gender. Thier relationships are transactional and they feel like the interaction between the two require roles to be played.

Both genders do have traditional gender roles. But people are not robots and they do think independents thoughts. This is what makes relationships so hard. So an exclusive, loving relationship with one person will be different from an exclusive, loving relationship with another.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

Because of a bunch of reasons, mainly it has to do with the belief that men can’t see women without some kind of sexual light attached (specifically hetero men with hetero women), and therefore every man is just faking it to get close to her in the hopes of eventually fucking. This obviously does not apply to queer people, or really anyone who has a basic understanding of human empathy and has an ability to act on it.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I think it depends what type of threshold you have. I only like guys that don't hit on me around 1% of the time so i's very easy for me to talk to a guy without being attracted to him. Some guys find all their female friends attractive to some extent so cannot be alone with them if they have a girlfriend or wife.

mandyfire98 · Answer

Men and women absolutely can be platonic friends. I have friends that are men.

Rangers · Answer

Ask a girl if she has guy friends, when she says "yes", ask if they like her, they'll also say "yes"

See the problem? A guy can't be just friends with a girl, he likes her, but she doesn't feel the same way. Men and women have totally different interests, those differences are not negative in a relationship, they complete eachother.

But friends need to have things in common, as their connection isn't romantic

SolitarySolace · Answer

Someone always catches feelings and makes things complicated. Afraid to ruin the friendship because of feelings caught. In my case False accusations caused me to stop having platonic female friends. Jealousy plays a role too. It’s just too much at least for me.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Probably because they make lousy friends anyway. Almost all my friends are male, and it has always been that way. My best friend is the same.

David94358 · Answer

It's not that you can't but there is always the underlying potential of him wanting to have sex with you.

If you called up you guy friends and told them that you wanted to have sex with them.. you honestly think they would all say no?

katiesmuff · Answer

I've got platonic male friends where we have been in places together where everyone was in the buff and it's never changed our platonic relationships. It's not that hard.

laly520 · Answer

not everyone is capable of maintaining a friendship bond without breaking it or turning it into something else so yea those can't believe in platonic friendship between men n women

serious · Answer

Men and women can be platonic friends. It is just a matter of having strict boundaries and not crossing them.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Oh, we can! But don’t pretend that there’s no attraction. You cannot overcome biology. The cock wants what the cock wants. In the infinite universe of possibilities, if the stars align, it’s going to go in…

Nahid1707 · Answer

That’s good I’m glad you do Honestly i think it can be from a bad experience they had  i would appreciate a good Lady friend. Someone honest and helpful with everything. Give her perspective

spartan55 · Answer

And they would all have sex with you in a split second.

Kelly6 · Answer

@antheadragoon96  single male can not be platonic friend with single female, but he can be platonic friend to married female. same goes other way

RavVid · Answer

Yeah you can be... if you don't want to fuck'em

genericname85 · Answer

because they forget that "not being attracted to every person of the other gender on the planet" is a thing.

Anonymous · Answer

Watch this short video. You're exactly like every girl that was interviewed.

Harshbro · Answer

Because “platonic straight friends” would be more than friends given the chance. They’re called orbiters, desperately waiting for u to offer them romance. Typically unattractive women/men are friends.

Deserter2 · Answer

You can if neither are attracted to eachother. But in reality this is rarely the case. As an experiment ask your guy friends if they're down to fuck. Chances are most of them are and are waiting for the opportunity to present itself.

JacobJordan · Answer

Hahaha unless those dudes are gay they are not platonic friends

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Because chances are one or the other is attracted to the other

OtterMan68 · Answer

they are immature and because they can't do it, they think no one can

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Because they assume the man is going to desire sex from his female friend which in most cases is true if he finds her physically attractive.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

It’s not impossible, but it’s certainly very complicated. If a man has remote interest in being friends with a female person, there’s almost always some level of attraction.

Nifrayu · Answer

My guess they don't know how to make friends.

VV3ZZY123 · Answer

I think it's just easier to be friends with someone you can relate to.

DextroShade · Answer

These guys are simps and would fuck if given the chance.

jahaims · Answer

Because most people are mature enough to handle that dynamic

In_Trance · Answer

Because sooner or later one of them or both of them have thoughts

dolemite58 · Answer

They can if the guy doesn’t find the girl attractive

Quigly · Answer

I prefer it, it's a far less compliated relationship.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

ITS DEFINITELY NOT POSSIBLE... I WON'T EVEN CONSIDER IT

Friendlybro79 · Answer

They can it's just not always common.

NathanDavis · Answer

the frog in the well...

coachTanthony · Answer

They can if one is fat and ugly.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

Potential tension lol 😆😅

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Because they're stupid.

Alexandra____ · Answer

You both gonna smash one day lol

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