Why do some people change after marriage?

[Anonymous]

It is seen that, sometimes in some cases, the couple was really healthy before marriage, but then, after the marriage, the relationship becomes imbalanced by one (or both) of the members becoming the dominant (more than frequent clashes or no clashes at all) in the relationship, and sometimes, even turning into a toxic partner.

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1. How does this happen?

2. What changes after the marriage that was not there before or, did not pose any threat for future?

To be honest, I have seen this behavior in males more than in females, at least in India. But the proportion of this change in females is you can say, in 'direct competition' with those of males.

I cannot say that only guys are the ones in this, as the crimes against women are the ones that get highlighted and attention by people more.

There is also the point of being a 'man'. The ridicule is sometimes what make the guys to not open up to the problem. Whereas, on the other hand, women can freely express their feelings, their problems, in public, anywhere, without anything to worry about the things guys need to.

[menina]

Being married is different from dating. There's more pressure when you're married versus when you're dating.

Also to some people getting married is just a goal, when it really happens it has no meaning then. So once that they reached their goal they don't see the point of working hard to maintain their marriage happy and healthy.

Another thing, you hear more about crimes against women because they happen more frequently. Of course that there are cases of men who were killed by women, but there's definitely more violence committed against women. Violence based solely on gender (whatever gender we're talking about) is unacceptable. But unfortunately domestic violence affects more women than men in the world.

Plus women are allowed to express their feelings and emotions more freely because society sees us as fragile. While men are told from a very young age that "boys don't cry". This is f****d up! Crying is a human reaction, it has nothing to do with gender or age, so men should have the right of crying too.

This is one of things that are wrong in our world but nobody cares to change it.

[OlderAndWiser]

Some people see marriage as the goal, the top of the mountain, and they stop trying once they get there. And some people do things to convince their partner to get married and then they stop doing whatever they did to attract the partner (like a girl with a low sex drive has frequent sex until she gets married, then she slows down drastically.)

[Asker]

Why do people employ such methods to get married? There are plenty people out there, they can find someone who prefers to what they are.
Actually, what are the chances of people finding such people?

[OlderAndWiser]

A girl meets a guy and decides that he's an attractive potential spouse and she never stops to think about long term compatibility.

[Asker]

It seems the girl is taking more than one wrong steps here.
First, it is her decision to decide abruptly.
Second, not waiting for more time to actually decide and contemplate on her decision.
Third, not calming down and thinking about the guy objectively.

But why do people pretend to be someone else just to get married?

[OlderAndWiser]

They are obsessed with gting married and they develop tunnel-vision.

[Asker]

They can only see what they want and nothing else around it. Whether it be good things or bad things. Am I correct?

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, that is what tunnel vision is.

[Andres77]

This should give you some good insight into human nature

[Andres77]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3POqniIMlQU

[Andres77]

Plus, premarital counseling helps identify areas that couples might never have discussed and helps them identify issues they might have completely opposing stances

[Asker]

But would it not be abnormal for the couple to visit a counsellor even before the marriage? How many people have you seen going to a counsellor?

Logically I think it is a very good idea, but just like prenuptial agreement, this may also be a bit awkward kind of situation and thing.

[Andres77]

Premarital counseling is rare here. One of the reasons why we have so many divorces

[Jamie05rhs]

Because their true colors come out. They don't have to fake anymore.

[Avicenna]

Situations change people too