Boyfriend never wants to do anything with my family, but expects me to do for his...

[Anonymous]

Ive been with boyfriend for almost two years. He has met my brother, father and mother once. He wants to always be with his family, but never mine. When I mention mine he says...well you have a car go, or why don't you just go I'm not stopping you. So now that his family is in town for 9 days he expects me to sit and talk with them all the time I'm not at work. Yesterday they went to home inspection with him, then we went to where they're staying and had dinner plans but they cancelled them. So they wanted to stay home all nite. I left after awhile to go see my niece in hospital. I told boyfriend call when he's ready for ride.home. We got in argument cause he said I ditched him, its not going to cut it me only seeing them a little bit each day, looks bad at me etc. I told him I'm not out to impress and if they don't like me too bad. Its been two years and he has saw my kids on holidays, met my parents and brother once. He makes no effort to my family, why should I his?

[rabster]

Are you 100% sure this is the right guy is for you?

This isn't just about him wanting to spend time with his own family and not yours but it's about mutual respect. For example, the vast majority of us prefer to be with our own family and not a partners, we feel more comfortable around them, etc but it's incredibly important that you make an effort especially when it's a long term relationship.

In time those people could become your family too, you get married and they're part of the package as do other siblings, extended family too so you have to go out of your way to keep everyone happy.

The fact your boyfriend is unwilling to do this is not only selfish and immature, it's also worrying because it could indicate he doesn't see a long term future for you together.

When your in a relationship you have to expect that your partner will (at times) put his own family before yours BUT he should put YOU before everyone, you are the number one in his life (until a time where you have children) and he should show that when he deals with them. it's his job to make it clear to his family that he respects you and puts you first.

This guy isn't a child, he isn't a teen growing up and so he's at an age where he probably will never change, it might happen but it's unlikely because he is arguing that he's right and your in the wrong. And so you have the choice of accepting this is the way it is or you walk away.

[Asker]

You are correct. However, when he saw my family as little as he did in two years...he saw my kids maybe 6 or 7 times in two years? How does that justify me always having to cater to his family?

[Moloch]

Hmm. Sounds like he doesn't really dig your parents. Have you mentioned your feelings about this? Many girls keep their mouth shut and expect the dude to know what's going on. Tell him you're not just gonna go with him everywhere to see his family, when he won't do the same for you.

[Asker]

Ive told him that and he says "well that looks bad at you. I won't have it, its wrong."

[Moloch]

Then just do your own thing, you don't have to go if you don't want to.

[Asker]

That's not the point. He NEVER wants to see my family, but I am expected to go see his. I DO go see his family.

[Moloch]

If he doesn't want to see YOUR family, then don't go to his. If he asks you what's up or why, tell him why. He'll soon see that a relationship is based on sharing, not monopolizing.

[papercut2]

A girls mentality is very tricky but, have you ever asked him to spend more time with your family?

[Asker]

SEVERAL time and all I hear is "well you are always at my house." So I suggested I start staying home then and when he feels the need he can drive 30 minutes to see me. He says "so what are you saying that we are done?"

[coffeprince]

Update, what happened b/w you two?