No matter how much I ask my boyfriend he won’t put effort in my family, even though he knows it’s a dealbreaker I don’t know what to do?

[Anonymous]

Me and him have been together for over two years and I’ve been asking him so much to spend time with them because they mean so much to me. My family is not bad people we’re kind we have any problems just like any other family does I don’t understand how he always ends up getting out of it every time I ask him to hang with them.

Updates

+1 y

I don’t know if I’m being crazy about this or not

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is shy or intimidated by parents. I mean we all see people talk about how judgmental parents can be towards their child’s partner. Maybe he is afraid they might bombard him with questions and concerns. Some guys can handle this but others like your boyfriend cannot. And you shouldn’t force it on him. He will eventually end up crossing paths with them one day during family gathering. Have you spent time with his parents?

[Asker]

I spend lots of time with his family I always make sure I do but he just won’t with mine I’ve been asking him for a year and we have been together over 2 years

[sheikalana]

I understand this is important to you but also understand that you're boyfriend is in a relationship with you not with your family. Maybe you're asking too much from him for some people family are not a priority.

[Iron_Man]

For last hope of effort, take it to professional family counseling

[boggboss]

So sit down and speak to him about this

[Asker]

I have he just says he will fix it but then doesn’t

[boggboss]

Then clearly he doesn't care

[Asker]

Then why does he say he loves me so much and wants to marry me it just doesn’t add up how can I be his person but him hurt me like this

[boggboss]

Because talk is cheep its easy saying i love u but clearly he is not willing to do what u ask have u asked him why he avoids meeting your family

[Asker]

Yes he just says it’s hard and doesn’t give me a very clear answer

[boggboss]

So push him for one and make him understand that this is somthingu are willing to end the relationship over

[Asker]

That’s the thing I have I’ve told him I would break up with him if he didn’t fix it but he didn’t believe me basically told me I’m bluffing

[boggboss]

Then u have your choice

[Asker]

yeah I just don’t know if I’m ready for that reality yet

[boggboss]

So like he said was bluffing so this is the situation

[Asker]

I told him I wasn’t bluffing and if I don’t see change then id leave him and I have not seen change yet but it’s only been about two weeks if that maybe I should give him more time

[Asker]

I asked him to hang w my family tomorrow but he’s somehow trying to get out of it

[boggboss]

Because he thinks your bluffing so in his mind its nit somthing he has to do

[Asker]

Okay so pretty much my option is to leave him bc he doesn’t think I will and bc he doesn’t feel the need to put effort in to something I’ve asked for for so long bc of that reason meaning things probably won’t change

[boggboss]

Nope he won't change u wither need to make him understand u really will leave or end things

[Asker]

I definitely think you are right
Thank you I really appreciate you taking the time to help me you gave great advice and I will definitely be using it

[boggboss]

👍🏽 Good luck and I hope it works out

[Anonymous]

Some people are not family orientated.

[Asker]

But shouldn’t he put the effort in he says he wants to marry me but he won’t try and do this for me

[In_Trance]

smh... you said it was a deal breaker

[Asker]

Yes my family means a lot to me and if he doesn’t make changes it won’t work I’m not going to be with someone for years and years or marry and them have no relationship with my family🤷🏼‍♀️

[In_Trance]

So... you do know what to do