My boyfriend has no ambition and depends on parents too much. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a great person and I like him a lot. However, there are some problems that I see in the future. He's 27 years old and has no job. He also lives with his parents and uses their credit card. We are long distance and the last time I went to visit him his father drove us around everywhere. He also seems to have no ambition to get a job. He told me that he wants to be a dishwasher. I then was able to motivate him to go back to college so he can get a good job. He's in the process of applying and he just told me that his dad paid for the application fee. Also his dad wrote his essay. I think I might love this man, but in the future I don't want to be the only one making the money. What do you think? What should I do?

[Ayer93]

First of all, ignore all the shit people are saying about him. They're dumb and shallow. You know him better than anyone. People's character should not be defined by where they're at on life (nice job, house, car, license, credentials, etc). Being with him makes you happy, does it not?

Push him. Give him a heads up that you do love him, but you know if he doesn't change his ways, you won't be satisfied with the relationship. No one WANTS to be a dishwasher. He's convinced himself that that's the best he can do at this point. He just sounds like a guy with rather low self esteem. Tell him you want him to be happy... at least for himself... that if you don't see him put a noticeable effort in changing himself within the next few months, you will leave. Make sure to constantly remind him during this period... not super seriously or aggressively (more in a joking manner) or he may start thinking you're shallow and don't love him for who he is.

Good luck! I'm rooting for ya!

[Ayer93]

If he does not respond to the push then you have every right and if anything I urge you to leave. It's your right to seek true happiness and that generally entails financial stability, which obviously includes your partner if you eventually move in together.

[Asker]

Thank you! This was very helpful. He's a good person, but I think he may be depressed or have low self esteem like you said. I talked with him today and he's applying to college again so he can become a psychology. It's better than a dishwasher

[Beta_Wolf]

True that give the guy at least a chance , my father motivated me to to do stuff and now i'm glad i got all these skills i can do something with in life

[Anonymous]

It's very interesting how quick people are to call this guy a loser...

He, and others may not recognize this, but I see symptoms of depression in the guy, and there also may be some phobia as well. It's also possible that being in a relationship is a distraction from what he should be doing.

If he doesn't recognize the issues, and his parents don't either, then it will take him a lot longer to deal with. It's likely he has a poor diet as well.

[Asker]

I think he is depressed, but I don't think he knows he is. He says that he's happy when he's with me. I have no idea how to talk to him about this though.

[Opinion Owner]

You can't help him, only he can do that. How many other guys have you attracted with similar traits..

[Imafreespirit]

That is a whole new different level of lazy and pathetic tbh. I don’t know about you, but for me that’s a massive deal breaker. What does he want out of life? In my opinion, you should break up with him. This is just too much. Jeez. 27 and using his parents credit card, this guy lives in a bubble and dealing with people like that is not easy, let alone dating one. he needs to experience reality

[CocoDana]

Leave him. He sounds immature and you deserce somebody who is as ambitous as you. Your relationship won't be healthy because he doesn't know how to take care of himself so how could he ever take care of you and your family?

[slatyb]

You can like someone and think they are a fine person and still realize that they are not a suitable life partner. For whatever reason this guy is in no way able to be a partner in a relationship. Don't wait for him to change. He's already 27 and so far he's not changing. Where do you see this going? Presumably you are imagining him completing college and getting a decent job and the two of you living happily ever after. But he can't be arsed to write his own college essay. How do you think he's going to do with the going to class and completing assignments part of college? Maybe his dad can do that for him too.

Are you so desperate for a guy that you are willing to support him? Are you hoping to have children with him? You will be working, doing all the housework and all the child care while he does whatever it is he's doing now -- playing video games and buying stuff on your credit card.

You need to take a break from this guy until he takes some initiative. I feel bad for him, but you shouldn't sacrifice your life for him.

[Anonymous]

I spent a whole 4 years unemployed apart from 2 months but i didn't want to be and had a degree in a hard subject though it was the the wrong subject it was basically destroying me and I couldn't bring my self to even try to date for fear of being ridiculed and I may well have been depressed.

I understand unemployment more than anyone but he really should be fighting it I self taught my self the equivalent of a degree if not more in multiple areas of software development from scratch during that time got 2 really shitty laborer jobs and keeped working hard in unsafe conditions with mostly polish immigrants till they fired me to avoid paying benefits ie after exactly 1 month , tried and failed to start businesses , volunteered some of it a complete waste of time , joined networking groups when i worked out what i wanted to do and tutored a student in the subject i regretted choosing to study and faking positivity about it.

I felt horrible didn't sleep properly etc but i was fighting it.

[Opinion Owner]

I also developed a failed game that made £15 and I was doing basically all the house work to earn my keep with my parents while possibly depressed.

[Opinion Owner]

And I got my driving license and applied and got turned down for the forces and I have Aspergers and was dealing with quite a bit of discrimination from employers.

[Anonymous]

Hm, how long you been with mate?

Also allow me to add in that you’re quite the catch and an amazing girlfriend for sticking with this dude, despite his current situation and lack of ambition. Major kudos to you for this.

Now you say he’s a great person that you love? You mind naming some of the positives this guy has going for him relationship wise?

And in this case, it’s gonna come down to potentially a ultimatum/deadline! He has to start making some moves to show that he can be his on man, maybe get him to show you small steps & then work up.

Like certain grades in school! Then his own car, or his own bank account. You know small steps. If he reaches 28 and is still slacking like this, I think you might need to start weighing your options mate :(.

Good luck overall though

[v851234]

My friend met a guy, I checked him out, nice sweet guy, depressed to hell, he was like your boyfriend, and she stuck with him for years, but the fact is, he never changed, she met someone new and is moving to another city, breaks my heart that she won't be living here anymore, but I figured their relationship was off, so I am happy she got out and moved on 😊 you probably should too.

[Finchie40]

It he hasn't been a worker for that long of time you aren't going. to change that, your in for a rude awakening with this guy , plan on working and paying all the bills if you marry this guy. You will come home from work and He Will be playing video games and He Will say wheres my beer bitch!! Lol

[hellacray]

My question is how did you even fall in love with that loser?

I mean 27 and can't drive? That's pretty pathetic. And then you said he got his dad to write his essay for him...

I mean that's just like a new level of pathetic. Even if he does get a job. I wouldn't expect him to hold on to it for too long.

[Finchie40]

Lmfao i was thinking the same thing

[stillavirginat42]

your boyfriend is a tosser, great person or not, U have to ask yourself, say it out loud, "do U really want to spent the rest of your life with a un-ambition dishwasher that will struggle to provide a warm healthy future, your wasting your time with this person, U may like him a lot, but it's time U changed it up

[Nivinxus]

Incredibly lazy, its gonna be a strain in the relationship. You'd need pretty huge patience to stick with him. I wouldn't do that if I were you. I'd dump him, you deserve better.

[Rogzi]

Why does it matter?
He's obviously got his things taken care of. Either be with him or don't. Why do you care if he's making money, so long as he's got it legally?

[BobbyC65]

Ounce mom and dad are gone from his life he's be in for a rude awakening. And he'll be leaning responsibility the hard way because mom and dad isn't there to support him with money. Anymore.

[NerdInDenial]

You cannot change him until he wants to change. If you stay with him, you’re going to be the primary person making money.

[5AM_Saint]

Cut him out of your life, he can't provide for you or himself.

[Asker]

My mind is telling me to dump him, but then my heart says don't. It's so difficult. I want an independent man

[5AM_Saint]

Your life, your choice what to waste your time on

[BigRob420]

Well seems like you love money more so go with that.

[Redstang88]

Its pathetic to be that useless at 17, nevermind 27.
Even if his parents cut him off, he’s just gonna turn right to you to sponge off.

[WhereAmI]

Sounds like he needs to grow up and take on some responsibility in his life.

[WalterRadio]

That is easy.

Dump him now.

[Asker]

I know that's what I should do. He's my first boyfriend though and I like him a lot (maybe even love him)

[WalterRadio]

There is ALWAYS someone else.

This guy is a total loser. Dump him now!

[Marinepilot]

Find someone worthy of you. Clearly he isn't.

[reptocarl]

Nothing you can do