Why do most of my friends just use me and then disappear until they want to use me again?

[Anonymous]

I'll give you many scenerios with different people some of which don't know each other but I see the same pattern. These girls are pretty girls, easily get boyfriends. I'm approaching my mid-twenties and waiting my first kiss.

Jenna- Just deleted her off my contacts recently. Wouldn't reply to my texts when I wanted to get together didn't reply for 3 weeks and then I was like do you reply or should I delete you. Then replies I should know by now to call her.. which I did once no reply. She invited me to her birthday gathering before hung out with me when she "needed" me. Was a fellow bridesmaid at a friend's wedding, but she basically didn't talk to me talked to the other bridesmaid more most of which she just met around that time and acted bossy towards me. She's known me since elementary school, with a 11 year hiatus we became friends again. Anyways just dropped her as friend

Britney- Got married. When she was planning the wedding, or needed dating advice to choice the guy to marry I was there helping her with advice. Helped plan her bachelorette, she was in constant contact with me. She kind of got friendlier towards me when she knew she was going to get married about a year or so before she did. I met back up with her after 6 or 7 years hiatus. Now she's married and literally hasn't contacted me since the four months she's gotten married. I've called her twice, each time the convos were short and she said she would call back never does. I deleted her number now.

Ashley- just got a boyfriend this year. told me to come to her birthday party, kept asking me too. I went despite not knowning anyone there. It was awkward her friends weren't that welcoming. She was basically hugging me then and showing me off to her boyfriend as one of her closest friends. Her birthday was in April. She hasn't made any effort since then to meet up with me. I've texted her to meet up she's always busy with work and what not. I texted her a few days ago to go watch a musical. Now she msgs me and says that she just got back from a destination wedding. Now she's going to a concert and then working. Next month going to another few concerts and then going on vaca with her boyfriend. Basically telling me she has no time to see me.

This pattern of being used keeps repeating itself. I have horrible love life now that I've graduated university I'm loosing all my friends too. I'm getting super depressed. Its not worth it to be sweet and nice to people. everyone just uses me and then calls me when they need me and never just want to hang out with me.

[sammysamson84]

from my point of view those people are just people you know and used to hang out with ...

from the people around me I'd put like 50 into that category ... you get to know them a little, hang out if you find something to do or to go to when you and them have time and usually have a good time with them ... if you are asking for real firends I could basically name 4 people outside of my family including my girlfirend ... those people could call me in the middle of the night and ask me to immediately meet them somewhere and I'd be on my way ... but those 50? call me in the middle of the night and your number gets a silent ringtone ...

so I think we have a different definition of the word "friend" ...

when you ask me, being sweet and nice to people does not help finding friends ... be yourself ... that's the only way to find friends ... and by that I mean real friends ...

i was looking for a girlfriend a very long time ... what I found were sweet and nice girls who either didn't want to have anything to do with me, or were "sweet and nice" in terms of you could clearly see that they were not themselves ... you develop a sense for that once such a person broke your heart ...

some people think you have to present yourself in the best light so that other people will like you and become your friends ... from what I can say, it's true that many people won't look at you if you don't seem "sweet and nice", but let's be honest ... you have seen first hand what type of people they were ... do you want them to look at you like they did? knowing people like them helps if you are looking for some company from time to time, but you need a wide pool of those people to find one who has time and want's to hang out with you when you want to ...

the people you are looking for are people who will accept you the way you are ... no need to be extra "sweet and nice" ... so be yourself ... but you will notice that the number of such people you will meet is relatively small compared to those other people ...

[Asker]

I get what you mean. But I was pretty close to these girls I mean I was even a bridemaid for one of them and like her top 5 girlfriends kind of thing. I don't know these girls seem to have better things to do than talk to me. I'm just not going to reply to the ashley girl... I got her text and deleted it.

[blackkid2]

First two are easily explainable by "hiatus". Last one was just bad luck.

So what exactly are you looking for?

[Asker]

friends that actually take time to hangout with me and value friendships as much as I do with them.

[blackkid2]

That requires a thread ... Hm. Let's see, so you need a place to meet new people to make friends. link An option. Try it out. Otherwise you will have a lot of trouble just gathering "random" people who have threads of commonality. Most people have no reason to share that in common and are not inexplicably "drawn" to you outside of places that hold required presence. In short: You're not in school anymore.

[Asker]

well I met them in school and we still stayed in contact out of school. They just decide to "use" me for friends or showoff to their boyfriends kind of thing.

[blackkid2]

I actually think that they just moved on with their lives. It isn't so much that they are interested in using you per se, but rather that you grew apart over the years and/or they are attempting to forge their own happiness. The attempt to be friendly with the last female was awkward after all.

[Asker]

I just graduated though. The last one just graduated with me. The other two I knew in elementary school and we become close the last year and now after the wedding they just don't talk to me. That's pretty harsh to take.

[Stacyzee]

These people aren't "true friends". Just because people have a lot going on in their lives doesn't mean they should make less effort to contact you.

It's an excuse, if you care for someone you make ways to see or speak with them.

I don't know why all of your "friends" eventually do the same thing.

It's time to find new ones.

[Anonymous]

i think they know you are way too nice and will do it, if you stand your ground and don't accept to do stuff you don't want to do or even feel like doing you should reject doing them.

[Asker]

That's true. I think I'm just going to reply back to the last girl and be nice (but do it after a week). And then when I need people to come to my b-day party or whatever if I have one in a few months. I'll try sucking up to her and using her. If she doesn't show up, she's dropped.

[Anonymous]

Because you let them. Stop letting them and you'll notice they won't come back anymore. Getting rid of people like that is the best option.

[scnbabe89]

Sounds like everyone I know people love to use me.

[Anonymous]

because you let them

[Asker]

yeah.

[Anonymous]

becasue you are a pushover.