Why do people use me?

[Anonymous]

This isn't really so much a question as an observation. It seems that whoever I become "friends" with always eventually ends up using me because my personality is just friendly and helpful. I WANT to help people and be nice, I don't expect anything except a thank you in return, but I don't like to be used.

Latest example - a really good friend (or so I thought) of mine - he's a guy, not that that matters, but in this case is somewhat relevant I guess - wanted a particular electronics thing. He doesn't have the money for it, so I bought it for him as a gift (cost about $100). Now I find out by coincidence (he didn't tell me and doesn't know yet that I know) that he gave this as a gift to a girl he's interested in because she mentioned she wanted it. I learned that he actually only ever wanted this to give to her, so in end effect I bought a gift for her (she thinks he bought it, of course). I don't care about the money (not that it's irrelevant), but I am really angry that someone who was supposedly and seemed like such a good friend would do that to me.

Needless to say I will confront him about it.

This is not the only time people have used me, but this is the only time that it's been THAT bad. At least in my opinion that trumps anything else...

I don't want to change and be less helpful, but I am starting to think that there is no one in this world who cares about me, they only see how they can use me to their advantage.

[missnicole]

Why do people use you? Because you let them. I'm not trying to be mean, cause I've been there.. I'm a pleaser, the nice one, always going over and beyond for people, and always getting crapped on in the end.

After many years of why me? But I was so nice to them! Blah blah blah..I realized...I was just setting myself up for failure. People were taking advantage of me cause I let them. I'm still the "nice one" but now its very rare for anyone to try and run one over on me.

Like, in the case of your friend who wanted this electronics...even if I had all the money in the world..its not my responsibility to buy him stuff...Im not anyones sugarmama. I'm sure he's a grown man with a job...he can save up and get it himself.

On top of that..at this point, I would still be nice, just not a pushover...if he asks me for anything else...whether it costs time or money...its just not going to happen...you already know he's just going to try and get what he can out of you, so why let him?

I have a friend that always asked for favors...at least a couple times a week I was dashing to give him a ride to work cause he was running too late to get the bus. When I finally asked for a favor, he totally ignored it...later saying it was so small, it didn't seem that important, but to me it was important. After that, whenever he asked me to rush and pick him up for work..."I wish I could but..." we still go out and have a good time together...but I'm a friend, not his personal taxi service...

Actually, I made repeated announcments to everyone I knew that from now on, I was going to be a bitch... Everyone thought that putting me and bitch in the same sentence was halarious, but I made my point. Someone would ask for something and Id say nope. why? I'm practicing to be a bitch remember? Of course I was being my goofy self and humous about it all, but they got the hint.

The people who actually were my friends, we still hang out and have fun, and yes...when its something important Ill help them out, but they will do the same for me, and we don't screw each other over. The ones who weren't true friends faded away...they only kept me around for when they wanted or needed something.

So yeah, you don't want people to use you? Don't let them...being nice doesn't mean letting people take advantage of you, cause then you have no one to blame but yourself.

[Asker]

Thanks so much, I guess it was good to hear that I'm not the only person who tends to be this way and I'm going to take your advice to heart and start being a "bitch" (not literally, of course). I knew that basically I'm to blame, just wasn't sure how to go about changing without everyone thinking I'm unfriendly. But in reality, the few who keep me as a "friend" just to get something aren't the ones I want as a friend anyway. Good riddance if I may put it so bluntly. Thanks again!

[missnicole]

Yeah, its really hard at times cause I don't like to come off mean, but if someone only likes me cause I do things for them, then what am I losing really if they think I'm not being "nice"? Id rather people like me for me, and have few true friends, than try to please everyone and end up feeling like I'm always being taken advantage of.

[darkangelina]

I don't think he used you.. I think you volunteered.. That's just my opinion.

[satish]

OK I am weighing in on this one.

Your example shows that you do nice things not because you are nice and want to help people. You do nice things so that people do nice things to you. You are a nice person. Not a good person, but nice. That's what nice people do. I call that politics. I do this for you, and you better know how to properly respond or I will do that. Had you been a good person, and you genuinely want to help, then you won't care if he wanted it so that he can give it to his girl.

My advise is stop doing that! Just be as good of person as you can truly be and life will be a lot simpler without all the suffocating political maneuvers and happier.

[sachin007]

Hello MAM,

Not everybody in this world gets chance to help anyone during his/her most part of life.

We are destined by GOD to help those people who were not given this chance.

And you also have a point.

So if you think that you are alone ,

Give yourself a good or great time which you will never forget or golden memories.

Now its up to you how you pleasure yourself.

I can just say that

Love your life,

Life will love you.

Thnx

[Guy13]

Because you do not set boundaries.