Why do my (best) guy friends drop me when they get a girlfriend?

[sings22]

Hi there,

I'm a 22 year old woman who prefers my guy friends over my girlfriends sometimes (guys seem to have better conversations, more laughs, not petty, gossipy..just more fun overall) and have had many best guy friends in my lifetime. However, it seems that all of them tend to develop feelings towards me over time and its never mutual (I just want to be friends).

Then, once they eventually get gf, I either hear that the girlfriend is jealous and does not want their boyfriend (my close guy friends) around me, they stop hanging out with me, or just as recently as yesterday, decide to end our friendship all together (one I was friends with for over a decade) and gives NO explanation.

It makes me feel as though I'm a terrible person, that I've done something wrong. It's just not fair. What do you guys think are their true reasons in NOT wanting to even be my friend after getting a gf? Was it because all they wanted from me was a relationship, the girlfriend is controlling..they think I'm horrible now..I NEED ANSWERS. thank you thank you!

Updates

+1 y

so I sent an e-mail to him asking him the whys, in an honest and non crazy fashion. he replied that he was blind sighted by his love for me and I apparently treated him like crap because doesn't know how to say no to things.

[princess25sarah]

I go through the same thing, except in my situation the guys don't realize they have feelings for me until I'm finally dating someone (which is a rare occurance). Then it's usually this big blown out drama and of course I'm not gonna end my friendships for a "boyfriend" but my friends need to understand I don't feel the same way, that I love them yes but just as a close friend.

And when they do drop me once they get a girlfriend I just let them know that I'm still here and I'll always be there for them. Eventually the relationship ends and they come back and we become great friends again, not the same as we were but still close. It's a sad pattern, but I guess I've learned to adapt.

Just try not to let it get to you. That's what I do. And maybe even try to make friends with the new girlfriends, although most often that doesn't help (well, for me anyway). Guess it's all just a part of life. People change. Sucks tho, huh?

[sings22]

I read your answer and was like WOW, I know. Like I mentioned before, I have girlfriends too, maybe just as many as my guy friends, but I tend to get closer (or it just s eems that way considering all the drama around my friendships) with the guy friends. I've also noticed a pattern of getting closer, then drifting away once they get into another relationship. I'm glad to know that other girls go through this too. Do you ever feel like what you want to give them is never good enough for them?

[princess25sarah]

Oh yeah. I'm feeling that way right now. But it's my stupid fault for falling for him. lol

And then if I do have feelings for them they never return it and just want to be friends. So we become BEST friends and then I finally move on emotionally wise, starting seeing a guy. Still maintaining the friendship, no changes to the friendship (unless they make them) and then all of the sudden they do this whole "I love you, I wanna be with you" bullsh*t but it's too late, I just love them as friends

[-StillWater-]

OMG

It's almost always the same thing for me..but they do realize that they like me, but never tell me...

It's just so visible for everyone to notice...

It truly is a sad pattern!

...

[DyingAngel]

I've always been puzzled by this myself, seeing as I have had many good friends say good bye to our friendship because of this myself, lol. Honestly, I think it's partly the guy and partly the new girlfriend. I had a close guy friend that I had feelings for as he did for me, but we never wanted to date each other because we were happy with our friendship and didn't want anything to change. He had lots of girlfriends and many of the girls I was friends with. Usually they broke up because of the same reasons, they said me and him were just way to close and it did bother them. This was coming from girls that I was friends with. They knew nothing was going on with us, but it still bothered them. So I think guys tend to just go with what their girlfriend says to keep a relationship working. I'm just not sure if it's an insecurity on the girls part or more like a staking of her territory, lol. Hope that gives you something useful.

[Reeses-pieces777]

it's possible they're busy with their girlfriends, going out on dates and such

so don't take it personal

maybe hang out with your girl buddies more-i have more friends who are girls than those who are guys so...it's not you, it's probably because they're busy planning dates or shopping with their girlfriends

[mrtalented]

My view is, that they are happy to have a girlfriend now -

after they "failed" at you. The new girlfriend is jealous and

wants to minimize the risk of losing him to his former "love" or

just any other girl.

So, she is setting pressure on him & he agrees on that because

he doesn't want to lose his girlfriend.

The one who is ending the friendship isn't really your buddy,

it is (most of the time) his new girlfriend.

Either you talk to her & try to point out that you (you & your buddy) are just

friends or you wait until they break up and he crawls back to you,

asking for forgiveness and a "second chance".

His decision is NOT AGAINST you primarily, it is just FOR his new girlfriend.

Hope this may help you a little bit. :)

[sings22]

Your answer most defenitely helps. Its just too bad that after a decade it can all end because a relationship has gotten serious. I had another guy friend being so paranoid and putting off my meeting his new girlfriend that it took him four months for the introduction and there was defenitely tension as this new girlfriend and I had no idea what he was so scared about. Meaning that, guys can be just as bad as girls if there are feeling involved.

[palek]

If you choose to have guy friends rather than girlfriends, this will include losing a lot of "friends" over the course of your life. As well as being their friend, you are also necessarily a future piece of "baggage", which they will have to discard when a serious, eros-love relationship with a woman enters their lives. Men and women are hard-wired for sexual attraction/tension, and thus a level of jealousy is always a factor. It's bad enough when your significant other wants to spend occasional time with his male friends rather than you, but when this comes to include female friends, it ain't gonna happen. If I were you, I'd start finding some women friends, or better yet, husband material.

[sings22]

Thank you for that. I have several good girlfriends that has similar goals/views and they always seem to work out. I do also have "husband material" living with me at home, but I still like having friends (guys too) seperate from my relationship. I feel as though a lot of "couples" forget how important a balance of me time/friend/family/them time is important. I never understood girls who were that jealous that a guy had to give up a friend for them. your answer is really constructive and honest

[Hunterboyz]

Its not that the girlfriend is controlling, but in a relationship, female friends can be a big burden. Especially when the girlfriend is in question about the motives of the friendship.

It is possible that they wanted a relationship with you, but try not to take it so hard, it just proves your level of attraction is high. & its near impossible to have friends within the relationship if they are extremely attractive.

At our age, I'll be increasingly harder to find a opposite gender friend, that only wants friendship. They say the best place for a relationship to start is as friends, and that to me explains them wanting to eventually be with you.

Friendship is like a drawn out date, where you get to know each other.

So from there you have your reasoning...

By the way... Where is your boyfriend? You having one would help the situation...

I hope I helped...

Sincerely,

A Loving Black Man

[Littletad]

Sorry to say this. Most guys only are friends with girls for the sole purpose of a future hookup. That is a consequence of having many guy friends. If you need more evident proof, if you were the girl they got with, they would have ignored their other girl friends too.

[Little-Hippie]

Your friendship probably didn't mean much to them in the first place.

But once they got a girlfriend, there was little motivation to keep you around.

[nguol]

Because of such belief:

link

[Anonymous]

because you are his booty call

[-StillWater-]

WHAT?

Didn't she just say that she is always just friends with the guys?