Why do all my guy friends end up making a move on me?

[Anonymous]

and then when I do not reciprocate the same feelings they end up cutting me out of there life. I just do not understand why it is so very hard for me to have heterosexual male friends. It seems like other girls don't have issues with this, but when I get a guy friend he always ends up wanting sex or a relationship. I recently was cheated on in a past relationship and every since then I have not been able to really even date another guy because of fear of infidelity. So my guys friends get offended when I tell them that I am not interested and end up cutting me out of their life which is very hurtful. I am 21 still a virgin, in college, and I feel like I have a lot of stuff going for me. Yet I am never able to have any male friends. One of them was like you won't even let me take you out for a meal. I denied because I know that he wants a relationship and that it will make it look I like I am using him if I take him up on meals etc especially if I know I will never have romantic feelings.

Why do you think that every guy friend I get attempts to make a move on me? I am at the point where I think I am going to just start having homosexual male friends... that way I don't have to deal with this.

[Snorkledorf]

In general guys approach and get friendly with girls in order to get even closer. Unlike with girls, almost no-one ever hits on guys, so we literally have no choice but to go out and take matters into our own hands. So there's certainly nothing to be surprised about.

One thing that can scramble guys' feelings is if you have a style of friendship that's "touchy-feely." If you're touching their arm and stuff as you hang out, guys will be much more likely to interpret things in a non-platonic way. I'm not saying you do that, I have no idea, but it's one thing. That'd probably double the percentage of guys who think, "OMG I have a chance with her! I better make a move!"

Whatever the reason they think they have a chance with you, when that fails, a) it's pretty intensely humiliating to be shot down (especially by someone who knows you well) so most guys will make themselves scarce afterward, and b) even if they're not uncomfortable with you after failing miserably like that, they're just faced with the unchanged reality that they still have to go hunt down a girlfriend if they don't want to feel like they're unlovable, which sucks. That'll draw time away from any possible friendship with you no matter what.

You might try deliberately hanging out with guys who already have girlfriends, as they'll be the guys least likely to hit on you. Though you may then want to let the girlfriends know _why_ you're hanging out with their boyfriends or it might look a little suspicious... :)

Or just make a point of periodically mentioning in conversation to each of your guy friends how you're not looking for romance right now, and how irritating it is that guys hit on you all the time, etc. Without talking about them directly, get the point across to them that there's no hope, before they inevitably begin to think differently.

[dweeman]

As a guy, when I make a move on a female, I want more from the relationship. The more I want the female, the harder it is to keep things platonic. If she can't reciprocate my interest then I feel like it's best to just move on completely by cutting her out of my life. If I stay friends with my romantic interest that doesn't share the same affection, then the relationship becomes a tease in itself to me. My feelings will continue growing for a female unless I decide to completely move on by cutting her out of my life. For me, it's the easier route. The earlier that I make a move in the relationship, the faster I can gauge her interest. Life is short and I along with other guys don't have the time to beat around the bush. We're trying to find our companion and we don't want feelings for a female we can't have. So we cut her out of our life and keep pursing other females until we find one that will reciprocate. In life, people are friends based on their priorities. If a guy friend made a move on you, you rejected him, and then he cut you out of his life, you just learned his priority. He wanted a relationship or something more. It's inevitable that your guy friends will slowly become more and more attracted to you over time. I've friendzoned girls and found myself to become increasingly physically attracted to them, their personality, and themselves as a person over time. It's biology and if you cannot reciprocate their interest, it's only fair that you let them move on and cut them out of your life completely. You won't be hurt by remaining friends with them but your potential to hurt them is endless if you continue to be friends with them.

[Little-Hippie]

Yea, you should probably just start hanging out with gay guys.

Though, how long do you know these guy friends before they start developing feelings for you?

It's very possible that the you were just hanging out with these guys for different reasons than these guys were hanging out with you and at no point are either parties aware of the others intentions,

that is, until they make a move and realize that their chronological investment was in vain and,

as you stated, "cut you out of their lives".

You have to watch the way you interact with people. Not everyone is thinking the same thoughts you are when you're chatting it up and hanging out. Everyone interprets the situations differently.

[mr_arthur]

That's probably cus you're some kind of a dream girl that every guy wishes he could go out with :P

Maybe if you clearly told all of your friends that you have a boyfriend they won't make a move on you, otherwise, gay friends does seem like some kind of a solution XD.

[metaldave20]

i agree with those two, better to have gay friends, straight friends will always find you attractive, and will always hit on you no matter what