1. The Overgrown Suit
A good suit is going to cost you a nice chunk of change, so I would think that going in, you'd want something that actually happens to fit you if you're going to spend all that money, but to go in and just buy some suit that is clearly 10 sizes too big for you that doesn't fit in the shoulders, the waist, the sleeves, or the break, is baffling. Look at this dude. It's like a weight loss advertisement in the difference between the two. And yes, in case you're wondering, his "is he hot" quotient went up 10 fold just by wearing clothes that actually fit him. He doesn't look like your cousins little brother any more, he actually looks like an adult man!
2. Saggy Baggy Pants + Underwear reveal
Guys, you are not in prison. You don't need to show Don down the street that you aren't packing any weapons by dropping your jeans or pants this low (unless you do, then by all means, avoid getting shot at unnecessarily)...but no, you're like in the mall and at the grocery store and walking around the suburbs like this for what reason exactly? It's not cool, nor fashionable, nor decent to do this. Pull those pants up to that thing called your waist and gain some respect for yourself. No one is going to take you seriously like this.
3. Socks with sandals
This used to be relegated to old fat men on some beach somewhere, but it has invaded the youth now, and therefore something must be done about it. Sandals are only meant to be worn with the toes out. They are summer shoes, fresh off of the beach shoes, going for a quick errand shoes...but they are not, let's put socks on with them shoes. If you are ashamed of your nasty ugly toes, do something about them. Get those things taken care of so you don't have to do this. You're much much much too young to do this. You're better than this people!
4. The Deepest of V's
The sad part is there are even deeper V necks than this one that actual male humans wear. There is no where you can wear this and not appear to be a d-bag. Your chest does not need this much ventilation. If it does, wear a tank top, and leave this at home.
5. Too much Jewelry
Yes, we know this was cool in the 90s or maybe the 70s or if you were Liberace. We know it was awesome to have the pucca shell necklace and snake rings and every rubber wrist band from everything ever, but in life sometimes, when you love something, you have to set it free. This is one of those times. Don't just set one of them free, set all of them free. Your much lighter wrists, neck, and fingers, will thank you.
6. Dad Jeans
Yes, these do exist. You know them when you see them because most likely your dad is STILL wearing them. They are typically a stonewashed color with a light blue wash. They are high-waisted, sitting well above the hips, and balloon out around the waist. Nope, let these go. Better yet, get your dad to let these go unless he's Steve Jobs ghost. Then maybe...
7. Chunky Heeled Shoes
Most people want to always look taller and leaner or stronger than they actually are, and these shoes are the antithesis of making that happen. They are like visual lead weights on a guy adding significant bulk where no guy needs any bulk whatsoever. Don't believe me, look at the first picture of suit guy again and in the before he's wearing a pair of these that might as well be a set of cloven hooves vs. just a nice slim line oxford in the second image. It really does help create nice lines on the body that chunky clunky shoes will never do. Up your sexy with shoes that skim the feet as opposed to put them in cement blocks.
8. White Socks or Sports Socks with Suits
This may have been okay that one time when you were like 13 and your mom was rushing you into the car and you couldn't find your dress socks, but as a grown a-- man, you're still wearing tube socks, or your nike socks...that say NIke down the side with a suit???? Girls can't even get away with this one. There is no excuse. Even the dollar store sells dress socks!
9. Man Capris
Can you honestly say to someone with a straight face, that you enjoy showing your shins off? I actually don't know which is worse...to have these tight fitting or to have them super large and loose.
10. Your Stupid Knot
No one needed or asked for this. Don't be this guy at the board room meeting because it will get you noticed for the wrong reasons. The fact that you are doing this or the other what, 30 ways you can tie a tie, indicates that you actually thought about this long enough to hit up the internet and watch a few videos on how to make this tie happen because no normal man knows how to make this happen out of the blue. This is not the few loops of over and under any dad is teaching his son before church. The tie is a noose around your neck and all you've done is miraculously find a way to somehow make it even noosier!
Cue the emaciated puppies and kittens theme song music by Sarah McLachlan because this bonus can only be dedicated to the one and only man on the planet earth who has taken it upon himself to embody all that is wrong and unholy about men's fashion. Let the count the ways: Frosted tips. Frosted Goatee with extensions?!? Sunglasses indoors. Ed Hardy. Man Capris. Orange Tan. Juvenile T-shirts. Black socks on the beach. Camo formal suits. Way too many bowling shirts. 1970s style 'going out' shirts. Double hoop earrings. Deep Vs. Dad jeans. FLAMES. Wings. Dragons. Embroidery. Ill Fitting clothing. Chunky shoes. Wearing sweat wrist bands while not even playing sports. Too much jewelry. Too much everything.