- Yoga instructor
- Guy in my yoga class
The way the school works is that customers can register for classes on their own schedule. He showed up during my weekly beginner's class.
- He showed up to my weekday class
- I asked everyone to share their names
- I made up an excuse to ask him what he did
- While teaching class, I was constantly looking at him and gazing into his eyes for like 3-5 seconds each time and smiling
- He was smiling back, but not in a shy way
- He's confident, but not arrogant or cocky, just easy-going and secure
- He's obviously really cute
- I kept finding excuses to touch him during class and help him adjust his posture or stand on top of him and use my hips to adjust his hips instead of just telling him what to do like I do to everyone else.
- I did some snooping
- Turns out he's been to more classes than just my class
- He's been to other female instructors more than once
- He's registered for 3 more upcoming classes with the same female instructor; even though she's older, married and with children and says so on her profile on the website
- He's bought his own yoga mat, towels and blocks in our store, and considering his history of classes and how serious he was in class, I know he's not just one of those guys who takes a yoga class or two looking to meet cute girls.
- I don't know how old he is. He's probably in his mid-20's. But he seems very focused, mature and professional. How realistic is it of me to expect a guy with manners to make a move on me as his instructor?
- I don't even know if he has a girlfriend, is married, or w/e. I also don't want to make a fool of myself in my own class.
What do you think I should do?
Most Helpful Opinions
First of all,
I take yoga, and I'm not gay.
Second of all,
I'm not any good at it yet, but I'm making an honest effort.
Joining yoga to meet girls? Seriously now? If the guy was ugly, I could understand being iffy on his motives for being there. But if he's not only "not ugly", but "cute" or "hot", I think you can safely rule that one out. As a guy, I know people who go to yoga go there to relax, stay fit, and get in touch with their spiritual self. The last thing anyone wants is some creepy guy ruining that experience by coming up to you and hitting on you. And as a guy, believe me, it would take some greater cosmic power to get me to ruin the good energy in that environment.
My longest relationship was with an Indian girl, and I've practiced (and continue to practice) martial arts. So I actually have to suck it up and fight the "he must be gay because he goes to yoga" stereotype that affects me as a man; just so I can show up to yoga. Believe me, I wouldn't do that unless I could care less what people think and more about getting in touch with my spiritual self and reaching a state of perfect awareness & balance between my body and mind.
Now to the crux;
Guys like this don't respond to you as a woman, the way you are probably used to other men responding to you.
It's called the Adonis complex, a form of narcissistic personality disorder (or "type-A" personality). Men who constantly push themselves higher, in education, in their career, in learning, in understanding, with their bodies, with everything. The thing that holds the least weight in their life is sex and women. No. They're not homosexual or asexual. These are heterosexual men; like Adonis. They simply see sex and women as a distraction and waste of time that would take away from achieving MORE in this lifetime.
Guys like this are perfectly aware of your interest in them. He probably caught on, and politely but subtly communicated to you through his gaze/eyes/look that he also likes you (otherwise, he would blatantly ignore you or not be as receptive or friendly) but that he just wants to focus on yoga.
If you want to give it a try, then approach him outside the class-room. You don't have to ask him out. All you have to do is establish contact outside the class. That communicates to him that you want to take your interaction with him outside the class-room! If he also wants the same, he'll have no problem asking you to join him for a drink or lunch. If he doesn't want the same, he'll just talk to you and keep it friendly.
Don't beat a dead horse!
"Type-A's" are very sharp. He doesn't need reassurance, he doesn't need MORE signs or hints from you. The gesture of you voluntarily creating an interaction b/w you and him OUTSIDE the classroom speaks volumes to these guys. If you've done your fair share and part in this and he's not putting out; then just let it go. Don't take it personally, because maybe he's not interested in ANYONE right now!
I guess I've never dated a type-A before. You're right, that all makes sense. He doesn't check out any of the girls or guys in class or around the studio or cafe'. And he's equally friendly and nice to everyone in general.
I guess I feel a little afraid and uncomfortable with the idea of getting involved with a man that has a sex drive I'm not used to dealing with. I guess it's just fear of the unknown or his potentially lower sex drive and how that would affect our relationship.
"spiritual self and reaching a state of perfect awareness & balance between my body and mind".. I only go to stretch out my muscles...
That's not good. You have to start getting comfortable with the idea of men who aren't sexually aggressive. I know it's what you're used to & comfortable with, so it makes you nervous to find something different in a man that you didn't expect. You know, like lack of sexual aggression, emotional immaturity, stupidity, financial instability, selfishness, carelessness, insensitivity, thoughtlessness, infidelity, etc.
I know those are foreign & make you uncomfortable, but try it, you might like it
He's obviously not dumb or shy, so you might be wondering:
If he knows I like him, why isn't he acting?
And his question to you is; why aren't you?
The answer that turns guys like this off is "b/c you're the guy". They see it as an excuse to mask insecurities about your body image, sexual confidence, and emotional maturity & neediness.
The way he sees it, you can go ahead and find the kind of guy you're used to that gives you that kind of reassurance & validations you need.
But when you're finally confident and secure in yourself, and extinguished those insecurities about yourself and why a man should want to be with a woman like you; then you're no longer afraid to be open and honest with him (that's what he's looking for & values)
So you no longer value men who cater you your need for reassurance & validation, because you don't need it; and now value men like him who will give you want you're looking to find in a relationship with a man (that makes him feel safe)
So when you talk to him after class, and when he asks you out (b/c I know he will), don't be put off if he's not sexually aggressive like other guys you're used to.
Remember, the other guys you're used to didn't work out. Are you uncomfortable because he doesn't remind you of men you've been with that didn't lead to a successful relationship? Think about it.
If he's asked you out & he's not sexually aggressive, that means he's not sexually eager. And if he's asked you out, what does that tell you?
It means he's emotionally dissected & psychoanalyzed you, and although curious about your life experiences that lead to your present day personality, it's a personality that he nonetheless likes and is attracted to. So much so that he wants to ask out for dinner.
Yes, that does involve talking, emotions & feelings being created, flirting, and sex. But it also involves caring, listening, understanding, loving, and a serious relationship you're probably not used to ever having before.
"I like yoga."
"I'm not gay"