Guys: why do you take a SECOND look at other girls?

[Anonymous]

if you already have a girlfriend and you are so attracted to her... why do you feel the need to take a SECOND look at some other girl in public or stare at other girls etc? Why don't you stop after the initial "noticing" a girl? It's disrespectful... kinda like you're looking for more than you already have by your side. What are you thinking about these other women anyway?

[khellendros]

OH PLEASE! Women are no better. What goes through your mind when you see a hunky guy in a movie? You mean to tell me you don't get happy feelings in your pants too? Girls are just as guilty of this as guys are. All that giggling and squealing at those guys makes a guy feel bad too. It's not just a guy thing.

However I agree with what has been said. I know that when I was with my ex, I looked at women as just another person. None of them made me feel anything special to have to double take. If I saw someone cute or hot, it would only set my mind on thoughts of her. It's quite possibly the best feeling in the world to feel like you no longer need to size up potential mates or sexual conquests. Of course I'm back at that step since she's my ex and not my girl. :(

[Asker]

Okay.... so you are saying that when you love someone, you no longer check out other girls? That's all I wanted to know. I have never been the type to "giggle and squeal" over a guy lol. And I don't look at guys when I'm in a relationship. I might notice a guy is cute, but I immediately look away and think about what a great and sexy guy I already have. No need to check out others whatsoever. I was just hoping guys could do the same. Sounds like you do... ?

[khellendros]

Yep there are guys like myself out there. We don't feel the need to "check out" other women when we finally are in love. And stereotyping helps no one as you may have noticed. You probably took a tiny bit of offense at my statement that "women" are no better. Not all women do it, just like not all guys too. We exist! I swear.

[Asker]

Then maybe my guy isn't really doing it.... maybe I just think he is. I sometimes think I see him looking at some girl, but he says he has no idea what I'm talking about and will tell me what he was looking at. I have checked to see & whatever he said has always been there. He also said he may sometimes "subconsciously" do it, but if he ever realizes it that he looks away and thinks "I don't need to be lookin at that when I have a girl"..... does that sound like he's being honest you think?

[khellendros]

If you really care about this guy, and he cares just as equally about you, he deserves the benefit of the doubt. All doubting him does is place a bad seed into the relationship that could grow to ruin it. Trust the guy, and if he does something that breaks that trust, THEN go into it full force.

[Asker]

Thanks. I really appreciate all your advice. It's hard to find smart guys to talk to that aren't full of themselves and womanizers as well. :) Thanks a lot! :)

[khellendros]

Glad to be of help :D. Feel free to message me if you have any other questions!

[Trihill]

maybe that guy or girl hasn't found the right person yet...when you do find your soul mate, that person will be the center of attention and very difficult to get distracted away from...such people do exist...this is usually the first obvious sign that something may be wrong or things are getting boring or maybe just losing interest

[Asker]

So you're saying that once a guy falls in love.... this won't be happening near as much if at all?

[Trihill]

If a guy or a girl is truly in love, then everything else is invisible...think about the special effects in the movie, everything thing else fades away and all that's left is just the two lovers

[Asker]

So I need to try to just be the best girlfriend possible and when he realizes he loves me, I probably won't see him look at anyone anymore. That's good to know. :) Thanks. I will try my best to disregard the glances in the meantime and focus on just being a wonderful gf. I hope it doesn't take much longer - but I know the biggest issues we have, have been my questioning him about this stuff. He says he doesn't even look.... maybe he doesn't realize he does it? idk. He says maybe subconsciously??

[Trihill]

I am close to my girlfriend and she knows about my many lady friends because she is with me when I meet them, otherwise I would not hang out with them...i make my girlfriend feel special all the time and especially in front of my friends so that she has no doubt on being jealous or worried...dinner with a friend and dinner with my girlfriend is very different because we cook together at home or we go to expensive places and especially places with dancing or serenading opportunities with her

[Anonymous]

well, there is a general rule for this. look once just to see. look back if you liked what you saw. its barbaric, but there you go.

[Anonymous]

It's human nature for men to gauge all women as potential mates. You can be upset all you want, it's still going to happen. Try and take confidence in the notion that your boyfriend is still standing by your side, not chasing after the other girl.

[Asker]

But if you already have a mate.... why are you still entertaining thoughts of a different one?!

[Opinion Owner]

HUMAN NATURE - Guys that are married to super models still do this, it's what guys do.

[Asker]

Do you think most guys think about the chick they were checking out later.... or just completely forget about within a few minutes?

[Opinion Owner]

They forget about her.

[Asker]

That's good... because I can still remember a girl I think I saw my man lookin at from like 2 weeks ago. I can't shake the damn memory from my head. I'm glad that guys typically don't remember.

[Opinion Owner]

No guys don't... you're just punishing yourself by remembering these details. Is this your first boyfriend? I don't mean to sound rude but it sounds like he is your first boyfriend judged by how jealous you are getting from a look.

[Asker]

No... I've been cheated on and lied to by every boyfriend I've ever had though :( .... I don't know how to pick 'em I guess.... but hoping this one is different - it's really really hard to shake off all the hurt feelings of the past and extremely hard not to worry that the same thing is going to happen with this guy too. My self esteem has pretty much been destroyed regardless of how loving and faithful I may be - no one's ever appreciated me & I feel unlovable because of it. :(

[Asker]

.... also - I was married for 5 years.... other than that I have 3 other ex boyfriends that all lied and left me for other girls (1 for an ex gf, 1 for his best friend's wife!, and the other for some random chic he met online!) I'm learning how to trust again - we've been together almost a year and I still struggle with it. :( I don't really know how to get past it :(